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{This satirical article was first published on Suite101.com}

The following is a transcript of a recent religious radio talk show. The names, show title, and show content have been changed for obvious reasons.

Announcer: Welcome to another segment of Issues and Views of Today, the show that brings you the most significant and profound ideas from some of the greatest liberal and conservative intellectuals of modern religious thought. And now it pleases me to introduce the host of our show, Dr. Hugh Musbeblind.

Hugh: Good evening and welcome to Issues and Views of Today. I am your host, Hugh Musbeblind. With me today is my very special guest, Shelly Livordie. Shelly was at one time a member of a very prominent woman's organization where she zealously worked for abortion rights. Recently, however, she left the group, which will remain unnamed, in order to start her own organization: Late Abortions To Ensure Rights. The reason for her separation from the organization for which she once worked is her belief that they did not go far enough in securing rights for late term abortions.
With your introduction now complete, Shelly, I would like to officially thank you for coming on the show.

Shelly: Thank you for having me, Hugh. It is a real honor to be here.

Hugh: Shelly, let me begin by asking you to clarify your position regarding late term abortion rights. Are you referring to second and third trimester abortions only, or the controversial partial birth abortions also?

Shelly: Well, first of all, I never said "late-term" abortions; I said, "late" abortions. You see, I believe that the organization from which I came did a very good job promoting late term abortion rights. It is the right to abort the fetus at a much later time that my newly formed group L.A.T.E.R. is trying to legalize.

Hugh: I don't understand; Later than late term? Please explain.

Shelly: We are talking about post birth abortions.

Hugh: Post birth? As in after the baby is born?

Shelly: It sounds pretty harsh when you use the word baby, but yes. I believe that abortion should be legal even after birth.

Hugh: You must be kidding. You cannot seriously believe that a mother should have the right to kill her child after it has been born into this world.

Shelly: There you go again with your harsh, judgmental choice of words. I certainly am not kidding. I believe it is a woman's right to terminate the product of her body, even after that product is no longer permanently attached. It is still dependant on her for life, and therefore, it is still a part of her.

Hugh: You honestly believe that this termination, as you call it, would not be murdering a human life?

Shelly: Oh, I can agree that it is a life, but it is not yet a person. It really has no human rights until it becomes a human person. The mother is a human person, and therefore, her right to abort is greater than the post-birth-fetus' right to live. It is not murder, as you put it, but termination.

Hugh: And when do you think human life begins? Or more specifically, when does the post-birth-fetus become a person?

Shelly: Human life, spiritually speaking, begins at puberty. I believe that the soul does not enter a human being until they are able to procreate. That is my religious viewpoint. Legally speaking, I believe a woman should have the right to abort an unwanted fetus anytime between conception and puberty. The government should not have the right to interfere with a person's religious beliefs. Although most courts would rule against the life-begins-at-puberty concept now, I believe we can change that. The courts have never been absolute, or immutable, regarding personhood or when-life-begins. This is all about a woman's choice and her right to that choice, and no one should interfere.

Hugh: But what about the rights of the child?

Shelly: Again I remind you that only persons have rights, not tissue masses, no matter how human they may appear.

Hugh: I am very sorry for saying this, but your reasoning seems insane. How can you believe that life begins at puberty? Everyone knows that a fully born child is a person, with a soul.

Shelly: There you go. Just like all of the other closed minded people, you are trying to force your religious views on me. Maybe post birth abortion is wrong for you, but it is not wrong for me. The choice should be made privately between a woman, her doctor, and her God.

Hugh: What does her doctor have to do with it?

Shelly: Well, for one thing, the doctor can determine if the post-birth-fetus is endangering the mother's life or health.

Hugh: How can a post-birth-fetus endanger a mother's life or health since it is already out of her body?

Shelly: There is more to life and health than the mere physical elements we can see. There are mental and emotional aspects of life that severely affect a person's health. Have you ever noticed how a toddler can add stress to a woman's life? Need I tell you how many illnesses are direct results of stress? If a doctor determines that stress is threatening a woman's life or health, then the doctor should be free to recommend the removal of the cause of stress. It then becomes a private decision between the woman, her doctor, and her God. It is as simple as that. Post-birth-abortion must be legalized. People have no right to legislate their own moral and religious views.

Hugh: I follow you. But it seems so bizarre.

Shelly: Actually, it is the most practical and compassionate position one can have. Think about all of the children who are raised in unloving homes. It is a real tragedy to have so many abused and neglected children in the world. So many unwanted and unloved human beings exist in our society. This could all be eliminated if we would only bring into this world those children who would be wanted and loved.
But how can an unwed pregnant woman know for sure if she will be able to care for her child, once fully grown? Or how are couples to know if they will be able to love their offspring before it is born? No one really knows if a child will be loveable or intolerable while it is in the womb. All pro-choice advocates reject the idea that the choice to have a child can only be made before the pregnancy. Well, I equally reject the notion that the choice to have a child can only be made before birth. The only real way to assure an intelligent, informed and compassionate decision is to extend the decision making process to some time after the physical birth. Post birth abortion can almost guarantee the elimination of a society full of unwanted and unloved children.

Hugh: What about the father? Does he have rights?

Shelly: He should have input, for sure. But it was not his body that carried the fetus, so it is not his decision to make.

Hugh: I hope you are aware that most, if not all, legitimate pro-choice groups will disregard your position as being ridiculous. What will you say to them?

Shelly: I will tell them that I am using most of the same arguments to promote post-birth-abortion rights that they use to promote pre-birth abortion rights. I have just taken it a step further.

Hugh: Are you really a pro-life advocate who is just making this whole thing up to prove some point?

Shelly: No indeed! That would be ridiculous. What type of weird mind would think up an entire story such as mine in order to make a point for the opposing view?

Hugh: Uh --- I guess you’re right. No one would do that.
Well we are just about out of time. Thanks for being with us, Shelly. And a special thanks to our audience for tuning in. Even though we are not able to take live calls, our off-the-air phone lines will be open if you would like to share your opinions regarding our show. Until next time, good-bye from Issues and Views of Today.

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