Periodically, in our Christian journey here on this earth, I believe that God moves the secret place of His abiding. At first I thought that He was moving it side to side, or here and there, to get me to come find Him...to hunger more. But that is only part of the picture...
Recently, the Holy Spirit whispered to me that God does not move it here or there, but He moves it inward, in closer to His heart, His identity, His Being. He longs for closer intimacy with me, with every human being, so He sends us searching for His heart, His person.
We may find His Presence for awhile in a particular worship song, CD, favorite worship leader... or in a particular pattern of quiet before Him, in contemplative prayer, Scripture reading and study. And then one day, we notice that while our movements and habits are the same as they were yesterday, something's missing... God. It is a reminder that He does not wish to dwell in something made with human hands (a special song, a special devotional chair in the house, a particular habit)...His dwelling place is within us and we are to dwell and abide IN Him, not in the spiritual structures we create and hold dear. They are to always remain as tools, in the hand of the Master Builder.
As the realization dawns that God has moved, the question becomes where did He go? Deeper. His deep calls to our deep. He wants to penetrate into our deepest needs. But first there is a process...
We go searching. Time goes by and all is quiet. We get desperate. We cry out. We search ourselves for sin. We confess all that we can think of...and still silence and nothingness. We humble ourselves and ask God to search us for sin. A little whisper, a little Light, and something surfaces...something we didn't even know was there, but the Father did...and He knew it was blocking the way for a deeper intimacy with Him. Like flesh that needs to be circumcised, we bring ourselves to the Cross again and repent and receive the forgiveness that flows down with Jesus' Blood.
This is part of our exquisite tension as we "work out our salvation with fear and trembling." Our righteousness is sure and complete in Christ from the moment we belive in Him as the Son of God and the only way to eternal life. And we must always live and breathe from a state of approval with God because of Jesus' sacrifice rather than living in a dismal state of trying to gain God's approval. Still, we are to always be moving from glory to glory, beholding His face, having our sinful flesh burned off as the coal from the altar touches it. The stoney places in our hearts are made soft. Less of us means more of God can come in and dwell among us.
As Esther was cleansed and prepared for her king, to be brought into his inner chamber, so too are we for our King, the King of Kings. And as I come into His inner chamber, I am in His Presence again, near Him. I am in His embrace and all the pain of missing Him during the time of searching and preparation fades away and my joy is complete once again, my hungry heart is full.
My heart knows love at a deeper level. How wonderful the Lover of my soul is, how greatly I can trust Him, no matter how dark it gets. Darkness is light to Him.
My heart has found it's home again...for now. For surely, our journey into the unfathomable and mysterious depths of my God will begin again when He says it is time. It will be an hour I know not, but this I do know: He leads me beside still waters and gives me rest and I drink deeply of His love...and it is enough for the journey. He is so faithful, loving and kind. His name is Wonderful.