Short Dramas and Plays
FOR FUN Wedding Hecklers
By David Ian
ANDREA (or Andy)
BRITTNEY (or Brett)
HECKLER #1 (female)
HECKLER #2 (male)
(Establishing SFX: Coffee shop – silverware on dishes, walking of waitress’ heels, possibly cook’s “Order up!”)
Well, my “ex” is getting married today.
You mean the one that dropped you for that aerobics instructor?
Yeah. It was pretty ugly at the end.
I don’t suppose you got an invite to the “blessed event”?
ANDREA: (bitter laugh)
No. It was “decided” on his part that it would probably be best if I “didn’t make an appearance.”
Gotta get that last dig at you before moving on, eh?
Yeah, well, that’s okay. I sent a “Wedding Heckler” to the ceremony.
Yes, it’s a new service from Sour Grapes Nuptials.
(SFX: Coffee shop end)
Yes, Sour Grapes Nuptials presents “Wedding Hecklers”
(MUSIC: Wedding March, interspersed with bad chords every now and then)
Well-verbally armed, sarcastic, biting-wit loudmouths who say exactly what you’d like to say at just the right moment during your former loved ones’ happiest moment.
This guy’s got “Deadbeat Dad” written all over him!
We’re proud to present our quality line of Wedding Hecklers to speak for you when you can’t be there.
Do you think she could be marrying for money? Nooooo! Not possible! GOLD DIGGER!!!!
Specially trained and certified for churches, synagogues and civil ceremonies.
I’m surprised you picked a judge! He might know the groom’s PROBATION OFFICER! The bum…
(SFX: Coffee shop again)
Wedding hecklers! What a great idea.
Yeah, and the aerobic instructor’s ex-boyfriend sent his Wedding Heckler there, too.
(SFX: Coffee shop end)
And now you can. For a small extra fee, we’ll digitally record the ceremony so you can have a front row seat, over and over again.
(MUSIC: Light sustained organ church chords under throughout)
PASTOR: (soft voice)
To have and to hold--
Yeah, until he starts “holding” onto the secretary again! Or didn’t he tell you about that little – air quote—“Misunderstanding”.
In sickness and in health--
And especially those TIMELY HEADACHES when things start getting romantic, HAH!
For richer or poorer--
Better be ready for POOR, sister! This bum couldn’t support a schnauzer!
‘til death do you part…
Or her COOKING! SAME THNG!
The bridesmaid! The bridesmaid! He’s eyeing the BRIDESMAID! Pig!
GET A PRENUP — GET A PRENUP!
Wedding Hecklers, from Sour Grapes Nuptials.
(MUSIC: Up and out)
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Oh my. I am cracking up!!!!