by Kevin Ewing
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Why am I always the one being hurt?
No matter how much I give! No matter what I do! I was so faithful! And yet I am always the one being hurt in my relationships. Do these words sound familiar? Maybe you have said these words at one time or another, and you like many others are still trying to figure out what happened, why does this always happen to you?
In this article we will look at relationship hurts from a non conventional view, and look at where it all began and in doing that, I am almost certain that we will probably all agree that the root cause of our negative relationships may just in fact be ourselves. Yes! You read right, we are probably the initiators of our negative relationships.
Firstly there are laws that govern life, just like there are laws that govern a country, a business or an organization. For example the law that may governs a country states that if one commits murder he or she should be sentenced to life in prison or sentence to death. One of the laws of life is; what ever lives must die. Well like I mentioned earlier we will look at this from a non conventional view and that view is based on a biblical principle, which every other law or principle follows and gives us the results of what we see in every day life, particularly our own.
Remember the story in the bible about Noah (Gen: 8), well after the flood God made a promise to Noah, or we can say God gave him (4) four principles/laws that the new earth would now be governed by. God said, “As long as this earth exist (1) there will be seed time and harvest (2) cold and heat (3) summer and winter (4) day and night shall not cease. (Gen: 8:22) So basically the foundation that I am trying to prepare here is simply this ‘NOTHING JUST HAPPENS’ one must have activated a spiritual law that is constantly giving you the result that you are receiving. It is not others, things, circumstances, or one’s environment it is your application of spiritual laws whether you are aware of it or not. You see, we apply these laws in our everyday life either for our advantage or disadvantage, but yet when the results are negative we tend to blame others and not ourselves.
For the purpose of this article the law that we will be focusing on would be the law of seed time and harvest, which simply mean: what you give you will get, what goes around comes around, what you sow you will reap etc. I have also decided to use my life as an example of how these principles work. I am quite aware of the implication that this could possibly bring, however I think I owe it to my readers to be up front especially pertaining to matters as delicate as this.
In my earlier years, just like any other young man, my entire way of thinking was totally distorted. According to some older men in my environment at the time it was cool for men to have several women, their reasoning was that other guys would not only respect you but look up to you as some sort of love guru. Of course being young and having no experience, in my opinion what more could a young man my age ask for. Ironically no one ever mentioned to me about there being things that I could not physically see that was in fact governing my life. So, not being equipped with this, what I would call very useful information I just lived a careless life predominantly in my relationships, I was convinced that being with one woman was at best a joke, my thinking was, I’m not the ugliest guy in the world plenty ladies like me so why should I deprive them. I was always in transition with my relationships leaving a path of destruction and broken hearts behind me. I must insert here that the average young male presently lives this way, and the sad part about all of this is that there is no one to tell him otherwise or to educate him in this critical area of life.
To be totally honest I could not understand the concept as to why a guy would want to be with one woman, when there is such an extensive variety out there. I guess I felt this way because I was always the one on the winning end. Amazingly enough the only way I could have maintain this position was to inevitably separate love from sex, and in that way sex became just an act with the sole purpose of attaining pleasure with no emotions attached to it, so as you can see it was not a problem for me to toss these ladies to the side whenever I became bored and decided to move on.
Before I go any further I just want to educate my sisters here for a moment, when it comes to love and sex. Women have a way of considering love and sex to be synonymous with one another, and feel that once they would have become sexually intimate with a guy there is a oneness between both of you, oneness meaning the supposed love is mutual, which if I might add can be very dangerous. Mind you, this can be right if done in the right sequence with a mutual understanding. What I am saying is you should not have sex and then decide to love, it should be love first and because of this love, your deciding to have sex would only be an ultimate act of intimacy, because in doing the sex then love thing, it is as if you are saying sex will determine if I will love you, which reduces it to an act trying to become an emotion.
So far you can see a pattern of seeds ( seeds of destruction I call them) that I had no idea I was depositing in the soil bed of life, and further more, not knowing that one day there will be a harvest to the planting of all those seeds. As life went on fate would have it where time would eventually catch up with me and there would be no way of escape to the payday that I have unknowingly worked so meticulously hard for.
