A Warrior Risks Loving
by Bernice McDonald
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"I did such a stupid, stupid thing! I let my heart take me somewhere that ended up leaving me wide open to be hurt again...", she squeezed her hands into hard fists and beat herself on her forehead. "Why, why, why would I do that?"
Her Lord reached out beside Him to where she sat and placed His arm around her shoulders, rubbing her back in comfort. "Beloved, I would have done much the same."
She stopped pummeling herself long enough to look at Him in surprise. "I doubt it. You always know what's right and I can't see you falling for the bait."
Leaving His hand to rest upon her, He looked off into the distance as He thought. "I'm not so sure this was a case of right or wrong. It was more you not allowing your head to dictate to your heart. Sweet One, I have a mind and I use it intelligently, but, I don't live there. I live from my heart where my love is centered and from where all that I think or do is based. I wanted you to know that when I wrote, "God is love'. I am not mind or logic. I AM love so I act always out of love without thought of hurt to myself."
He smiled as He took her hand in His precious own. "What drew you to this person and what they needed in the first place?"
She thought for a moment. "There was something I sensed. Deep inside of them I recognized a yearning, a crying for help but also a strength that I wanted to draw out of them. They needed me and acted as if they needed what I had to give them."
"Did they in the end?"
"Yes, they did need me but not in the way I wanted them to. They hurt me."
"What was it you brought to them?"
The pain throbbed in her voice as she spoke. "I was a friend. I spoke of the wonder of who they were, of how You had given them a purpose to live. I gave them a big part of myself - my companionship and some of my secrets. And then they turned on me leaving me feeling totally rejected."
He let the silence that followed stretch out for several moments. "And now?" He quietly asked.
"Now I don't want to give anymore to them for fear of the same. I feel so silly for being vulnerable. I just want to draw back everything because they will take it and trample on me as I have felt so many times!"
Slowly He lifted the hand He held up to His lips and kissed it. When she turned her eyes to His, all of her fear revealed in her gaze, she found His compassion for her reaching back.
His words held a depth and truth that rang into her deepest soul, soothing and strong yet harsh with reality. "You gave yourself, the essence of who you are to that person. I saw it. I was with you. You cared for them because you saw their pain and hurt for them. It amazes me to see that My love in you has taken such firm root! Yes, the outcome was different than you expected but, like Me and what I do, you began a healing that you can't see just yet. But it is there! And it is exciting! You made them think from a different perspective. You gave them hope even if they have not quite invested themselves in it yet.
"And your place in their life, My precious Rescuer? That is only secondary. Let Me care for you there. Leave it to Me. I hear your heart and I know your desires, your needs and your soft places. Let me also be strength to you for all of this - I promise you that I can give you 1000 times more than what they can!
Do you believe Me?"
Tears filled her eyes as she struggled to grasp what He was saying. Even so, she eagerly responded, "Yes, I believe You, Lord!" She paused for a moment as she leaned against Him. "What do I do now?"
"Believe in that person and what I want to do for them. Set yourself aside for I hold you safely. My work through you is not done yet."
Sighing, she realized what it was that He asked of her. Love without expectations. Giving, even though her heart may be in danger of being bruised. Sincere interest and insight beyond the reactions she received, her eyes on what that person could become instead of what that person was right now.
"Yes, it's hard," He agreed. "its Warrior work and it takes a Warrior to see it through. But do you know what?"
She looked at Him curiously.
"I love the way it lights you up. You are one of the most beautiful Warriors in my army!"
Indescribable warmth ran through her at His words, setting off again a deep, passionate desire to serve Him, to be anything and everything He asked her to be. Her smile was more certain now as she gently said, "Thank You, my Prince. Thank You for the privilege of doing this for You."
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Very articulate... and spoken from a heart in love with Christ. Good job!