Writing in the moment of a depressed episode
It is here upon me. I know not if I write with sense, but write I must.
It is dark, and I have descended into a black hole.
No light around me, I rest my head down upon my hands even here at the computer, rising again, I type
Defying, for how long I know not
Its beating down upon my flesh, compelling me to turn on self,
To ball body into a tight ball, or lie on back stretched out,
But most recently I just lie and hold the Bible until it passes
Waiting and waiting for I donít know what, for relief,
No, for I donít expect it, I raise my hope not
I think at these times I wait, I have learned to surrender, not to
Battle it, to let it be, to let it reign and run havoc in my brain
The nausea so profound, that I am forced to squeeze my eyes
Tight and tight, what is the connection between the shaking of my head
Side to side and the squeezing of my eyes tight with the nausea, I donít know
Maybe I believe that I can squeeze the madness out, suffocate it out through
My shut eyes, and shake it away from my face as it exits my head
My stomach aches, I drink Sleepy Time tea, why do I crave Sleepy Time tea?
Am I seeking solace, calming, sleep or is this my silent rebellion,
Telling madness that though it reigns I shall drown it in the warmth of succor
Sipping and letting it flow down my throat
Throat opens and welcomes warm liquid, it does not resist
It seeks to help me yet not feeling sorry for me
Pity it does not lend, for it too must endure with me,
Knowing how it too is afflicted with the parched and
Constricted pathway of air, yet it opens up for
The flow of the tea, for we share the burden of the insanity
Conspiring without conspiracy to endure the affliction on us
I shall take my leave now, I canít continue to write,
It battles me now to stillness, seeking only to sit quiet
It robs me even of my ability to express all that it is
This the plan of it you see for were I permitted to
Disclose the fullness of itís personality
The battle mine, and itís potency diminished, power limited
But that time not mine yet
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Been in that hole, don't wish it on a dog let alone a human being. Daniel 3:26-29 ....."for there's no God that can deliver like this." The Lord has shown me that He is with us no matter what hole we are in even when we don't feel him or think that He is there. "when the enemy comes at me like a flood the spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard up against him."(Isaish 59:19) Father, in the mighty name of Jesus our savior, I pray against the spirit of depression that comes against your daughter, and give her soundness of mind and the peace that surpases all understanding. amen
Heavenly Father, please health Theresa's mind. Bring peace. Bring joy. Bring health. Bring soundness. Father, I break the power of the enemy to enter this mind. I ask that you fill her mind with good things and blessings. In Jesus' Name.
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