I signed a lease with grief,
nearly two years ago.
On the line "How long would you like to grieve?"
I wrote in a shaky scrawl....
"As long as I need."
At the question "In what ways would you like to express your grief?"
I wrote in CAPITOLS....
"I will SAY and DO and THINK and BE anything I want for one year,
and at the end of that year,
if I want to renew my contract with Grief,
I will retain the right to renew my lease."
Tonight I stand on the cusp of the third year.
Nearly two complete years have passed.
I renewed my lease with Grief at the end of the first year...
I was not ready to stop
thinking, speaking, being, doing
just anything I wanted and needed...
so I gave myself another year.
As I bow and bend in the breeze of the second year passing by me,
I have begged Grief to extend me one week at a time on my contract.
I am not asking for a year anymore...
I am asking for one week more,
one week at a time.
Later, when I am able, I will...
If I can,
ask for one day
at a time
day by day,
starting the week after next,
which will be the first week
of the third year
of my daughter
going to heaven
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