Have you ever seen a full-grown woman throw a temper tantrum? If you have, don’t you think it’s the most shameful thing you’ve ever seen?
So do I.
It’s the only way I know, however, to get my point across to people at times. Even then, it seems fruitless.
I don’t know what it is about me, but when I get angry, people find me amusing. I don’t understand this concept. It takes a lot of energy to get me to a full, rolling boil. To see others cackle when I’m so upset only makes things worse, especially when, it involves my husband.
He and I recently had an argument about something trivial. It was so trivial in fact; I no longer remember why we argued. I do remember I was out to make a point. I was not going to be steamrolled.
“I’m serious, honey,” I said. “I’m really mad.” I looked over at my husband as he sat across the counter from me in the kitchen…laughing.
“Oh, Deb.” He chuckled some more.
I was furious. I wanted to pick up the toaster and throw it at him. I wanted to take the spray hose from the sink, turn the water on full blast, and squirt him. Instead, I whirled around with my hands on my hips, cleared my throat, and spoke sternly.
“I mean it, ” I said. “I’m not playing around, here.” I gazed at him with my eyes narrowed. Before I could say another word, he laughed…again. I tried to stay mad but ended up laughing with him. I was still frustrated, though.
I asked a friend recently (who also laughs at me when I’m angry), why this happens. Without hesitation, she responded, “It’s because people know you’re not really like that, Deb, so you come off funny.”
I was dumbfounded. People know I’m not really like that? She has to be kidding.
“Doesn’t anyone take me seriously?” I said. “Never mind,” I added. “I’ll talk to you later.”
I decided to take the matter up with the Lord.
Early one morning, as I prayed and meditated on God’s word, the following question pierced my mind: Why don’t you let others see you...the way you let Me see you?
I didn’t understand what this had to do with people laughing at me when I was angry. Besides, I couldn’t let others see me the way God did. They would trample me under foot and hurt me, is what I told God. I sat in silence for a while. Soon after, a Scripture came to mind.
“But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price,”
(1 Peter 3:4 KJV).
God then showed me I was hurt already. I was hurt because folks laughed at me. I was hurt because I thought no one took me seriously. I was hurt, period. He further showed me the reason I hurt was due to the meekness He placed within me. It was clashing against the tantrums I was having, causing me great pain.
I began to weep. I couldn’t believe God saw something in me as gracious as meekness. I also realized a person laughing at my anger was not at the core of my problem. Fear was. This is what God meant when He asked me to show myself to others. He wanted me to show the same meekness I displayed in love before Him, not the mask of anger I had become accustomed to wearing.
Has this ever happened in your life? If you’re experiencing anything similar, please stop and ask for God’s help. It just might be that you have meekness tucked away in your heart.
Oh, you might not think you do, but God sees something different, my friend. Let Him show you what’s really inside. Don’t be afraid. He’ll show you where His meekness is. Remember, a meek and quiet spirit is of great price in the sight of God. You’ll find something else, too. You are of great price.
God, help us to see ourselves the way You see us. Help us not to fear what You’ve called us to be. Help us all to be strong in the meekness and quietness of Your strength. In Jesus’ Name…Amen.
I could write you a letter on thoughts this article stirred up in me! I will try to keep this short..(1) Many years ago after a "trivial argument" with my husband, the Lord inspired a beautiful poem that He later used to minister to a dear friend in the hospital with a broken back! Funny how I've never been able to remember what the "fight" was about! (2) Anger as a mask...I've never seen anger that way, but, really it is!(3)The Lord's words to you, "Why don't you allow others to see you the way I see you" is a profound question. For whatever it is worth, I consider you a writer with a true gift from God to reach deep inside the heart. Blessings to you, my friend.
Thank you hon for sharing all of the wonderful messages and stories the Lord gives to you. I have sat here in the quiet of the night taking some time to pray and read some of FW's entries and began reading several of your submissions. I really find truth and inspiration and can relate in some way. I really needed this one as I have been dealing with this issue for quite some time. Thank you for your gentle voice spoken through the most gentle Voice who knows our very hearts and thoughts. Praise God! Keep on being used by our Father hon. God bless you!
Awesome Deborah! I've missed your writing. I love stories like this. It is interesting that sometimes others see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Your friends and family saw your meekness, even though you couldn't...and in spite of your attempts to mask it. Well done!