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FOR FUN Wedding Hecklers
by David Ian
10/18/05
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WEDDING HECKLERS

By David Ian

ANDREA (or Andy)
BRITTNEY (or Brett)
ANNOUNCER
HECKLER #1 (female)
HECKLER #2 (male)
PASTOR


(Establishing SFX: Coffee shop – silverware on dishes, walking of waitress’ heels, possibly cook’s “Order up!”)

ANDREA
Well, my “ex” is getting married today.

BRITTNEY:
You mean the one that dropped you for that aerobics instructor?

ANDREA
Yeah. It was pretty ugly at the end.

BRITTNEY:
I don’t suppose you got an invite to the “blessed event”?

ANDREA: (bitter laugh)
No. It was “decided” on his part that it would probably be best if I “didn’t make an appearance.”

BRITTNEY:
Gotta get that last dig at you before moving on, eh?

ANDREA:
Yeah, well, that’s okay. I sent a “Wedding Heckler” to the ceremony.

BRITTNEY:
Wedding Heckler?

ANDREA:
Yes, it’s a new service from Sour Grapes Nuptials.

(SFX: Coffee shop end)

ANNOUNCER:
Yes, Sour Grapes Nuptials presents “Wedding Hecklers”

(MUSIC: Wedding March, interspersed with bad chords every now and then)

ANNOUNCER:
Well-verbally armed, sarcastic, biting-wit loudmouths who say exactly what you’d like to say at just the right moment during your former loved ones’ happiest moment.


HECK 1:
This guy’s got “Deadbeat Dad” written all over him!

ANNOUNCER:
We’re proud to present our quality line of Wedding Hecklers to speak for you when you can’t be there.


HECK 2:
Do you think she could be marrying for money? Nooooo! Not possible! GOLD DIGGER!!!!

ANNOUNCER:
Specially trained and certified for churches, synagogues and civil ceremonies.


HECK 1:
I’m surprised you picked a judge! He might know the groom’s PROBATION OFFICER! The bum…

(SFX: Coffee shop again)

BRITTNEY:
Wedding hecklers! What a great idea.

ANDREA:
Yeah, and the aerobic instructor’s ex-boyfriend sent his Wedding Heckler there, too.

BRITTNEY:
Wish I was a fly on the wall for THAT ceremony.

(SFX: Coffee shop end)

ANNOUNCER:
And now you can. For a small extra fee, we’ll digitally record the ceremony so you can have a front row seat, over and over again.

(MUSIC: Light sustained organ church chords under throughout)

PASTOR: (soft voice)
To have and to hold--

HECK1:
Yeah, until he starts “holding” onto the secretary again! Or didn’t he tell you about that little – air quote—“Misunderstanding”.

PASTOR:
In sickness and in health--

HECK2:
And especially those TIMELY HEADACHES when things start getting romantic, HAH!

PASTOR:
For richer or poorer--

HECK1:
Better be ready for POOR, sister! This bum couldn’t support a schnauzer!

PASTOR:
‘til death do you part…

HECK2:
Or her COOKING! SAME THNG!

HECK1:
The bridesmaid! The bridesmaid! He’s eyeing the BRIDESMAID! Pig!

HECK 2:
GET A PRENUP — GET A PRENUP!

ANNOUNCER:
Wedding Hecklers, from Sour Grapes Nuptials.

(MUSIC: Up and out)






If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
Member Date
LauraLee Shaw 03 Apr 2008
Oh my. I am cracking up!!!!
Shari Armstrong  10 Jan 2007
Hehehehe




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