This is a great poetic telling of the Eden narrative; Myown effort "Demon Dare" in the Challenge shows Satan in his true light- I hope. It wasn't to everyone's taste: the Jury's out, but I enjoyed doing it.
Ooh, I like this one a lot! I especially like the use of 'slid sinuously' to describe the serpent...great use of alliteration. The 's' sound is perfect for the hiss of the snake, and of course the 'sin' in 'sinuously' is brilliant!! Love it!!
Very nicely done. I really enjoyed the piece. You provided a great picture of the Soundless Serpent, and the hope for our return.
"Before this world came into being
He saw this tragic day"
If you wrote "Before this world came to be" it seems to have better cadence.
I loved this work.