Healed From A Lie
by Doreen Hammond
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique
I’d often thought I’d like to watch a spider spin her web from start to finish; now I had little choice. Trapped in the corner of the musty, old barn with my leg broken awkwardly behind me, I laid in quiet pain, waiting. The silver spider did little to distract me against the impending doom that I knew awaited me in the morning if help didn’t arrive soon. As she created her silky web, my mind began to wonder how I got myself into this horrible situation. How in heaven’s name did I end up as a prisoner in my own barn? From the very beginning of her creation, I watched and I thought of my own beginning and how my life had so dramatically changed.
All I wanted to do this morning when I woke up was to find the documentation that I had hidden several weeks prior. The strongbox that I buried in the corner looked like it had been disturbed. Instead of grabbing the box like I planned, I frantically, I ran back to the house to get the key. I searched the drawer for the key, but it was not where I left it. My mind wouldn’t think straight. Fear gripped me. My stomach was turning inside out. What happened to that key? I asked myself. If Jason found it, I’m a dead woman, and I knew it. I ran to my purse and checked the pockets and the bottom where all of the change drops…still I found no key. I felt sick. Running away was all I could think about, but where could I go where Jason wouldn’t find me? I had to think. First, whether I went anywhere or not, I had to get that box opened and get those papers out. If I wasn’t so worried about making sure that Jason hasn’t tampered with the box and stolen my papers, I would just take the box, but I had to make sure that Jason didn’t have those papers. That box had to come open.
Bolt cutter, hammer and chisel, pliers, where would I find the tools to pry open that strongbox? I asked myself. Jason was the only one allowed in the garage. He had the security code changed so I didn’t know it. I ran to the basement to see if there was anything that I could use down there. Everything looked so peaceful and in order. Who would have ever guessed the torture that had gone on in the past? No one would have ever suspected that we as a loving couple would have ever ended up in this kind of situation. Maybe, it’s not all that uncommon? Possibly other women too, cover their husband’s sin by being quiet and submissive. That is why I had to get away, why I was so determined to get away. Jason has to be stopped. I’m not the only woman in his little shop of horrors. There are others, and I have proof. In order to get help to anyone, I have to get to the proof and I have to stay alive long enough to show someone.
As the tiny spider looked to be about half way finished with her web, I wondered to myself, how could it be possible that such a flimsy little fragile spider’s web be so strong and supportive? In the same thought, I began to see my walk with Christ and how Jason consistently called it weak and fragile, but how solid by comparison it really is. Knowing that when everything that was going on around here, all of the abuse, the things Jason said and did; the threats and the other women, I knew I could turn to God for help and direction. He was my strength in my times of trouble and it was Him that gave me guidance and direction. Because of Him I have come to the point of being able to leave Jason. God’s word says, “He will make a way where there seems to be no way.” That is what I’ve believed since I heard it and it has to be true today.
I unlocked the heavy closet where Jason keeps his “toys” to see if there was anything I could use to pry open the box. I found among other things, a pair of hand cuffs, a knife and a hammer. I shuddered at the last memory I had of Jason and his sick pleasures. I began to tremble. I closed and locked the closet door and tucked the items under my arm and took them back with me to the barn. My heart was pounding so loud against my chest it was almost deafening as I ran up the stairs. All of a sudden, the phone rang. I stopped dead in my tracks. I glanced over at the caller ID. The phone rang again. It was Jason. He was calling from his cell; I had to answer it to find out where he was. I put down the stuff on the kitchen counter and reached for the receiver. It stopped ringing. I called him back right away. My heart was pounding harder and louder then ever before in my life. “You rang?” I said as casually as possible.
“Yeah, why didn’t you answer the phone?” Jason demanded.
“Oh, I was just coming out of the bathroom” I stuttered, as I often did around Jason. “Where are you? When are you coming home?”
“Why, so you can get your boyfriends out of the house? Don’t worry about when I come home! You’ll see me soon enough and there had better not be anything funny going on around there either!” Jason said, as he hung up the phone.
Oh, God, why did I call him back? He makes me so nervous! I have to get that box opened and get out of here! Pastor Daniels will be wondering where I am if I don’t get there soon. I told him I’d be there today. No more excuses. He really is a nice Pastor and he really is going to get me to a safe place. Once I get this box opened up! I thought to myself. I grabbed my black leather jacket and the stuff off of the counter and went out to the barn. It was a beautiful sunny November day. The maple trees were in full fall color; some of the leaves had fallen to the ground as they crunched under my feet on the way to the barn. It was a cool crisp day.
