One day, I felt all hope was lost. I thought my life was pointless. No one cared about me, and I did not matter. I felt anger with God. Anger that God would allow me to go through the things I had gone through in my life.
The good, happy, wonderful things in my life seemed so far away. The pain of life, not just pain of physical sickness, but also the pain of suffering through the toils of life seemed overwhelming. God seemed so distant.
In anger I began to pray to God. "Lord, Why me? If You love me as they say You do, then why me? Why do I suffer and why am I in pain so often? If You love me so, why did You let such bad things happen to me? Please, tell me why God? Please take all this pain away Lord, I can handle it no more!" With a flash of lightning I was suddenly no longer on my knees in my bedroom.
All around me were clouds; soft, fluffy, billowy clouds reaching out into an endless horizon. The light danced off in rainbows, and in the distance, raindrops glistened like glorious glitter. The most beautiful flowers I had ever seen were dusted across the tops, and little angel children frolicked and played through the cloudy fields of flowers.
White doves flew overhead, their song easing all my anxieties away. Everything around me was working together in a mysterious and wonderful harmony. It was all in praise and worship of the Lord Almighty.
The angel children came and took me by the hand. Together, we danced and sang. All of my stress and pain left my body. I was consumed by an awesome and overwhelming sense of love. It was a love I had not let myself feel before. It was always there, knocking on my heart and waiting for me to realize this was one visitor I needed to let in.
I let go of my fears, my inhibitions, my doubt, and my self-loathing. I grasped on to HOPE, FAITH, LOVE, and the most welcoming feeling of all, ACCEPTANCE. Tears came to my eyes as I realized this place had been here all my life, I just needed to open my heart, my mind, and have faith in God.
As much excitement I felt for this new discovery, there was also a deep bittersweet awareness. This HAS been here for me all along, waiting for me to unlock and receive.
Confusion passed over me as I realized that I did not understand from where my sudden realizations had come. Why, now, was God's love for me so clear? Then, I slowly began to realize that the thoughts in my head that had revealed this place and God's love had not been from my own inner voice, but yet another voice.
The voice was soothing and instilled instant comfort. As I realized this voice was not my own, I saw a man walking toward me. I don't know how I knew He was God, but somehow I did. I realized He was speaking to me, beckoning me to come closer. I ran to Him and He welcomed me into His loving arms.
It was the best hug I had ever felt. In relief of all the pain and sadness of my life, I wept in His strong, comforting arms. He held me as I sobbed, rubbing my back and whispering soothingly to me, offering words of encouragement and love. Finally, after I cried out all the pain I had held inside for years, I was calm.
God began to speak. "My child, you are like so many of My children. You have allowed the trials and tribulations of life to block My love from you. This is the work of Satan. He takes my pruning and distorts it, confuses it, and uses it to his advantage. I tell you the truth. I never promised your life would be easy. The path to heaven is twisted and only by faith can you complete your journey."
God placed His finger under my chin and directed my gaze into His glorious eyes. "Remember when you went to church, back to the years when you spent time reading and studying the bible. Do you remember Joseph, Jacob's son?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Joseph felt fear when he was sold by his brothers into slavery, but it was through this act that his family and all of Egypt was saved from famine. It did not seem fair at the time, but through this change in Joseph's life, many people were saved.
There will be things in your life that will happen that you will not understand. Things that will be hurtful and unpleasant, but you must always remember that I have a plan. If you have faith, you can overcome all things.
You are like a grapevine, my sweet child. Left unattended a grapevine will flourish with large, beautiful leaves. From a distance one would admire the beauty of the grapevine, and anticipate a wealth of fruit to enjoy. But when one looks closer, one would notice that there are no grapes, for the wealth of beautiful woody vines full of big luscious leaves has prevented light to come in and nourish growth of grapes.
Without a vine keeper to come and prune the grape vines, no grapes can be harvested. I am the Vine Keeper, and though you may not understand my pruning at times, you must always remember that through pruning the harvest is reaped. Have faith in Me, my child, and remember that your true harvest will come to you when you join Me in heaven."
With a flash of lightning I was again in my bedroom. In repentance I fell to my knees and began to pray again:
"Dear Lord, Forgive me for doubting Your love. Forgive me for hating You for Your pruning. Let me always remember the love I felt with You today, and continue to prune me so that I can bring others into the light of Your love. In Jesus' precious name I pray. Amen."