I want to tell that there is a race heavenward, and that it is an individual race to win. Which is one of the purposes that we all exist on earth...
As a Christian, I was obligued to run to this race though I tried to give up many times. For this race is not for the swift to win but to those who have faith...
Yes, I am forever faithful while running the race but the evil that lives within me always hooked me up to stare at my back and to stare at the things around to deceive me and make my down fall. Upon gazing on the things that would distract me, I did not intend to stop for a while... and there, the evil leads me to do evil and lost my focus on things above.
He sneered, '...go and think evil to others and go pity yourself'
And I did pitied myself because my past is full of bitterness and rage. Pitying made me blind that I go nowhere to the race that i forgot to win. There, my mind is being played with bitter memories of my younger years and the hopeless parts too. This blazed me with too much hate and anger.
But while thinking about it, and simultaneously thinking whether to end up my life or just left the house of pain that I am living in... something crawled up my mind. 'Is this my desire? Is this how I have to live my life now that God is within me?'
Right away I confessed and I prayed for help. Though the evil tried to pull me back, I tried to resist while waiting for the help. The bad memories left my me and the bitterness and raged that I felt slowly left me too.
As days goes by, I tried to recover. Now I learned that ending up my life is not the answer to end the bitterness within me or running away home does not make sense too. Am I that fool? Why I did not told myself 'Hey,problem I have a big God!'before? Why do I have to suffer sorrow over and over again?
I am forever thankful that He was there for me. He heard me and He relieved my pain. I am in depth gratitude of knowing that God exists!
He showed me something that I haven't seen nor did understood before... that bigger or smaller problem always comes just to proved on how far would my faith go and grow, how firm is my hope and trust on Him and how long do I have to call Him in times of need.
He also wanted to show me how deep is His love for me. How faithful and true is He, that He won't desert me.
Through this trial, I learned that trials must not seperate me from God. That I must be wiser not to beguile by evil things again and that even if the evil thing tried to live within me again, I must resist it for I am now a child of God. And that I must not let things that surrounded me affect me in personal and in spiritual. I did not yet survived this long run but I know that I will on my older days, for now I have to forget what is past by looking to what is beyond. I have to enjoy my youthful years with the Lord.