I feel like I'm fading more & more each day. Like I'm slowly being erased from the feet up; and its up to my neck now. How did I not notice it starting? I guess if I was honest with myself I knew what was happening but I just ignored the burning. I just don't understand anymore, I just can't think anymore, I just can't feel anymore, I just can't breathe anymore. I am not alive. I am no more alive then the dead grass. The wind pushes it around back & forth but it has not motion of its own. I move, I see, I breathe, I hear but the thing that drove me; the purpose that infected my whole being has been lost in a sea of countless heartaches & bad coffee. I cut myself in an attempt to bring forth some sort of feeling into my eyes but its of no use. I don't even bleed anymore... when I cry its not in pain but more of a lost cry. The tears that do fall taste like sour words, they taste like the last dying ashes from an old memory. I want out of this but leaving this black hole is much harder then it looks. I've lost these chains years ago but for some reason I keep trying to put them back on; maybe being trapped & choking is the new comfort....? This is the old me.... dead but trying to make a comeback.
Peggy worded that so wonderfully. You really are in for a surprise if you've not met too many at FaithWriters. The friends I've personally made here are a bunch of faith-filled prayer warriors. If you only knew where I was when I came here, hopeless and seemingly helpless. I've come a long, long way. I give all glory to God as He alone placed me in the path of those warriors and He alone marked my path with GOOD things to come. I won't lie and say that it was a sudden thing (though it very well can be a snap of fingers). It was a long, slow process. But, praise God, I write to you today with a wholeness I never dreamed I'd know. A miracle any way you look at it. I'm a walking, talking, faith-filled warrior myself now and you, my friend, are stuck with the whole lot of us praying for you. :::smile::: Perhaps one day we'll share victorious war stories over a cup of blessed java... or better yet, the wine that is His blood shed so that we might live ABUNDANT lives. It's good to the last drop.
Dear and precious Kyle! Just know that you have members of the body here praying for you. Don't give up, I think that God has great plans for you and that is why you are being so heavily attacked. Look at these Scriptures: 1 Sam.2:6-The Lord kills and makes alive; He brings down to the grave and BRINGS UP. (7) The Lord makes poor and makes rich; He bring low and LIFTS UP. (8) He raises the poor from THE DUST and lifts the beggar from the ASH HEAP, TO SET THEM AMONG PRINCES and MAKE THEM INHERIT THE THRONE OF GLORY. You may feel that all of your dreams have turned into ashes, but that just means that He wants to set you among princes.
In His love, Sharon
Kyle, The wonderful thing about Faith Writers is that it is truly a fellowship of encouragers. That is why when I read your article today, I felt compelled to encourage you and let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. "We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us" AND we are also strengthened by His messengers here on Earth. Faith Writers is full of such angels, willing to reach out and pray for one another and be God's outstretched hands. Please know we are all here for you. I pray that God will touch your heart with peace as He leads you out of the darkness and into His Light. God bless you. Peggy