I in time met someone that I really liked that, eventually I grew to love and therefore saw no reason to execute my successful plan that had yet to fail me which; was the separation of love from sex. However, the failure to do this would eventually place me on the lower end of the continuum. In the midst of our relationship things just began to turn sour and I became subject to her because I did not want to loose her- I was at this point a patient receiving of my own medicine, that I must say left an awful taste in my mouth, to simply put it. Again because I did not execute my plan I was like the cartoon character pop eye with out my spinach- I became weak. In time I discovered that she was cheating, lying and the list goes on, we in due course parted.
At this moment I am sure everyone reading this is saying, that’s good for me I deserved it, and you are very correct, but please do not miss the point in my story, and that is my story is not about retribution, but instead the laws that govern life which every human being is subject to weather they believe it or not. I was only being repaid by the higher power for what I have done to others, you see, time would not allow me to play the victim role when reality was saying, “look you caused this on yourself’”
So in essence I can not blame the lady that supposedly did the hurting to me, but instead I laid the ground work in the past with other people, or we could say planted the seeds in the past. Now harvest has arrived, and the fact of the matter is I could not stop that harvest, because it operated under the authority of the law of God, which again states as long as this earth remains there will be seed time and harvest, which of course I was an unwilling participant.
Folks, bear In mind, that we all will pay for the tings that we have done to others, I am a classic example, and at the end of the day we have no one to blame but ourselves, bad relationships or even hurt don’t JUST HAPPEN, there is always a history to every event, but as usual when it is time to explain the story to someone we quickly develop selective memory and can only remember the good we did, and forget the bad things we did to others. I know just how you feel if you have recently been hurt by someone be it through a relationship or whatever, but in order to create a balance and to be fair with oneself one must analyze his or her life to discover the real source of this hurt that was issued to you. Remember nothing just happens.
People are more devastated with relationship hurt situations, than any other hurt situation, simply because, at the core of this hurt lies what I call confusion. Confused? Well let me explain, you see everything that takes place in this life that we live, has a beginning and an end. Hence led me to the theory I have recently discovered and that theory is called “pattern equals result.”
Pattern equals result came about when I systematically looked at hurt, from a humanistic logical stand point. Everything that we do we expect a result from it, now it all depends what it is we are doing we would normally have some idea what the end result would be or what we expect it to be, naturally the whole idea behind this is, the pattern must equal the result. Currently with the person who has been hurt in the relationship created a pattern, where they expressed their love to their partner, showered their partner with gifts, they were affectionate, and all the good stuff, expecting as a result: faithfulness and love in return. However the person they were doing all of this for did just the opposite and was unfaithful, and probably even ended the relationship.
As you can see their pattern did not equal what they would have liked to be their result, thus creating confusion which results is hurt. So the root of hurt is quintessentially, really a confused person, because they can not understand, how is it that, they were so faithful and good in the relationship, to receive such a raw deal in the end. So it is safe to say unresolved confusion in relationships ultimately produces hurt. To prove this theory just compare people whose pattern equals their results, of course they are experiencing lasting or satisfying relationships. It is no different than you planning out you day and everything went according to plan, are you not a happier satisfied person at the end of the day?
Please! I am not advocating that if you decide to love someone you should take on the plan that I had, or try and put up these barriers to prevent yourself from being hurt. If you are in fact doing the above quite frankly you are wasting your time, remember now! if you have sown bad or good things the law now takes it from there, and inevitably you have no control in changing the end result ( if you sow bad you will reap bad, and if you sow good you will reap good) it is that simple.
So to my sisters and brothers and all in between, please! Please! For the love of God, get up out of the mucky pig pen of self pity and the illusion of you being a victim of hurt, and with a fine tooth comb go over your life and I am almost certain that you would discover where you in fact did not become a victim of someone hurting you but instead you became a victim to the laws that govern life, where you were quite active in what you got as a result.
BY: KEVIN L.A EWING
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