Not knowing if I will have a job next year has really taken me to a deeper place in my walk with God. I truly have to put faith and trust into action. I never would have thought at 33 years of age I would be looking for a job and not get a quick response to my inquiries. But here I am waiting and trusting that my Heavenly Father knows what he is doing. I am seeing colleagues prepare for next year, hearing about plans and all I can do is sit in those meetings and say “God is in control and he has not left me alone.”
I have to praise God even though I do not see how ends are going to meet, and how bills will get paid. I have to choose to make lemonade out of the lemons I have been given, and keep thanking God for the outcome when he sees fit to open the door to what I am to do next, or I can look at the situation here and now wondering and worrying about how my family will survive. I choose to let God do what he sees fit. He is showing me that, that monthly paycheck can come and go. This is not a fun time because those around me don’t understand my faith and trust. They do not see that they are apart of Satan’s plan to distract, sending me chasing rabbits or to detour from the path He has set for me every time they ask me about a job or hearing about a job. But I have to stop letting their fear, lack of faith and trust govern my actions or set the temperature on my thermostat.
Time has come for me to understand that teaching is not and will not be the last thing I will do. See I got content in the teaching profession that I forgot to be flexible and remember that plans can and do change. Teaching was safe it gave me security because I had something tangible to let me know that my family’s needs were being met each and everyday. I did not want to step out on faith and do what God told me to do at the age of 12 and that was to write because that in my eyes was not a guarantee of financial security. Now I have to make a decision do I stick to my safe little plan? Or do I trust that God will provide as He always has? Once again I choose to let God lead the way.
I am choosing to go the way God wants me to because I do not want to spend the next 40 years or however much time I have left wondering through a dry and useless desert. I want the promise and the blessings not just a safe existence in this ever changing world. No matter how long I have to work or wait for the right door to open I want only the best. Now this has really been a hard road to travel especially in my home because my husband does not understand or even see the bigger picture. He is looking at the bills that come each month like clock work and how they will get paid if there is no income coming into the home. He does not understand that we have been called for a greater purpose and plan, and until we decide to surrender to that plan He has to do whatever it takes to get our attention. I hope that this lesson will be learned quickly and that my husband will come to understand what is happening right now. So now I have to choose to trust when no one else chooses to trust. I no longer want to live like a pauper when I am a princess in my Father’s sight.
Now this has been a verse that I have held onto for that last three years since I started choosing a life verse each year. Jeremiah 29:11-13
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you say, the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall call on Me, and you shall go and pray to Me, and I will hearken to you. And you shall seek Me, and find Me when you shall search for Me with all your heart.”
See I was seeking God but I was doing it on my terms and not His I was saying “Okay God I will do this if you give me a guarantee that I will have what I need to take care of my family.” And God said “Just trust Me.” Which should not be hard for me to do because He knew what He was bringing me in to this world for, why and how? He designed me and in Psalm 139:14 it tells me “I will praise You; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well.” Further down in that chapter verse 16 says”… and in Your book all my members were written…” He promises that “[His word] shall not return to [Him] void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”
I have a purpose and to be in a class room for the rest of my life was not all that my life encompassed. A mandate was spoken over me when that teacher called me aside and spoke writing into my spirit, but I was young and silly. I did not know then that God was setting me up for something greater in life. I just thought my thoughts and insights were for me when I was loosing my way or loosing it. Had I paid attention when friends and adults were telling me to share my writing with other people. I would have been well on my way to serving God and not having to worry about how to provide for my family. But I opted for the safe way and not what I felt in my spirit.
I was different even at a young age I knew things that I was not suppose to know. I wanted to be like everyone else. I did not want to stand out I was already different to my friends and to talk about the Lord was not cool. I should have found out and been willing to surrender then and I would not be learning this lesson at this time in my life.
How we live through these times of trail and adversity determine how long we have to go through these times of trial and adversity. See the children of Israel would not have had to wander in the desert 40 years if they had remembered how God provided for them. No, they grumbled and complained about being in the desert and having no food, or water how they were brought to the desert to die. Had they continued to trust they would have only had a 12 day journey. If you don’t want to have to learn this like I am having to learn this let me give you a little advice “listen when the Spirit prompts you to move and when that happens move, don’t hesitate or think about it,” because just as the Lord led Abram he will lead you. Trust is the key to persevering, which must be mixed with faith and action.