“Whose turn is it? Is it mine? Is it mine?” Moab asked. “I love telling stories.”
“Abigail and I weren’t done yet.” answered the narrator.
“It’s alright. You better let him go before he starts to flood the house with his crying.” she said with a smirk. “Last time it took a couple hours to drain out the house.”
“That’s a lie. I don’t cry that much, just a little bit.”
“I’ll make lunch. Go sit on the couch.” The narrator went to sit on the blue couch in what looked like the living room. Uzar went into his room mumbling about napping and plans of some kind. Moab climbed into a big red reclining chair that looked like it came from a psychologist’s office. The room was well kept and nice looking though it had no decorating sense. The colors were all off and the furniture placement was all wrong. The walls were riddled with pictures of all kinds and all styles, though the only content within them was the three: Abigail, Moab and Uzar.
“So what do you want to talk about today?” Moab asked. Moab looked at the narrator like he was the doctor for the day.
“Well, let’s talk about your childhood. Just give me some details about your early life. I’ll interrupt you when I feel the need.”
I was only a baby when my mom abandoned me. I don’t hold it against her and I’ve let it go. People tell me its just nature and that it happens to all snakes but I don’t believe them. I would never abandon my child.
I learned to eat on my own from watching other snakes eat. I would only kill if it was necessary, I never liked violence. I was the quiet type, never really spoke up or to anyone. People tried to talk to me but I would just ignore them for the most part. I was afraid of getting hurt or someone abandoning me, I guess.
I was very watchful when it came to my peers. I would always try to learn from others mistakes. I would watch them from afar making sure I didn’t come too close. I watched some get eaten by other animals. I learned who to run away from and who to stay near. I learned who my friends were and who my enemies were.
I also learned that the snake and the mongoose are natural enemies, which is why Uzar and I always argue. We have learned to bury our differences and move on. I think part of the reason is because he was the first person I let come near me emotionally, and he I as well.
“How did you and Uzar meet?”
I can remember like it was yesterday. I was slithering along as usual after quite a scare in the garden of some lady. That was the first time I realized that I should never approach another person without caution or chase prey into somewhere I don’t know. I almost got my head smashed in. I was quite nervous and I saw a figure by the side of the road. It was a mongoose.
I had previously learned from experience not to approach mongooses and I was about to slither away but then I noticed the mongoose crying. He’ll never admit it but he was crying; probably one of the few times in his life.
I have compassion for hurt animals and this one was no exception, but I didn’t know if this was a trick either. So I approached with caution, ever wary of the present danger I was putting myself in. I got close enough to see that it was a male. He must have heard me because he looked up and saw me. We looked at each other and he had despair in his eyes. He just went back to crying. It seems like he had just given up on life.
I went up to him and I just sat next to him. After he stopped crying we started talking. I was concerned about him and we talked a long time about his past. He mentioned his ex-sidekick, Fuzzles, and some of his henchmen. He seemed quite intelligent and a well-rounded person, for an evil villain. I suggested that he could stay with me in my home. It wasn’t much but it made do.
It seemed he had accumulated a lot of wealth while being an evil villain, which helped pay the bills and buy the food. Neither of us worked, he had plenty of money to support us for the rest of our lives. We had our own separate bedroom, which was preferred, but almost everything else we did together. As we grew closer together we started to act like brothers. We would always argue and bicker even though we would both die for each other. We did quite well living together, until she came along.
“Who was she?”
“I don’t want to talk about her. She broke my heart. I’m still a little tender because of it.”
“So she was your girlfriend?"
“Yeah. My ex-girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry to hear about that.”
“It’s alright. It’s just a part of life. Everything leaves eventually. Nothing is constant except maybe time.”
“So let’s change the subject. When did you two meet Abigail?"
It was shortly after the Miss Teen of the Universe contest. Uzar and I were in the market place shopping for the week, arguing as usual. We were passing by this one shop and she came out of it. It wasn’t your normal shop though; it had some strange vibes coming from it. It didn’t seem like they were selling anything but there was a long line of people.
As she came out she walked right up to us and started talking to us. We greeted and we talked and then Uzar and I went to leave, but she followed us. In fact, she was forced to. It’s not like she was ordered to or there was someone there to make her, she just couldn’t help but follow us. We tried running away from her, chaining her to stuff, using giant magnets and the local giant, Fred, to keep her away from us but she would just keep following us. Believe me, she didn’t want to either.
So we went back to the house and decided what to do. We were just going to have to let her live with us. Until the compulsion left her, it looked like there was no other option. We couldn’t just kill her, plus she was decent company. She had just recently won her court case, which she didn’t bother to tell us until we had become friends. Nobody would want a supposed murderer in his or her house.
“Lunch is ready.” Abigail said from the kitchen. The smell of crumpets and tea filled the house. Uzar rushed out from his room and nearly knocked the table over, causing a near catastrophe.
“Look what you did.” Moab said as he quietly slithered to his spot. As Abigail went to her seat she smiled like this happens every day.
“How was the doctor today?” She asked.
“He was lousy.”
“But.. I…” The narrator started.
“SHHH. It’s rude to interrupt.” She said with a wink.
“He didn’t really offer any analytical information. He just had me talk for the most part. Plus he had no candy for me. I guess it was okay for such short notice.”
“Well I hope its better next time. So Uzar, how was your nap?”
“Good. I had a dream in which I devised this diabolical scheme to take over the world and then I finally defeated Secret Agent E!”
“You know you’re not supposed to have those dreams still. According to the ESVA rules you have to call your buddy.”
“I don’t want to call him. He’s crazier than I am. I don’t know how he got out of the mental institution but he definitely should not be allowed in the ESVA. The guy could still be a national threat to society. He’s nuts.”
“Don’t say mean things about him. I’ve met him before and he seems like a very nice man. A little strange yes, but nice nonetheless.”
“A little strange? The guy walks around naked.”
“Well alright. You don’t have to call him but next time you will. I know you don’t like the Evil Super Villains Anonymous but it has helped you out a lot; which reminds me, have you called them and asked about your assets?”
“No, I was going to do that after I talked to the narrator.”
“Well finish up eating and then you guys can start.”