A FLIM FLAM MADAM AND GRAND SPAM, AD NAUSEAM
by James Snyder
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A FLIM FLAM MADAM AND GRAND SPAM, AD NAUSEAM
Those who know me will gladly testify that I'm a pretty straight-laced, right down the barrel individual. I don't put up with any nonsense nor do I put on airs. What you see is what you get. I'm not a prude, however, and I don't mind a little "hanky," but "panky" is completely out of the question in my book.
Normally, I'm calm, cool and collected (except for some stray socks under my bed). However, this past week I'm afraid I rather lost it. There comes a time when a person has to put his foot down- and down came my foot with a somewhat loud thud.
It all started quite early in the week. We order our office supplies over the Internet, saving the time and trouble of driving across town. I've gotten quite competent in ordering over the Internet, if I say so myself.
My only problem is, try as I might, I don't always remember those silly codes and passwords. I write them down and put the list where I can find it only to forget where I put it.
I probably hold the world's record for the most passwords lost. This past week was no exception.
Before processing my office supply order, I needed to put in my password. Trouble was, I couldn't remember it.
Nothing is more frustrating in this world than trying to process an Internet order without the proper password. I finally gave up and decided to call the company and get my password.
So far, so good. Then I did something right for a change. I asked my wife to dial the number and then hand me the receiver.
Have you ever done something you later discovered to be the best thing in the world for you to do? Now you know how I felt. Had my wife not dialed the number I would have been in a tight squeeze, if you know what I mean.
My wife, who is my secretary, dutifully dialed the number and graciously handed me the telephone. When I put the receiver to my ear, I heard a sultry voice invite me to do things I had never considered before in my life.
What she said sent shockwaves down to the soles of my feet and back to the top of my head only to repeat itself several times. I had heard of such things but I never heard it personally.
I immediately looked at my wife and demanded, "What number did you dial?"
"I dialed the number you gave me," she said rather flippantly.
"Okay," I quipped, "listen to this."
I handed the telephone back to her and watched her eyes get big and her mouth drop open. She quickly gave it back to me, but I didn't want it either.
Inadvertently, she had dialed some phone sex number. We both went to the restroom to wash out our ears.
We're thinking of throwing out the whole telephone set. Every time we see it, we think of that terrible incident.
I barely recovered when something worse, if you can imagine, happened. I innocently opened an e-mail and was taken immediately to a porno site. I gasped and quickly used my mouse to click it off.
Before I could do that, two more porno sites jumped right onto my screen. I quickly tried to close them and when I did several more sites popped up on my screen.
The more sites I closed the more popped up on my computer screen. I was pooped from all the popping.
By this time, my computer was jammed with porno sites. Out of desperation (not to mention sheer embarrassment), I turned my computer off. I had been spammed by porno sites.
If my computer wouldn't have cost so much to replace, I would have thrown it away. I am practical, after all.
According to some, nothing can be done about this spam problem. Sure, I can put filters on my computer, which will prohibit me getting some things I really want. But, why should I have to do that?
Why are they allowed to spam me? What if I were a minor? Not that I've been so mistaken lately.
What it boils down to is this. The pornographer's right of free speech takes precedent over my personal idea of decency. I do not think the right of free speech includes forcing me to hear or see what somebody thinks is entertainment.
Nobody can fix this "spamming" problem, so they say. However, I think I have found a way to deal with it.
Somebody needs to develop some special program just for the Internet. This program would spam Bible verses. It would work just like those porno spam programs; only instead of pornography, it would be Bible verses.
One Bible verse would appear and before the person could close it down, three more would pop up on their computer screen. By the time they tried to close all the windows the computer screen would be full of Bible verses.
So far, I like it. After two people have been thus spammed, someone would come up with a way to stop all that infernal spam that chokes computers like mine.
The first Bible verse I would recommend for this is "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." (Proverbs 14:12 KJV.)
What seems right to some, even most, may not be truly right. My standard of judging right and wrong is the Bible, God's Word.
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Great articles! I love the way you give the quick twist at the end to get your point across. You made me chuckle and think at the same time! God bless you! Donna
James, another first rate article. You had me chuckling, as well as appreciating an excellent message. With love, Deb