Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!



 
Encouragement PLEASE ENCOURAGE THE AUTHOR BY COMMENTING

  LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE   SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE
  HIRE THIS WRITER
REPORT ARTICLE

 TRACK THIS AUTHOR ADD TO MY FAVORITES
corner
What's New
 
corner
 
Walking Contradiction
by Elyse Justice
05/19/06
For Sale
Author requests article critique


  Mail
 





I feel like a walking contradiction.
Ever feel that way? The things that appeal to me I don't want to do -- that kind of thing. It was extremely comforting when I discovered one of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, feels the same way sometimes:
"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said, 'I am a rational animal.' I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer."

Other than the beer part, that describes me perfectly. I have my "incredible capacities," they just don't happen to be alcoholic beverages.

Although at the moment I am worse than usual (not even able to make a decision on whether I want to watch a particular movie or not, for example), I usually am a bundle of paradoxes, as the quote says. Why is this?

I have noticed that my worst times of indecisiveness are usually accompanied by lack of contentment and joy.....I have my "escapes," but when I can't even find an escape that appeals to me I know I need to do some major heart-work.

I was writing in my prayer journal last night and, as happens frequently, I was able to express my heart a little better:
"Father, why is it that when I feel like running from everything in life, the only place I feel like I can actually escape is Your arms? I've been running from you lately by not running to you. Yet you always keep coming closer and closer with Your arms wide open!"
I cannot express how awesome His grace is. I think about how I feel when someone is pulling away from me: I put up a wall; I leave them alone; I get my feelings hurt. Not so with our Father! He longs to embrace us, longs for our love. He doesn't NEED it: He WANTS it. This in itself is hard for me to begin to fathom. Why would He want my love? Me, a bundle of paradoxes; a foolish creature who runs from the very thing I long for and need most; a prideful human who would rather find temporary pleasures than be humble enough to become as a child and crawl into my Father's lap and enjoy Him.....and rest.

As I told a friend in an email today, I have been trying to fight doubts and fears without my sword; it makes no sense. I have the Treasure of life, and I let it lay on my shelf. I know the Creator of the Universe, and I treat Him as a common aquaintance. I am offered intimacy with my Savior and True Love, and I try to fill the void with worthless idols.

This is why I am a bundle of paradoxes. When I am walking with Him and living the abundant life, it is no longer I who live but Christ living in me. But when I allow myself to slip into these times of handling this thing called life on my own......well, I not only fail and become depressed:
I'm a walking contradiction.

How thankful I am that He loves me even when I am running the opposite direction. I have found, when you are His, all paths lead to His arms; some are just a little rougher and take longer to get there. But when you are there, there is no other place more appealing. This is one thing I am sure of today.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

Read more articles by Elyse Justice or search for articles on the same topic or others.


Read More - Free Reprints, Main Site Articles, Most Read Articles or highly acclaimed Challenge Articles. Read Great New Release Christian Books for FREE in our Free Reads for Reviews Program. Christian writers can JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and help spread the Gospel.


The opinions expressed by authors do not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.

Hire a Christian Writer, Christian Writer Wanted, Christian Writer Needed, Christian Content Needed
Find a Christian Editor, Hire a Christian Editor, Christian Editor, Find a Christian Writer
 
corner
Corner
This article has been read 295 times     < Previous | Next >


Member Comments
Member Date




TRUST JESUS TODAY











Free Audio Bible
500 Plus Languages
Faith Comes By Hearing.com