A Life Less Perfect
by Jerusha Borden
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Five years is not a long time. Put in perspective, it can feel like forever. Five years ago...life then was so different than what it is now. I dreamed of how life would be. I imagined my perfect life: I would get my degree and find an awesome job that made me feel successful, smart, attractively brainy. Maybe travel somewhere far away, like Paris to walk the streets and eat in a little cafe on a cobbled street watching people walk by, engrossed in each other and life. I would maybe fall in love and get married on a beach where I could feel the wind in my hair and the silky sand in between my toes. Children were part of the picture, but they came much later.
Fast forward to today. I am here, in my apartment on this green leather love seat listening to the peaceful breathing of my baby and waiting for my husband to come home from work. My perfect life, or the life that I imagined is nowhere near what my life is really like.
Just as I was finishing up my first degree, I met Steve. I don't know how it happened, or why. It just did. It was part of God's plan. Before I really knew what was happening, we fell in love and got married. Our wedding wasn't on a beach. It was in a church, and it was wonderful. We had beautiful weather, a delicious cake, and I had a pretty dress. It was such a nice day. Three months later, the unthinkable happened. I was studying hard and working on my second degree when I found out that I was pregnant. Shock and fear ravaged my soul...how would we handle being parents? How could we afford it? We weren't ready.
Late fall arrived and with it a beautiful baby boy. He brings us so much joy. He is so exciting and when I see the twinkle in his eye, I see myself. I see mystery, adventure and love. I didn't know how I would handle being a parent, but each new day brings new lessons and new trials and new victories. God is providing for us daily, and we are doing okay.
My perfectly planned life is history. I will never be able to walk cobblestoned streets, or sit in a cafe sipping some delicious concoction in Paris. I may never get that awesome job that makes me feel successful and smart. And unless you call making up your own recipie for the church potluck attractively brainy, you can count that out too. But you can't live your life based on a perfect idea. You have to embrace all that you are handed.
If I have learned anything over the past two years, it is that God has a plan for me that I cannot even begin to fathom. I didn't know what the future held for me five years ago, and I still don't. I think it is still healthy to have some sort of dream, some sort of goal in mind. I still dream of becoming a professor. Smaller dreams are to be able to afford our own house, in which I will have a cheery yellow kitchen, and to expand our family by adding another baby. Maybe a baby girl.
But something I have to remember is not to put too much stock into what the future holds. My perfect life may not have turned out the way I planned, but my life does seem perfect, because it was perfectly planned just for me. A simple phrase that reminds me of how to deal with the future is this: "Do not worry about what the future holds, for God holds the future."
He is holding my future in his hands. I may have what I think to be perfect idea, but what I really have to do is trust in him for his perfect will in my life, and be joyful and thankful for whatever that might entail.
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Hello :^) Your story is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing. Ahhh, I think back when our children were little... Now they are grown! Sure were many many unexpected turns in the road...but, He who hold my hand, and my childrens, holds our furtures. God bless you!! Jacque
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