Passing the stalls where the horses used to stay, I remembered the good times when I would pass my day brushing and grooming the pair of palominos. I loved the sweet smell of hay and oats that filled the barn. Now the place seemed like an empty ghost town, smelly and musty. Jason got rid of the horses several months ago one day when I came home from shopping; all but their gear was left hanging on the wall. Their saddles and harnesses and bridles were all that remained. I felt sad when I saw them, because I missed the horses dearly. I needed to keep my head on straight. For now, all I wanted was to hurry up and get out of there. Anymore, the place gave me the creeps. The memories of the horses were the only good memories I had of the place; the rest were sadistic and cruel.
I went to the corner where I buried the strongbox. The next thing I remember, I went flying, my supplies scattered everywhere and I lay sprawled out in quite an awkward position. Reaching out to steady myself, I pass out from the blinding pain in my leg and back. I have no idea how long I was out, but the sun is now setting. Knowing that I am within inches of the knife and the hammer, I reach for the hammer, hoping it will help pull me to the strongbox. Again, I pass out from the pain, but utter will wakes me and keeps pressing me forward. The claw of the hammer grabs the dirt with a solid hold. As I pull my weight, my leg feels like it is ripping out of the socket. Sheer white pain crosses my eyes, blinding me.
I begin to cry out of desperation, “Please God, help me, send me an Angel, I can’t do this alone. If Jason finds me, he’ll kill me for sure. You know it and so do I.” I got closer to the strongbox and began to beat it and pry it until I got it opened. Inside the box was everything I had expected, however, there was a little something added. All of the documents, tapes and photos were in perfect order, but there was also one piece that I had forgotten that I had placed inside the box; one colt-45 and a box of ammunition. I knew there would be trouble; I just didn’t know that it would end like this.
That’s ok, if trouble is what he wants, I’m ready for it; I’m not going to live any longer the way it’s been. Either he goes or I go. One way or the other, peacefully or otherwise, I’m out of here. Waiting isn’t my strong suit, but I have no where else to go. So, here I am staring at this spider’s web seeing her finish her little life’s business, wondering how I am going to do the same. Leaning back against the wall, I waited and I listened and I prayed. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep to awake to the crunch of footsteps. I held my breath in panic. Who was that? Was it Jason? Who else could it be? Could it be my knight in shining armor? I was becoming delusional. I gripped the gun and blacked out.
When I came to, I was in the most peaceful place I could have ever dreamed of. Am I dreaming? Where am I? I feel clean and safe. Where is everyone? Am I dead? Is this Heaven? I decided that I was way too comfortable in comparison of desperation to the barn to worry about it. I shifted between the clean, crisp sheets and nestled down into the feather-like bed. I was exhausted drifted back off to sleep.
Upon awakening, I saw an angel standing over me with her wings spread like a canopy. Her colors of yellow, orange, red, purple, blue and green were all colors of the rainbow, gently blending into the next. She looked magnificent. I felt safe and secure. As I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I stretched and I asked her, “Where am I?” I wondered if she would answer me, yet hoping that she would.
“You are in a safe place. You are safe from harm. I am here to protect you.”
“What is your name?” I asked feeling relieved that she spoke.
“My name is Chenille.” The angel said softly. “The Father has sent me to help you.”
When she spoke of the Father, I became afraid that I had died. I had much unfinished business to attend to and I wasn’t ready to die. Those papers needed to get turned in and I wanted to help get those other girls free. I wanted to help those other women. And I wanted to be with God, but I didn’t realize that it could end this quickly. I wasn’t prepared. As I began to cry, Chenille, with tears in her own eyes, reached her hand over and began to catch my tears. With her other hand, she gently stroked my hair like a nurturing mother would a child that had woke up from a bad dream. Her wings provided a protective covering. It surprised me and I stopped crying and I asked her, “What are you doing?”
“The Father keeps every tear that falls. I will give them to Him.”
My heart felt a bit lighter, somehow less hurt. Knowing that the Father has sent an angel to give me special attention and that He actually captures my tears touched my heart.
“Am I dead?” I asked, not sure that I wanted an answer but knowing that I needed to deal with it.
