Tune in to later on in this broadcast when we bring you another installment of the surreally fantastical other-worldly space drama:
(SFX: repeating echo)
GALAXIANS TO THE STARS
(MUSIC: quick organ chords leading to: Organ sting)
(SFX: Massive slurking sound as if something slowly being sucked into a huge drain. Occasional slimy drips. Sound of something massively heavy slowly oozing its way forward over rock – then fade to background throughout. How’s THAT for Foley?.)
(pant, pant) Ned! What’re you waiting for? Quick! Shoot it Ned! (pant, pant) Shoot it!
NED: (intense overacting, a constant quiver in the voice – “megaKirk”: Out-Shatnering Shatner…..can it be done?)
Nick, it may be a mindless slimy alien slug creature that devours everything it sees… but she’s MY mindless slimy alien slug creature…that…. Devours…everything it sees. I can’t do it. I can’t do it, Nick.
What are you gonna do, Ned?
I dunno know. Get out of here that’s for sure. Get away, try to start a new life, just the two of us. (throw away line) Try not to get devoured. (building to waaay over-the-top ending) Maybe in time -- maybe in time… we can… work through our differences… though they be as… vast as… the galaxy… itself!
You’re a better man than I am, Ned Hastings. (pant, pant) I would have put a bullet through her and walked away clean.
Ah. That’d be no good… she’s – she’s impervious to weapons like that. Maybe—maybe that’s why I’m attracted to her so much.
I wish the best of luck to the both of you, Ned.
Thanks Nick, you’re the greatest. I’ll name our first kid after you… if it… doesn’t get devoured.