Christian Living
What do you value the most in your life? Have you experienced a situation where you can't decide because you weren't clear about what you value the most among given choices? Are your highest values giving you proper direction for your life?
Personal values refer to those things that are most important to you in life. When you're clear about what your personal values are, it will help you learn why you do what you do. It also aids you to live more consistently. It's a map that set the direction of your life.
I remember the story of Johnny, an overseas worker. One vacation time, he found himself sitting in an auditorium full of parents anxious to watch their children during college graduation. His son was graduating as an honor student. He was so proud of him. Then it hit him. He glanced over at his wife Mia and then to his graduating teenage son Paul. And then, he said to himself, "I had missed it!"
Tears began welling up in Johnny. His wife looked at him and asked what's wrong. Johnny painfully said, "Our son Paul and I are like strangers. I had missed those important years of our son growing up. I could had been there for the games, for his studies, during his ups and downs, during family times together with him. But I was trading hours for dollars abroad. How on earth did I miss Paul growing up!"
You see, Johnny's highest value is family. But he decided to be an overseas worker. At first, things seemed okey, ably providing for the financial needs of his family. However, as time went by, he got caught up in the whirlwind of his overseas work. He began to be successful. Yet, he felt unhappy because he missed a lot of important events in the life of his son and family. He did accomplish a type of goal, but was missing out on his life's highest or more important value.
Johnny's experience appears to be a very common experience. People can decide to do certain things and in so doing, they miss out on what's most important in their lives. We all need to realize that, in order to be fulfilled and happy, we need to achieve our highest or top values first. It's a "values lesson" for Johnny. And he'd never forget that lesson.
Guess what's the exciting thing that happened to Johnny out of that "values lesson?" He discovered that there is a way to accomplish all his values simultaneously. He found a new way to meet his family and financial values together to move him precisely in the direction of what's most important in his life.
According to noted life coach, Anthony Robbins, there are two types of "values" to distingush: "ends" and "means." The "ends" values are those inner states that fulfill you and make your life rewarding and meaningful. Examples of these are love, security, or happiness. The "means" values, on the other hand, are merely ways to achieve the much deeper set of "ends" values. Examples of "means" values include money, career, or business.
Let's take the case of money. What does money really mean to you? What does it give you? You might mention inner states such as "freedom, security, or a sense of contribution to the world." So here, you see, money is not your "ends" value. Money is merely a means to achieve your desired inner states (what you truly value) that you want to accomplish in life.
The challenge therefore is to be clear on the difference between "ends" and "means" values. In that way, we don't experience unnecessary pain or "internal torture." In the case of Johnny, he got too busy pursuing "means" value (overseas job) that he was unable to achieve his true desires or higher priorities ("ends" value) such as nurturing love and intimacy with his family. Knowing your own "hierarchy" is thus critical for it's your top values that are going to bring you the greatest level of happiness.
Now, let me help you a bit in putting your values in order, from most important to least important, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1=most important; 10=least important). Rate the following suggested categories of "ends" values according to importance in your own life:
____ passion ____ love and intimacy _____ freedom _____ contribution _____ competence _____ growth _____ achievement _____ happiness _____ fun _____ health _____ creativity _____ security _____ comfort _____ adventure _____ success _____ power ____ money.
Of course, you probably value all of these, but isn't it fair to say you don't value them all equally? That's why you need to discover their "hierarchy" within you.
How did you fare? Remember, these "ends" values are the ones that you truly consider as most important in your life. Whatever they are, they determine your "means" values and affect altogether the direction of your whole life.
Friend, take this step now to know for sure what you really want in life by setting up your map of personal values. If you don't, you're likely to experience what appears to be inexplainable feelings of emptiness or unhappiness.
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