Chenille answered, “No. You are to go through the healing process. The Father has a special assignment for you to complete back in the earthly realm. But first, you must gain strength in order to go through the process. Once you have finished here, you will be returned to your mission on earth. Please, do not worry about anything. Be at peace and sleep some more.” Chenille took her hand and touched my heart. I felt a warm sensation begin to penetrate throughout my entire body and I fell off to sleep.
When I woke up I saw that Chenille was still standing over me. As I looked at my surroundings I realized I was in a garden. In the distance I watched the waters of a massive waterfall crash upon the rocks below, their spray covering the lush tropical plants on either side of the falls. “The source of that Fall is the River of Life,” Chenille told me. “Every pond, lake and stream throughout the garden is filled with its waters.” It was hard for me to conceive that the gentle, flowing water in the stream beside me was once part of those mighty waters I saw a waterfall trickle down into a pool of water, which fed into a little babbling brook. Flowers, in hues of pink, yellow, crimson, and lavender, spread across it like a lush carpet. Bright yellow canaries filled the garden with their songs of praise. The sight of hundreds of fruit trees with ripened apples, plums, pears, oranges and lemons, and huge stalks of bananas made by stomach growl! Did Chenille hear that? I thought. I turned towards her but it didn't seem that she had. Then I asked her, "Could I have a piece of fruit? I sure am hungry.”
“Fruit is nutrition for you; yes you may eat as much fruit as you like whenever you like. This fruit will help build your strength and renew your spirit.” She said, as she reached for my hand to help me out of the bed. When she touched me, I felt a surge of energy shoot throughout my body. The floating bed disappeared as my feet touched the grass covered ground; I took my first step. I looked at Chenille in question, and she responded. “You won’t need that bed again. From now on, you will get your rest from the Lord.”
“Chenille, if I’m not dead, then what am I?” I asked as I bit the tip of a banana, reaching up in the tree for a pear. “I mean, I’ve read stories in the Bible about Angelic visitations and other Christian books and stories, but I never thought that it could actually happen to me! There is so much that I don’t understand and this place, wherever it is, is wonderful, and I think I would be perfectly content to just stay here and never go back. But then I remember what happened and that I was on a mission from God and I know in my heart that the mission is not over yet.” I sat down by the brook, under the pear tree, and dipped my feet in the water. “The last thing I remember is seeing Pastor Daniel’s coming to my rescue inside the barn. When he picked me up, I was in such pain from my leg that I kept blacking out. I barely remember him being there at all. He must be worried about me.” I rambled on and on as if I needed to remember ever detail as to what had brought me to this place.
With her Godly Wisdom, Chenille, reached her hands down and began to capture my tears again, with her wings securely surrounding me. I felt incredibly safe and loved and at peace whenever she did that. It was like an amazing angelic hug. I looked up at her and she looked at me with the most compassionate loving look. I knew, somehow that if she could have stood in my place, that she would have, yet somehow, I knew that she was there with me, as I experienced the pain. Chenille was there with me. Chenille was my guardian angel! I realized. “Chenille! You were with me all the time weren’t you?” I asked my devoted angel, knowing full well what the answer would be.
“Yes. The Father sent me to you since the day you were born. I have tried to guide and direct you. When you finally came to the true knowledge and saving Grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, you were a lot easier to teach. You began to see that God had a great vision for you and had better things for your life than what you were use to. That is when you began to see that you had to get away from Jason. God never intended for you to be in a marriage that was abusive. He knew that you were “able” to endure pain and pressure because of your lifestyle, just like He endured the pain and pressure because of the prize, but it was not His call for you. You are His daughter, His prize possession and He paid a great price for you. He could not stand to see you go through the torment that you went through, but through false teaching, you had determined in your mind that you could not leave your husband and must somehow put up with it. It wasn’t until you began to get the right counsel from Pastor Daniels that Father began to open your eyes to the Truth. Some of your methods were still quite worldly, but you were getting the point that you had to get away and that Jason really had to be stopped. God has a plan for Jason too, but that is not for you to worry about.”
