The rumors of my addiction to cheesecake are highly exaggerated. So much so, I feel constrained to set the record straight - right after I have another slice of cheesecake.
Things have been a little ... oh, what should I say ... prickly, around the parsonage of late. I point no accusing finger, but it's not me, if you know what I mean.
Someone, and I mention no names, has been riding my case about the consumption of cheesecake in our home. In fact, this nameless person has gone so far as suggest that I am addicted to cheesecake. Ha! And I say "ha" defiantly.
I'm not addicted to cheesecake. Whoever heard of such a thing? I can give up cheesecake any time I want. At this particular time, I just happen not to want to.
I know it's possible for other people to become so addicted, but in my case, I only eat cheesecake when I want to, and right about now - I want to, so, if you'll excuse me.
Other people do have problems with addiction but not me. It just so happens my capacity for cheesecake surpasses the average person. That's all.
However, if you're going to be addicted to something, I highly recommend cheesecake, especially the New York style. It's my favorite.
Cheesecake is the sort of thing you can eat with a group of people (although I'm always careful that nobody hogs my share, which is just a tad more than anyone else's) or, you can eat it alone in the comfort of your own home.
Fortunately, there is no wrong time or place to eat cheesecake.
Recently, the gracious Mistress of the Parsonage informed me in no uncertain terms that there is more to life than cheesecake. But what does she know? She eats broccoli.
How can anybody who eats such things as broccoli know anything about good taste? I refuse to take any culinary recommendations from anyone who eats such things and loves them.
I could, if I were that sort of person, which I'm not, accuse her of being addicted to broccoli. It's obvious to me that her taste buds have been burnt out years ago by such gastronomic catastrophes as broccoli and cauliflower. Just the thought of that rattles my appetite.
My taste buds, on the other hand, have blossomed into a marvelous apparatus allowing me to savor the good things of life. And I owe all this to cheesecake.
New York-style cheesecake has caressed and nurtured my taste buds until they are in tiptop shape, bringing infinite pleasure to me.
Intellectually, I know life consists of more than cheesecake. Experience, however, has taught me, much to my dietary delight, that cheesecake makes everything else that much more wonderful.
I'm here to say that you can have your cheesecake and eat it, too. That's the remarkable attribute of cheesecake. Very few things in life can do that.
I think the most wonderful person in the world was the creator of the cheesecake. This person is a genius of the first order and deserves some sort of recognition.
I often fantasize about that memorable day when the concoction was born. One moment it wasn't and then - voila, there it was in all its creamy delight and toothsome majesty. A culinary triumph of the first order.
Oh, how I wish I could have been there to witness such a discovery. A creation that has changed the world - especially mine.
Allow me to give you a list of some of the wonderful aspects of cheesecake and then you be the judge:
It never talks back to me. It accepts me as I am. It's always there when I need it (which is all the time). One slice is the exact size of the hunger hole in my stomach at any given time. The only thing better than a slice of cheesecake are two slices.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Along this same line, I have reworked some popular jingles, which go so well with my sentiments.
Let me share a few with you: Things go better with cheesecake. Weekends were made for cheesecake. When in doubt, eat a slice of cheesecake.
In my mind, there is nothing cheesy about cheesecake. It is one of the wonders of the modern world. You may be astounded to find out that my good wife, the one who has been by my side all these years (32 this August), has recommended therapy.
For some sordid reason, she feels I'm in denial about being addicted to cheesecake. But I deny it on a stack of Betty Crocker cookbooks, a mile high. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
There is something I am addicted to and I gladly own up to it. That one thing is the Bible. My motto has been for many years: "Never a day without my portion of scripture."
I have read the Bible through at least 50 times. Many years ago, my Sunday school teacher taught me: "A verse a day keeps the devil away." I've never forgotten that.
It was Jesus who said: "But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4 KJV.)
My favorite verse is: "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalms 119:105 KJV.)