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I Lose The Battle But Win The War
by joy clarkson
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"Why don't you join the WWF?"(world wrestling fed)
"Fat doesn't suit you!"
"Oh my gosh!You've become soooo fat!"

These are just some of the statements I get to hear nowadays.Till some time ago,I had enjoyed the compliments that generally came my way due to a slim,well maintained figure and young looks,that had more to do with my genes than any help from beauty regimens.But that was yesterday.

Six years later and twenty kilos heavier,I find myself cringing at the disbelief I encounter along with the accompanying comments.The onslaught of cancer and the necessary hysterectomy which followed,have defeated all my battles of the bulge and I watch helplessly as my girth grows.

While I labour under a 20kg increase on a 5'2" frame,it makes me realise how people who become fat actually feel at most times.To have been born fat is one thing,to become rotund after a lifetime of "slim" is an entirely different issue.It isn't easy to be sane or practical when you see odd bulges and shapes reflected back at you in the mirror.No matter what you do,the puffy face refuses to look anything but fat!

I try to explain to myself that under all that flubber I'm still beautiful because I'm the same person.But who am I kidding? I see my confidence disintegrating every time my husband eyes that pretty slim thing that floats by.I feel threatened by his smart,young secretary and the innumerable thin ladies,who walk in and out of his hotel.I hide myself behind loose,ill-fitting clothes that make me look even more hideous and bulky.And then I sink into the abyss of "IC" (inferiority complex)

The folks at home and in the office, no longer admire me,instead I've become the butt of their jokes.So I have learned to laugh with them.And the worse I feel the louder I laugh.I even make jokes about myself.I think to myself that I've finally learned to live with it.Then why am I so low-key?Why do I opt to stay at home so often?Why do I suspect my husband wants to have an affair with every thin woman he sees?Why don't I drown in my tub of lard?

As the days pass,I get fresh insights about myself and better understanding of the situation I am in.I realise what being happy and content is all about.I can see that I am who I am,not because of the kilos my weighing machine records;nor the shape my clothes show off.It's my attitude.The right attitude will finally win the day.Fat or anorexic-I need a positive mind to lift my spirits (and I'm sure there are no fat or lean spirits)!

I still have my family;I still have my friends;I've still got love;I've still got my job--and ultimately that's all that matters.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
Member Date
Deborah Porter  12 Jun 2006
Hello dear Joy. Welcome to FaithWriters. I don't have time for a thorough critique right now, but I have to say that your message brought tears to my eyes. People are incredibly insensitive, and the comments you've received just go to prove that. No wonder you've had such a battle with self-confidence. But praise God, it sounds as though you are starting to gain the right attitude for your life (regardless of the opinions of others). Just a couple of very general comments--I know that you put this under "Humor," but my tears as I read it really show that it didn't quite work in this category. Perhaps Healthy Living, or Christian Living, would have been better. One other thing is to just make sure that you leave a space after your punctuation. Last of all (in this very quick review), my only other comment would be that the change of heart seemed to happen a little too dramatically at the end. You went from feeling concern that your husband may be having an affair, to that quick change of attitude. It was a bit too sudden for the reader to change gears. Other than that, very good message and one that I think will hit the hearts of many readers. With love, Deb (FaithWriters' Challenge Coordinator and Editor, FaithWriters' Magazine)
Dr. Sharon Schuetz 12 Jun 2006
Joy, this too is a good message straight from the heart. I can relate to your situation with the weight. I was thin until I turned 30 and for the next 11 years I put on over 100 lbs. I've since lost most of it, but I weight nearly 300 lbs. for a long time. I understand people's cruelty. You have a a very captivating writing style that you will do well with with a little experience, etc. I agree with Deb about the sudden change. You need to help the reader understand what made you feel more confident. Good job. You will go a long way.


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