I sat astounded, knowing that Chenille would only tell me the truth, but not knowing how to really handle all of the truth that she just gave me. Chenille reached for my hand, “Come with me, and let’s walk.” I gladly took her hand and let her help me up off of the ground. As she touched me, again, more energy surged into my body, somehow cleansing my heart and soul. We walked along the brook and enjoyed the sweet sounds of nature, the little birds singing their love songs to each other, along with the gentle breeze in the leaves of the trees along with the babbling of the brook as it followed us along the path. The sweet smell of honeysuckle hung in the air. This was beauty at its best. Pink and yellow colorful flowers without the bees; this was my favorite part and walking on the soft plush grass without worry about stepping on ants. The fruit trees were scattered all along the path so I could eat at my will for strength. I reached for a plum, purple, my favorite color and it was huge and ripe. “Oh my, Chenille, this is the best fruit I’ve ever eaten in my life. It is so sweet and juicy. I don’t usually eat fruit because it doesn’t taste right, but here it tastes exactly like it should.”
“Eat all you want and all you can because, you can not take it back when you go.” Chenille laughed and said, “I have a surprise for you.”
“This whole place is a surprise for me. What else could there be?”
“Since you’ve been here, you have experienced peace and energy. It is time for you to experience healing.” Chenille said softly.
I began to tremble and tears began to fall from my eyes. Chenille assumed the position of safety. She shielded me and began to capture my tears. She reassured me, “I will be by your side as I have always been. Do not fear or be dismayed for God will be your healer. He wants to heal you and make you whole. Remember that Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and He came to set the captives free. Today is your day to be healed. Let us rejoice and be glad. Do not tremble and be afraid. Jesus is not Someone to be afraid of, but to be adored. He loves you so very much. He wants to set you free so that you can go back to set others free. Are you willing?”
With tear-filled eyes, and a racing heart, I nodded my head. “Yes, I am willing.” At that moment, we were transformed into another area of the garden, only this part was mostly water. High waterfalls, low lying springs and pools were all around us, with rock walls surrounding the area. The fresh smell of water was in the air, I guess from the waterfalls, and the air felt moist and humid. As I looked into the pool, I saw Jesus standing there in the middle with his hands stretched out towards me. “Come, child.” He said.
I released Chenille’s hand, and with my eyes locked onto Jesus and began to walk towards Him. I walked down stone steps into the pool. Suddenly, I was in a white gown as I walked towards Jesus’ outstretched arms. As I reached Him, with His outstretched arms, he embraced me. With my head pressed against His chest, and his hand gently holding my head, stroking my hair, I began to cry. I cried and cried and cried. Every hurt word spoken to me, every abuse that I endured, every painful thrash that I took, was being healed as I cried on Jesus chest right there in the pool. He stood with me and took all of the pain that I had ever experienced and took the pain off of me and placed it onto Himself. When the transition was completed, He baptized me. When I came up out of the water, I was elated. I felt joy unspeakable. I was healed spiritually, physically and mentally.
“Thank you Jesus!” I said, as I gave Him a great big hug.
“You are welcome, child.” He said. “Let’s walk. I have much I want to impart to you. I want you to remember this day forever. This is the day that you have become My bride. The enemy will try and tell you that this day did not happen. Remember, he is a liar. I want you to always look to Me, the Author and Finisher of your faith. When you have doubts or trials, come to Me for direction. I have a plan for you. I want you to go back and get with Pastor Daniels. He is a true man of God. He has a missionary that you will fit into. You will be able to help rescue many women that need Me. Women do not need to be doormats to men. You have been healed and set free from this mentality and you will be my Moses for this generation. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Lord. I understand. I love You, Thank You.” I said. As we looked deep into each others eyes, again, I was transformed into another place, although this place was too familiar. The smell of antiseptic and alcohol was overwhelming. I blinked my eyes to make sure what I was seeing was real. Pastor Daniels was standing next to the hospital bed, with his Bible in his hand, praying, “Father, please heal your servant and bring her back to us, for Your mission and Your sake, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.”
“Hi.” I managed to squeaked out. My voice quiet and soft.
“Hi there!” Pastor Daniels said. “Praise God! How are you feeling?” He excitedly asked.
“I feel wonderful! I’ve been with Jesus.”
“I know.” He said with a smile. “Now that you are back with us, you should be able to get out of here in no time.”
“Jesus gave me His plan and my mission and I’m sure He gave it to you too. Once my body is fully healed, we are to work together, to help women get free from abusive relationships.” I began to explain.
With a wink, Pastor Daniels said, “I know, Moses. It will be very exciting.”
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