One of the most difficult words that I could say to Dad is "I Love You". Last Father's day, I tried to write a letter for him. I tried to find the words to thank him for every thing that he has done but the word could not come out of my mind. It is just something so unusual to me that I felt so foolish. How could I be intimate with a heavenly father when I could hardly say I love you to an earthly father?
My family met Jesus when I was in 4th year high shool. I was 16 at that time and everything was slowly uraveling itself. One thing for sure, we have come to know the true meaning of the cross. Second is that living a life for Christ is not as easy. Thirdly, God has revealed to me that I am to take Psychology as my college course.
It's nearly been three years and I can't help but marvel at how God has been faithful in my walk with him. In times when I fall he lifts me up. In times when I stand, he is right behind me. In times when I am weak, he gives me strenght. In times when I am strong, he makes sure that I am safe. God is my Heavenly Father and so much more. However, I could not help but desire to be also very close with my earthly Father.
Don't get me wrong. Dad is a wonderful provider. He has attended every important occassion in my life. He is a good man. However, there is just something lacking. I want real communication. I felt like there are more deeper words that need to come out. There are just words that I long to hear and words that I am struggling to say. I love dad. I really do. I know that he loves me too. I know it when he provides for my needs. I know it when he ask me questions. I know it when he picks me up. God know, I do believe.
Recently two christian magazines was delivered to our house. One of the magazines discuss the issue of Fatherhood. I realize from reading the magazine that Fathers play a major role in parenting just as mothers do. While reading a section of the magazine entitled "Does fathers know best?", my seatmate saw a glimpse of the article. Her reaction stunned me. She said, "Nope, mothers know best." I tried to reason to her by saying that studies has proven it. However, she cut me off by saying "I don't care about studies. In my case mother know best. Not my dad." Then she continues by telling me and our classmates how her father has not earned her respect. I was silenced by her reaction. I couldn't help but wonder the difficulty that she is going through. I am also reminded of two brothers that I know. Their dad left them when they were young. The older one was sent his aunt because of school failure. At least in the province he can concentrate on his study. The younger one was left alone at home while his mother works. The younger one usually play in our internet cafe during his vacant time.
As I annalyze my situation, I know that I am 100 times better off than them. But in reality, all of us are equal. In this world we will experience imperfect fathers. In fact, many does not know a father. Some are even abuse by their own fathers. However there is alway a Heavenly Father who watches over us. The best part is that he proved his love for us by sending his own perfect Son that he may have us back.
In Psalm 139, the psalmist declare that God knows everything about him. It holds true for him. It also holds true for us. God knows everything about us. Our thoughts and desires is not a secret to him. He is the perfect father. However many do not recognize him as one. In fact, many have not heard about his great love. Yet there will always be that natural desire for a perfect father, a Heavenly Father. I praise God that despite of who I am, He loves me unconditionally. Yet he not only accept me as who I am, he is also slowly molding me into becoming more like Jesus. I pray that more people will come to know of the Love of God and the Power of Salvation.
During my 18th birthday, Dad delivered a wonderful speech in front of our visitors. He said that the only thing that he desires for me is that I will love God above all things and follow God's desires in my life. Dad Loves me. I love Dad. We may have a problem in expressing this through words but our heavenly father is working in us. Indeed, He is also working in you.
Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." (Galatians 4:6)