My son Barron brought home one of his friends. Barron at this time was 16 yrs. old. He said, “Mama this is my friend Allen.” I told Allen that it was nice to meet him. Allen was a strange sort of teenager. He never had stability or love. He always smelled like his home was not a clean one. I invited Allen to stay for dinner, and we all enjoyed his company. Allen would go home and in the morning he would return. One day I had a talk with Allen and he explained to me that he lived with his step dad. His mother had run away with someone from the carnival. This made Allen very sad but he would smile and laugh any way. Allen had a strong voice one that you would hear coming from a determined preacher or a radio disc jockey. He was a throw away child, but we loved him just for being Allen.
Allen had a big heart although most people didn’t realize this or see it. If Allen came over I would go in the kitchen and cook him a meal. No matter what time of day, I knew that Allen would need a home cook meal. Early one morning he came over and I started to prepare breakfast for him. After he ate we both sat at the dining room table and we talked. Allen started to weep, he said, “no one has ever been nice to me.” He also told me not to tell anyone that he had cried. I am sorry Allen…but this has to be told because I want people to see the person that you really are.
Months later Allen went to jail…for what I do not remember. He would call me on the telephone from jail and I would take the collect calls. While he was in jail he sent me recipes and we kept in touch for awhile. The last time I talk with Allen I told him that I could not take anymore collect calls as I was having financial difficulties at that time. Allen continued to call and yes my telephone was disconnected for awhile. That’s the last time I heard from Allen.
Many years later I was watching the local news. The top story was about a man who had been missing for about a week. They found his body and he had been shot in the head. They caught the suspects and that’s when I heard the name Allen. My heart stopped and I shall never forget that moment in time. Yes, it was the Allen that had sat at my table and wept because no one had ever shown him love until he met this family. Yes it was the Allen who had made us laugh by just being himself. After hearing this, my heart was heavy and somewhat broken…not knowing what was going to happen to Allen.
Months later I heard on the news that Allen’s trial was over; his sentence was the death penalty. I have prayed for Allen over the years not knowing what prison he was housed in. I did a search on the computer and found a place that would look up inmates and addresses, because I wanted to write Allen. I sent this inmates search place an email stating Allen’s birthday and the county that he was convicted in. The next day they sent me Allen’s prison number and the address of the prison that he resides in.
I wrote to Allen that evening and the letter was mailed yesterday. So I wait to hear how Allen is doing.
In life you never know how meeting a person will effect your life. Some people cross your path and you automatically love them. That’s the way it was with Allen. I have cried as if I was his mother mourning the loss of a son. Not knowing how he is doing, what he is eating, if he is being treated unkindly. I know that he is a convicted killer, I read the transcripts from his trial…they too are on the computer. They say that not only did Allen kill one man, but two men and two women. I also cry for those people that had to leave this earth because they met Allen.
Allen what happen to you over the years that we were not in touch? I knew that you had somewhat of a violent nature. You were always a little boy trying to make it in this big cruel world. If only you would have come and talked with me but we lost touch with each other.
I pray this prayer for you, Allen: Lord Jesus you know our hearts and our thoughts. You are the final judge of our existence here on earth. I ask that you speak with Allen in and through his deepest despair. You are always the silent listener in every conversation. Lift his mind and heart above the situation that he is in. Plead his cause before the Father in Heaven. If he should face death, please be there to meet him on the other side. Amen & Amen
I do pray for the families that have loss loved ones also. That their hearts are comforted in this day. I want to say for Allen, that he is sorry and please forgive him. I know that this doesn’t change things and this cannot bring back your loved ones. Are you wondering how it is that I can have love in my heart for such a person as Allen? It’s called unconditional love, the same love that God has for us all.
Allen remember this, we pass from life to death to life eternal. Forgive your mother and all who have offended you over your lifetime. Only in forgiveness will you be forgiven. Jesus Christ loves you and He died for you too. Not only did He die he resurrected back to life again. He loves you Allen and I love you too.
Today the letter came back to me, Allen has been moved else where. He sits on death row waiting, and he is a son of the heart.
Oh Annzetta! How heartbreaking. I hope that you'll be able to make contact with Alan to at least be a voice of love to him on death row and to be able to share the love of Christ with him as well. Alan is definitely accountable for his own actions, but it does bring home the fact that as parents we also have a huge part to play in the shaping of our children's lives. With love, Deb