Marriage And A Call For Chubby
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Larry Lilly's Letter Thursday June 22, 2006
J. Austin Bennett a friend sent some information to me that I find troubling though the info is in tune with current national trends. It is the kind of information that most will see as bitter sweet, humorous yet painful. It is the sort of thing that would be in the weekly paper at Lake Wobegon, or some other idyllic community.
In order to properly communicate the full effect I will admit to going around the fence post to get to the barn, but the trip is worth it.
It seems according to actual ads ran in newspapers that a family is offering puppies absolutely free to good homes. The mother of the puppies is an AKC registered German Shepherd, and I must say these type of dogs are beauties to behold. The father is listed only as a "Super Dog able to leap tall fences in a single bound."
Another ad advertises free puppies, half Cocker Spaniel and half Sneaky Neighbor's Dog.
Canines are not the only creatures suffering from mating problems though. Our national index of serious mating problems is at 52% of humans saying "I find this marriage/kennel life too restrictive, so long."
This growing trend is also reflected in the want ad sections of newspapers around the home of the brave as these samples clearly show:
Wedding dress for sale. Worn once by mistake. Call, and the ad gives a number and sorely disappointed girls name.
Here's the corker:
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.
I would assume from the tone of the encyclopedia ad that another will appear advertising yet another wedding dress for sale.
Any spiritual/biblical analogy to this? With a little stretch, of course. With the canines it is good to note that only Christians are to marry Christians, and it should go with out saying, no Super fence jumpers allowed. As for the wife/husband who 'knows everything' attorneys love you for you provide their children an education in the very best schools where they in turn will learn how to get rich out of the pockets of husbands/wives who 'know everything.'
Once in a fit of trying to redeem youth, I bought a Nordic Track. In short order I got over this wishful thinking and so I asked the Great Blonde to run an ad for me and to give my cell number for inquiry. When I read the ad, along with several thousand other people I assure you that I had thoughts of a once fair maiden offering her wedding dress on EBay. The ad:
For sale: Nordic Track. $300 Hardly used, call Chubby at….
This should give some idea of my 42 years of suffering.
Larry Lilly Copyright © 2006 Use with credit.
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