I'm not too scared... or at least that's what I keep saying... I should step out but in stepping out I'm putting a target on my head. Should I? Maybe that's not the true question I should be asking myself at this point. I guess the real question should be "Where do I want to rest my head?" Forever in peace or forever in agony? So I've grown up in the church; what difference is that right now? I'm giving myself a headache with all these questions... "If there is anyone here who has never truly accepted Christ into their life please come forward... we are never promised tomorrow... make your stand here & now..." umm... truly what a word to describe what I'm going through right now... truly confused is more like it. My heart won't quit pounding, I feel as if everything inside of me is about to pop if I don't move... but wait... what about my friends next to me? what about my family beside me? what about the pastor in front of me? what about the eyes that have watched me grow up in this church? oh man... what will they think... "what a poor shame that boy..." "all those years wasted...." "how could he lie to us all like this?..." my head & my heart are pounding in sequence together now... I can't even hear what the pastor is saying anymore. "Come my son... find your rest... find what you've been missing...." Up on my feet now... I can't look back. Wow, I've never noticed how tall the pastor really is... I can feel everyones eyes upon me. I feel like they're burning right through my flesh. I can't lift my head to look him in the eyes; I feel like this lie is posted on my forehead now... "Pastor... I want to truly know Christ..." I started to say with my head down & tears pouring down. "Steve..." he starts to speak as he lifts my head upward, "Steve, come find rest... come" This prayer I've known... I've heard it over & over again but this time its different... This time it's... it's true to my hearts wanting. As I said "Amen" I felt of gust of hot air rush in, I lost my balance & fell back... As I knelt there in front of the altar I felt no longer the eyes of the church but the warm & gently hands of my new family. Their prayers were loud & many but they all seemed to mix together & fade out as this faint whisper echoed throughout my soul..."Welcome home my son....Welcome home my child..."
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