CSI CREW (m/f non-specific):
DETECTIVE (m/f non-specific):
(MUSIC: Intro theme music)
Join us now for “CSI Fairy Tales”. Tonight’s episode: “A Deadly Hood in the Woods”
(MUSIC: Exciting mood music, held out last note, Voice Over speaks over the top of last note)
Call came in at 10:15 pm, cottage house in the middle of the woods. Messy scene, leads were cold, the local police needed to have the crime reconstructed.
(MUSIC: Tense mood MUSIC build up to:
[POV outdoors -- SFX: Establish woods: bird calls, owls, frogs, crickets, rustling bushes, etc. Then ADD Shoes walking, snapping twigs]
Hello Jim. Can’t say I’m ever glad to see you. Always means something bad happened.
JIM: [SFX Shoes stop]
Dispatch said it was a double homicide. Real messy job.
This one’s got it all. Possible ritual killing: Axe murder, cannibalism, bad news all around.
Any history of this kind of thing in the area?
Not on record. We’re canvassing the area now. Cottage belongs to an elderly woman, known as “Grandma” not much else to go on. But inside, well, that’s different story.
I’d like to take a look inside, if that’s all right
Sure, scene’s clear.
[SFX: Walking Shoes, then going up steps during dialogue]
We really need a break on this one, Jim. Ever since the break in at the Bears’ and the two missing German kids, people are becoming afraid of the woods, now.
[SFX screen door open/close), POV changes to house interior; camera shutter taking pictures; shoes on wood floor interior]
Well, it’s all yours, and your welcome to it.
[SFX: Camera shutter/footsteps stop]
Steady Frank. So, it looks like the wolf ate grandma, and then put on her clothes.
A real predator.
Must be one of those sick fetish things.
JIM: (pondering in that patented David Caruso way)
Now why would Grandma let a wolf into her house?
You’d think after that messy pig triplet affair people would learn.
Don’t know if Granny could, Jim. Word was she was bedridden.
Frank, I want you to check out this wolf body with the axe marks. I want to know what we’re dealing with here.
[SFX sound of tape measure being strung out, then snapping back -- continues.]
Looks like a standard woodsman axe, Jim. Possibly double-headed blade. Probably one of the local wood-cutters.
Jim, you’re going to want to see this.
JIM: [SFX: shoes on wood floor]
Whattya got, Jane?
Red fibers that don’t match any of our victims here. Commonly used on Riding Hoods. Could be our perp had an accomplice.
JIM: (pondering again)
A woodcutter, and his mysterious friend. Good work.
One more thing.
Mixed in with the fibers, I found organic proteins.
Not the blonde from the Three Bears again?
No, that was porridge, which doesn’t have these kinds of proteins. No, we’re talking “Goodies” here.
JIM: (David Caruso pondering again)
So our Red Riding Hood was a dealer in Goodies?
Looking that way.
(SFX: Opening/closing screen door, two sets shoes male/female approaching)
Hey, Jim, look who I found out back. And I also found this Red Hood buried not too far away.
You can’t prove that’s mine.
Oh, I think we can. A DNA test on some hair fibers here in this hood will come out positive with a match to yours. Frank, check out what she’s got on her sleeve there.
And that puts you at the scene, here, young lady. So you better start talking.
So, here I am, on my way to Grandma’s house, and this Wolf starts harassing me, you know. Checking out my Goodies, asking where I’m going. So I finally lose the creep and head to Grannies when I find the monster had eaten Granny and was going to make me his dessert. So I hollered and screamed and this woodsman comes in and whacks the Wolf.
That’s a very nice story, but the evidence suggests a better one. You’re on the road and you see this wolf, minding his own business. You get him hooked on Goodies until you get him to do whatever you tell him to do. So you come over to Grannies here and you start threatening her to sign over her inheritance to you, or you’ll let the Wolf loose on her. You scare her with the Pig’s Triplet story and whole houses destroyed. But things go wrong, because you didn’t know that the wolf had an unhealthy fascination for grannie clothes. So he ate her and kept you here against your will. That’s when you got the bright idea to scream at a passing woodsman so he’d kill the wolf for you, then you paid him off with a kilo of Goodies. You were just going to skip off when we arrived.
You can’t prove a thing!
We just did. Take her downtown.
MUSIC: Theme music up and under)
Join us next time when a giant’s DNA, the blood of an Englishman, a magic bean pusher, a cow swapping ring, and a golden-goose smuggling operation leads to a horrific death-plunge from the clouds on “CSI: Fairy Tales”.
(MUSIC: Theme music up and out)
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
Read more articles by David Ian or search for articles on the same topic or others.
I LOVED this, David...only one quick lil thing in this paragraph:
That’s a very nice story, but the evidence <> a better one. You’re on the road and you see this wolf, minding his own business. You get him hooked on Goodies until you get him to do whatever you tell him to do. So you come over to Grannies here and you start threatening her to sign over her inheritance to you, or you’ll let the Wolf loose on her. You scare her with the Pig’s Triplet story and whole houses destroyed. But things go wrong, because you didn’t know that the wolf had an unhealthy fascination for grannie clothes. So he ate her and kept you here against your will. That’s when you got the bright idea to scream at a passing woodsman so he’d kill the wolf for you, then you paid him off with a kilo of Goodies. You were just going to skip off when we arrived.