Lord, itís 3 oíclock in the morning, but I canít sleep any longer. Itís Tuesday, a work day and I know Iíll have to get up at 5 to work on time. But I lay here, my brain flashing pictures of 21 adolescents who are angry, frustrated, threatening, potentially dangerous to my person and career: fears and guilty feelings, resentments and temptations abound in my head! Whereís the Advil!!!
I try to pray but I just canít get started. I want to run outside but itís too dark! I want to write but I canít think of anything!
Iím just tired, Lord! This early morning thinking is driving me nuts! Forgive me, Lord!
Only two miles!! I ran only two miles! Thatís unacceptable! I was only able to put two words down! The time, where has it gone? Unless I hurry Iím going to be late for work.
You know, I canít believe I ate a one pound bag of cranberry-raisin trail mix all by myself on the drive to Oklahoma City. Gosh! This staff has salted nuts, bananas with palm oilósodium and bad cholesterol! How can a grown man be so juvenile?
And, no, Lord I havenít forgotten that I was driving like a darn fool this morning down I-40! That driver from the state of Texas speaking ďwhateverĒ in Spanish was a good reminder, and Iíll be more cognizant and careful this afternoon on the drive back home.
Iím sorry I stared at those two women in the hospital cafeteria. The first one was so physically beautiful and attractive as only You could create such a being! However, she, in my opinion, was marred by ugly tattoos on both upper forearms, piercing in her eyebrows and a tongue pin exposed when she smiled. These alterations were more than I could stomach. I felt sick. Psychologically, I thought, she desperately wants to be noticedóinferiority complex, questionable childhood, failed relationships! Some people are just so stupid with your gifts! Lord, how can You stand it! Lord, help her know You, please!!! And the other woman was just as young and pretty as well but so disfigured by some kind of accident that burned her. The accident affected her face, arms, probably her midsection, legs and ability to walk upright. The sight of this young woman made my heart ach and I felt like crying. Lord, life, in my limited human perspective, is sometimes just not fair, is it?
Speaking of fair, Lord, why is it that I am respectful to these adolescents who cuss, curse and swear at me constantly day in and day out, try to beat me, steal from me when I call them ďsirĒ, ďMr.Ē, ďyoung manĒ? And why is it, Lord that I also respect superiors and peers who return my Godly gestures with overtone as though I am the devil, arrogant, self-serving, and better than they when such thoughts never cross my mind! I love what I do and do it for your glory but could You make work a little more palatable? I suppose, Lord, Iím being petty? Is this a test? If it is, when is the examination going to pass? I know that You chastise those You love. May I ask for the strength to go on and serve if this is so and the testing must continue?
Iím sorry, Lord; to bother You with all of these weird and piddly problems, but this is my day to day life. But when I sit back and think about it, I donít have millions of people that donít know You, hate You, distort who you are and keep crucifying You daily with their lewd thoughts, defiant spirit and behaviors. I also donít have to keep the universe in order either. What a headache that must be! Lord, how do you remember the names of billions and billions of people throughout all times and love each and every one of them, too! Whereís the Advil!!!! Lord, I just have a ton of things I need to unload before I go absolutely crazy! I know and trust You will take my filthy attitude and clean up the laundry of my heart and soul for my eternity. Thanks Lord!
Lord, if Youíll give me another day, Iíll work harder at cleaning up my attitude and those things in life that scare the heck out of me as I know that You are there!