Short Dramas and Plays
IT’S A WHALE OF A DAY
Jonah, The Reluctant Witness
Introduction
He couldn’t ever have guessed what the results of his witness would be. How could any one predict that an entire city would immediately turn to God when they heard from Him through His prophet. But they did.
The lesson learned? When we do our job, God does His. Each one of us has his or her own Nineveh. Will we run and try to duck out on our responsibility? Or will we do our job, witness and watch what God does in response?
The Play
A slightly modernized comic-drama in three short scenes for small or larger groups.
Characters:
John
Sailors/People
The Voice
Captain/King
Scene One: On The Run (Jonah 1)
Scene Two: How Do You Spell Relief? (Jonah 2)
Scene Three: I Think They Got The Message (Jonah 3)
Scene One: On The Run
Jonah is happily going about his business. He was a prophet so we can imagine him working away at a sermon. He is dutifully flipping the pages of his books and writing things down, perhaps singing a song, like “I Will Make You Fishers Of Men”, to himself.
The Voice
Jonah.
Jonah: (looks up and all around, startled)
Uh…yeeees? If you kids are playing hide-and-seek with me, you’re in trouble. I told you I didn’t want to be disturbed while I was working on my Sunday sermon.
The Voice:
Jonah.
Jonah: (realizing who is speaking to him, jumps up, very alert)
Yes, Lord, what can I do for You?
The Voice:
I’m glad you asked that question. I have a job for you.
Jonah:
Sure. Whatever You want, Lord. Just name it. Fire away. At Your service.
The Voice:
Jonah, I am very concerned about the awful sinfulness of the people in the city of Nineveh. I want you to go and tell them that I am very unhappy about their wickedness and that, if they don’t repent and change their ways ASAP, I’m going to destroy them.
Jonah:
Uh, did you say Nineveh, Lord? THE Nineveh? The one with all those nasty people who worship idols; who beat up on anyone who gets in their way; who do whatever they want, whenever they want, no matter how bad it is? THAT Nineveh?
The Voice:
That’s the one.
Jonah:
Are You sure? I mean they are a pretty tough bunch. They probably won’t listen. It would be a waste of time, Lord. I mean, even supposing they say they’re sorry, and maybe even mean it, then You won’t be able to give them the punishment they deserve for being so bad, right?
The Voice:
But I love them, Jonah. I don’t want to have to punish them, remember? You just go and give them the message. Leave the rest to me.
Jonah:
Well, sure, Lord. (voice trails off as Jonah realizes that he has been left alone)
Give me a break. Nineveh? No way. No way, José. Not on your life. Never. Absolutely not. You couldn’t pay me enough to risk my neck going to Nineveh. He has got to be kidding. They’ll kill me. I mean those people are truly BAD. (pauses) Besides if God punishes them for all the nasty stuff they’ve done, it’s no less than they deserve. He can blast them to bits for all I care. No me. Not Nineveh. No way.
(Jonah leaves. From the other side of the stage enters the captain of the ship to Tarshish.)
Captain: (yells off to one side)
Hurry up, guys. Load that cargo. We’ll miss the tide and we have a schedule to keep. (he mutters to himself) Two thousand miles to go, and they act like we’ve got 'til Christmas. Can’t get good help these days.
(Jonah enters in a hurry.)
Jonah:
You the captain of this tub…er, ship?
Captain:
Who wants to know? And make it fast, I’m busy.
Jonah:
Me, that’s who wants to know. I want to buy a ticket as long as you are not going anywhere near Nineveh.
Captain: (laughs)
You’re in luck. We’re going in the opposite direction. Besides, who in their right mind would want to go to Nineveh?
Jonah:
Not me, that’s for sure.
Captain:
You got the money, I got the space. But we’re leaving right now.
Jonah:
Perfect. The sooner, the better.
Captain:
Say, you look like a man on the run from the law. You in some kind of trouble?
Jonah:
Nope, not me. I’m not on the run—not from the law, anyway. But I sure hope the Lord God of Israel doesn’t catch up with me. He and I have a little disagreement about Nineveh. Anyway, right now, I’m not going to worry about that. (yawns) I’m pooped. Think I’ll go down to my cabin and have a little nap. Nothing like a little sea air to make you sleepy. (yawns again)
Captain:
Well, your problems with your God are none of my business, just as long as your money’s good and you don’t interfere with my schedule. Hurry up and get on board. (yells to an unseen crew) Cast off. Let’s get going.
(Jonah leaves. The sounds of wind and waves begin to increase. Sailors enter swaying from side to side as though having difficulty keeping on their feet as the boat is tossed about.)
Captain:
Move that box. Pitch that crate overboard. We’ve got to lighten the ship or we’ll sink.
(sailors throw things into the audience.)
Sailor 1:
Look out. Here comes one of those monster waaaaaaaaaaaaves. (appropriate sounds)
Sailor 2:
Captain. We’ve thrown everything overboard we can, but it’s not doing any good.
Sailor 1:
The storm’s getting worse, sir. I’ve never seen anything like it, not in thirty years at sea. We’re going to drown.
Captain:
Start praying, boys, cause we’re in big trouble. I’m going down to the hold to what else I can shake loose and toss overboard.
(Sailors and captain exit. Jonah appears, horizontal and snoring. The captain enters.)
