(or what I really wanted to call it, but it won't let me type it in is "Leggo My ... Anger? A Skit About Patience")
TrueBeard: Ah Hoy, me Mateys! It’s been a bit of a spell since last we’ve spoken, eh? Did ya be enjoyin’ yer movie and popcorn last week?
Okay, okay, ye can be settlin’ down now a bit! I see ye’ve gotten a wee bit rowdy in me absence, eh? Well, quite a bit ‘as happened on me and Perry’s end too, ya know. Remember ole’ Evil Pirate Johnny Rottenseed? Well, wouldn’t ya know it, but ole Perry shared Jesus with the chum and now he be havin’ Jesus in ‘is heart as well! Isn’t that cheery news, mates? Now ole Perry and Johnny have become quite the pals. Even now as we be speakin’ the two friends be playin’ on Perry’s, what do ye call it? Playstation?
Perry: (shouting) See if I be lettin’ ya back on me ship ever again, Evil Johnny HOGGINseed! By me word if’n ya ain’t takin’ the longest turn ever recorded in pirate history!
(voice of Johnny: Well if’n ye ain’t the most impatient pirate I ever ‘ave the misfortune o’ knowin ‘o BABY Perry PiRat! (in a high voice)Where’s yer Mummy ta be changin’ yer wee diaper?)
Perry: (pops head up into the window) Oh, ah, hello there, TrueBeard. Did ya be hearin’ all that just now? Did ya hear him repressin’ me?
TrueBeard: I did, me Mate. I seemed to be hearin’ some not so nice words comin’ out o’ yer mouth as well, me friend. Sounds to me like we be needin’ to return to our discussions ‘bout the Fruit o’ the Spirit!
Perry: Ah, fruit schmoot! All’s I got a taste fer at the moment is a good sword fight with Johnny at me blade! Blimey if’n he ain’t got me seeing red at the moment, I be soo mad at ‘im!
TrueBeard: Whoa, cool down, me mate! Did ye know there’s a part of the Fruit that addresses yer dilemma o’ the moment?
Perry: Argh, I was afraid o’ that. What be the part o’ the Spirit I be needin’ right now? (in a sarcastic tone) I don’t recall there being an UNANGRY fruit, eh?
TrueBeard: Of course not, Perry. But there be the fruit of patience, and patience can help us lose our anger. Did ye know that James 1:19 says: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”?
Perry: I didn’t be knowin’ that.
TrueBeard: Did ye also know it be sayin’ that “A gentle response diffuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles the fire.” No wonder ye be seeing red, me friend, what with all the hot words you two be throwing around.
Perry: I guess ye be right. As much as I hate to be admittin’ it, I see the need ta be hearing o’ this patience ye be mentionin’. Speak away, me pal.
TrueBeard: Well, afore I do that, tell me this. Are ye and Johnny now friends?
Perry: Like two peas in a pod … well, most days.
TrueBeard: Right, and do ye think it’d be safe ta say we love our friends?
Perry: (squirming) Well, if’n I had to put it that way, I guess ye’d be right. But I’m not sayin’ it! Ye ain’t hearin’ that from me pirate lips!
TrueBeard: But ye do, right mate?
Perry: Oh, all right. I love me Pal Johnny.
TrueBeard: Very well, chum. Then this verse should be makin’ some sense to ya. The first part of I Corinthians 13:4 says that, “Love is patient, love is kind.” If’n ye love yer friend, ye can use that love ta help ya be patient with him.
Perry: Now, just wait a minute, ere, TrueBeard. I’ve already admitted ta lovin’ me Pal, but how in Davey Jones can I be usin’ that to be patient when he be hoggin’ me turn and making me sit and watch while he be havin’ all the fun.
TrueBeard: The second part of 1 Cor 13:5 may help. It says that love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. In other words, true love doesn’t give in to quick anger or irritability … and that, me friend, is patience.
Perry: Oh, all right. I may be catchin’ a hold o’ this a wee bit. What I’m hearin’ is that patience is not being easy to make angry, but being calm, gentle, not hasty or quick to fly off the handle, if’n ya know what I mean.
TrueBeard: Right oh, pal! Would ya like ta hear a story about the dangers o’ not being patient?
Perry: Do I really have a choice?
TrueBeard: As a matter o fact, no, ya don’t. So’s heres it tis. In Matt 18 Jesus tells of a master who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began to settle ‘em, a servant who owed him ten million buckaroos was brought to him. Alas, the poor bloke couldn’t pay back such a huge debt, so the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to pay back the debt.
Perry: Oh dear, that is a disturbin’ story, but what does it have to do with patience?
TrueBeard: Ah, me lad. You didn’t let me finish the story. The poor servant fell on his knees before the master and begged, “'Be patient with me, and I will pay back everything.”
Perry: What did the master say?
TrueBeard: Well, he took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
Perry: That’s great! I bet that servant was very grateful!
TrueBeard: You would think, but when that servant went out, he found one of HIS fellow servants who owed him about 2,000 buckaroos. He grabbed him by the throat and began to choke him, saying, “Pay back what you owe me!”
Perry: How terrible!
TrueBeard: The poor fellow servant fell to his knees and begged, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.”
Perry: Why, those were the very same words the first servant had used with the master!
TrueBeard: Right O! But this servant refused to show mercy. Instead, he went off and had the fellow servant thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
Perry: That’s not right! How could he do that? He didn’t get away with it, did he?
TrueBeard: No siree. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were very upset and went and told their master everything that had happened. The master called the first servant in and said, “You wicked servant, I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” Then his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
Perry: Aye, now I get it. If I don’t have mercy on me friends and be patient with them, I will be trapped in a jail of me own anger.
TrueBeard: Wise you are, Perry. And just how do ye be feelin’ when ye be angry?
Perry: When I be angry I be wantin’ ta punch somethin’. I also be feelin’ a bit lonesome, like no one cares about me or me feelins.
TrueBeard: And do ye be enjoyin’ feelin’ that way?
Perry: Blimey, but ye know I don’t. No one likes to be feelin’ that way. But just HOW do I be goin’ about feelin’ different?
TrueBeard: I always think it’s a good idear to remember God’s patience with us and then imagine how God feels about the person we be feelin’ impatient with. It says in John 3:16 that “God so LOVED the WORLD that he sent his only begotten son.” I carn’t be thinkin’ of anyone he’d not be lovin’ accordin’ to that. The world holds a whole lot o people.
Perry: Aye, and I also be learnin’ that I can be prayin’ any ole time I be wantin’, especially when I be needin’ a wee bit ‘o help from the Holy Spirit. I’m rememberin’ more and more that if’n Jesus be in me heart, than so’s be the Spirit and all o’ his fruit.
Hey, I be thinkin’ I feel a song comin’ on! We just might be wantin’ ta sing our fruit song again. I could use the refreshin’ in me brain. Which fruit should we be using in our song tonight, clubbers?