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ANGEL ELITE CORPS Norman's Transer Scene 1
by David Ian
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Author requests article critique


ANGEL ELITE CORPS ~ Norman's Transfer Scene I


Cast of Characters

NORMAN (Support & Logistics; new transfer)

CAP: or Centurion(Captain of Elite Corps)

Scene I: Elite Corps Barracks, Captainís Quarters

(SFX: Knock on door)

Cap: Come in.

(SFX: Door opening up, footsteps approach)

Cap: Youíre our new guy?

Norm: Angel First Rate Norman reporting for duty, SIR!!!

Cap: Congratulations on reaching Fist Rate, Norman. Welcome to the Elite Corps, son.

Norm: Thank you, SIR!!!

Cap: Yeah, weíll do something about that shouting habit you have in a bit. Iím your captain; you can call me Cap if you wish. Everyone has a handle around here; a handle has to be earned. Youíll learn more about that later on. My handle is Centurion, though that can be a bit cumbersome at times; I answer to Centry as well.

Norm: Yes SIR!!!!

Cap: --And I suppose ďSirĒ works as well for now. No one else will answer to that around here, I assure you. You have your transfer orders?

Norm: Right here, SIR!!!!!

Cap: (pause) Your previous commander was Logos?

Norm: Yes Sir.

Cap: I didnít know he had a combat detail under him.

Norm: He doesnít, Sir.

Cap: (Long pause) You want to explain yourself then, son?

Norm: Iím S & L, I was assigned to your outfit specifically toó

Cap: Support and Logistics? For the Elite Corps? Is this some kind of joke?

Norm: Most assuredly not sir. Iím First Rated in Assessment and Deployment, Communications--

Cap: Iíve no doubt of your qualifications, but youíre not even rated for combat, son.

Norm: With all due respect, sir, Iíve been through some pretty sticky situations, and Iíve come out just fine.

Cap: Son, our kind of ďsticky situationsĒ would eat you alive! Literally. Iím talking standing back to back surrounded by Light hating Darkies trying to chew you down to the bone. Iíve already lost one soldier on my watch recently and Iím not about to stand by and have some Chatter Jockey get ripped to shreds because Logos wants the prestige of having someone under his charge transferred to Elite Corps!

Norm: All I know are my orders, sir.

Cap: Well donít get comfortable with your ďSirsĒ, Iím going to personally see your transfer revoked before this day is through.

(SFX: Capís boots receding quickly, door slam)
End Scene I

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Member Comments
Member Date
David Ian 09 Jan 2006
Thanks for thinking "Big Picture" Yeggy. The basic graphic novel issue will have different missions narrated by Norman... However, it's necessary to have these scenes for Background; Also note that the scripting is also in the form for radio audio theatre with SFX written in. These scenes can be used for radio drama as well as graphic novel. Thanks again for dropping a note! -- DI
Val Clark 09 Jan 2006
Hiya Dave, good to be reading your stuff again. I really enjoyed reading all four, lots of questions raised that stimulate my interest and the characters are very engrossing, I like them and want to know what happens to them. My only concern is, if you considered doing this for a graphic novel, and thus I assume a young adult audience, each frame needs action and thus far you have very little action. It's like a big info drop. Can you get straight to the story and as the battle unfolds the characters meet and their story is told and their relationships develop? Yeggy
Brad Paulson 07 Jan 2006
I suppose I agree that Preach's dialog might be a bit much in terms of simply reading the script, but as I imagine an actor behind a micropone bringing him to life, I think it would work. I read all four parts, I was going to stop and give a comment on each one, but I was in a hurry to find out what was going to happen next. I hope you pursue this, I'd like to see more.
darlene hight 06 Jan 2006
Hmmm...I read Deb's comments and I had sort of the opposite feeling in the beginning of the scene.It seemed like at first Preach jumped out of character and then he tried to jump back in later which sort of set me on the outside of the action. Not sure how to fix it but definitely the problem with the scene has to do with Preach. I love the way the story is developing though. It is very suspensful and has the reader wanting to turn the page. I also love the way the characters transfer easily into the body fitting together.
Deborah Bauers 20 Dec 2005
I really like the concept you having going here, David. I don't recall having seen much written and staged using angels as main characters. I do have one suggestion. When I got to the last scene and started reading "Preacher's" dialogue, I became preoccupied with his use of "ye" and "verily" and it took the focus off of the story. Somehow, Preacher's character seemed to be overdone instead of believable. You might think that through a bit. I would enjoy reading this when it is finished. The whole concept of a story on warfare that engages the development of angelic personalities is intriguing. Best of luck with this endeavor!


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