Jonah:
Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z
Captain:
HEY YOU. How can you sleep at a time like this? In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a whale of a storm out there and if something good doesn’t happen like right now, we’re going to be fish food very soon. Maybe you’d better get in touch with that God of yours you were telling me about before. Maybe He can help. Nothing else seems to be working.
Jonah: (to himself)
Somehow I don’t think He and I are exactly on speaking terms.
(Enter sailors.)
Sailor 1:
There’s got to be some reason for this storm, I mean the CNN weatherman said it was going to be sunny and calm all the way to Tarshish.
Sailor 2:
We have to get rid of some more weight and lighten the boat. We haven’t got any more boxes or crates, so we’ll have to think of something else. Let’s draw straws. The guy with the shortest straw gets tossed.
Sailor 1:
Sounds like a plan, though I’m going to keep on eye on you just to make sure you don’t cheat and keep the longest straw for yourself.
(The sailors go through the motions of cutting up, arranging and giving out the straws. Jonah comes up with the shortest. )
Sailor 1:
Sorry about that, mister. But we have to lighten the ship.
Jonah:
Don’t worry about it. I got the short straw because I’m the one who caused all this mess. I’m a Hebrew, a worshipper of the God of Israel. He’s the Creator of the land and the sea. The storm came because He’s trying to get my attention.
Sailor 2:
I thought I heard the captain say you were having a LITTLE disagreement with your God. If this is the result of a little disagreement, I’d hate to be around when you are have a BIG one.
Sailor 1:
So what do we do with you now?
Jonah:
Stick with your plan. It’s my fault. It’s me God wants. Just throw me overboard and everything will be all right — at least for you. I’m not sure my travel insurance will cover what is going to happen to me.
Captain:
You’re nuts. You can’t swim to shore from here, and that’s only supposing this storm doesn’t kill you first. No, put your back to it men. We’ll row to shore.
(The men struggle to row.)
Sailor 2:
No use, captain. It’s getting worse.
Captain:
God of Jonah, sorry about this, but it looks like the only thing we can do is ditch this prophet of yours.
(They “throw” Jonah overboard.)
Sailor 1:
Wow, would you look at this. It’s as sunny and calm as the CNN weather guy said it would be. Boy, this God of Jonah’s is really something else.
Sailor 2:
Hey, forget the weather. Would you look at the size of that fish out there circling the spot where we threw Jonah.
Captain:
And, would you look at what it’s having for lunch. It just swallowed Jonah.
Sailor 1:
Should we lower the boat and search for him, captain?
Captain:
Forget it. Besides, we threw the lifeboat overboard, remember? Let’s go, but slowly. I have to do some serious thinking about how I’m going to explain throwing all that cargo into the sea on a sunny day with calm seas.
(They exit.)
Scene Two: How DO you spell relief?
(Jonah “swims” in, coughing.)
Brother, have I ever done it now. I really blew it. Too bad I didn’t figure out how stupid it was to run from God until I hit the water. On the other hand, this is better than drowning — I think. Still, I’m glad God heard my call for help, even if it means camping out in the stomach of a fish. (chuckles) This is one “whale” of an experience.
I’m sorry I made such a mess of things. I should have done what He asked me to do. Those pagans haven’t got a chance of being saved. I get to call out to God when I’m in trouble. But they don’t even know who God is to be able to call out to Him. Those pieces of dead wood and stone they worship can’t help them. I wish I could go back to that moment when He asked me to go to Nineveh. If I had another chance I’d do what He asked. Maybe if those wicked Ninevites could hear about my God, they’d call on Him too. After all, salvation does only come from the Lord.
Ah, what’s that sound? Yikes, I think I’m going to be sick…ah, correction, I think this fish is going to be sick. Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h—.
(Lights out)
Scene Three: I Think They Got The Message
(Lights come up with Jonah standing on a box addressing the audience)
Jonah:
Okay, you people, listen up. You’ve gotten away with too much for too long, and God is not pleased. If you don’t ask God’s forgiveness for all the nasty stuff you’ve been doing; all that fighting, lying, cheating, swearing, stealing, being mean to people, and worshipping hunks of stone and wood, God’s going to punish you just like you deserve. And, it’s not going to be pretty when He does. You’ve got forty days to think it over, and then, Wham — you’re in really big trouble.
Person 1:
Brother, when I first saw this guy, I thought he was trying to make a fashion statement. Did you see the seaweed? Then, when I smelled him, I figured he must be advertising the latest in perfume — eau de whale. But, you know, when I heard him, I said to myself: “Self, this is serious.” I believe the guy. We really must be as rotten as he smells, and God’s going to punish us.
Person 2:
I believe it, too. We’d better do like he says and ask God to forgive us. Maybe it’s not too late.
(The king enters.)
King:
Now hear this. From now on, all of us, and I do mean ALL of us, are going to spend all our time calling on God for forgiveness. And, all of us, and I do mean ALL of us, are going to stop doing all the nasty stuff we’ve been doing, just like Jonah told us. Maybe, just maybe, God will not punish us, but forgive us instead.
The Voice:
I have seen what you have done, and I know that you mean what you say. I have seen your hearts and know that you are truly sorry for what you have done. And just as I promised you through my messenger, Jonah, I will forgive you and I will not punish you.
(Everyone jumps around, hugging each other.)
Person 2:
Hurrah. God’s forgiven us. What say we have a celebration? Let’s go find Jonah. I know this great seafood restaurant and today’s special is whale steak with seaweed sauce. I just know he’ll love it.
##########
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