A healthy marriage relies on the foundations of truth, honesty, honor, respect, and above all commitment. Couples donít have a problem staying married, that's the easy part! The difficult element of marriage is actually being happy and satisfied? Wouldnít you say?
By answering these questions, you will find out how to be happy in your marriage.
1.) What is the purpose for your marriage?
2.) What do you believe is truth for your marriage?
3.) And where do those beliefs come from?
Many of us choose marriage because we donít want to be alone in life. We want a lasting friendship/relationship with another to walk lifeís journey with. That means husband and wife shouldnít go wondering off on separate roads, but stay together on the same roads learning and growing together.
Many times that takes compromising with each other; giving up something YOU enjoy for the sake of YOUR spouse. This is how you bring happiness and contentment into the marriage.
So what is the purpose for your marriage?
Choosing happiness and satisfaction is a purpose in your life, is it not? It is something we all want. Who doesn't want to be happy? How will you attain this happiness? What will you do to bring happiness into your marriage for your self and spouse?
You can't really expect your spouse to make you happy? Isn't this asking too much of them?
If you require inner peace from another human being it isnít going to happen.
So the answer is simple, really, you just got to turn the tables around. Your purpose for marriage is for YOU to bring the happiness, and satisfaction into play for both you and your spouse to enjoy, instead of relying upon or expecting your spouse to do it.
That means giving out a little bit more of your self than you already have, and doing that even when you donít feel like it. So what if you do most of the giving, you shouldnít be keeping score or you will never be happy. Keeping score keeps us under the bondage of our negative feelings. We donít want that.
You have a big job ahead of you, but it is an important task, that should never be overlooked. It is such an important responsibility that not everyone can do it. In fact, most people choose to live under the control of their feelings and they remain unhappy and unsatisfied. That is why there is so much divorce circulating around in this country.
Remember this is your purpose for marriage, and it is not to be taken lightly.
What do you believe is truth for your marriage?
The selfish way of believing is living in the "I want mode" of thinking. This selfish pattern girdles on what you believe.
Culture of society plays itself out with this kind of thinking. People are like chameleons, individuality is lost, and becomes one in its beliefs. A corrupt culture is formed through spiritual bankruptcy. It flourishes on selfish thinking and rebelliousness to the truth.
Scriptures says in Luke, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." Luke 16:15
Selfish thinking believes that striving for more money and stuff will make you happy? Should you continue to strive for more riches and status to make your marriage happy and satisfied? When will it be enough money? How will you know when to stop striving for more money? When you win the lottery?
This is how most marriages work. But most marriages are unhappy and failing. So what's the problem?
The power of happiness and satisfaction lies within what you can do for your self.
"Keep Your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, becasue God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" Hebrews 13:5
The dissatisfaction you feel is the realization that something is missing in your life; youíre just not sure whatís missing. Some couples believe the discontent of marriage to mean, they are no longer in love with their spouse, and so their beliefs make them stop loving the way they are supposed to love.
But whatís really missing from your life are beliefs built upon the foundations of godly wisdom, love and truth. It is not that you have stopped loving your spouse; it is that you have literally stopped loving your spouse! Your beliefs have created a way of life that feeds off self to survive.
You cannot love or give of your self properly if you are living off of self-based love.
The greatest goal and purpose you can attain for your marriage should to be more loving! To be more giving! To love not on demand or with strings attached, but to just love.
We accomplish this goal by handing over the selfish person we are now to God and letting Him take over for us in the selfish department. Once this is done, we can learn to love others with freedom by giving of ourselves with no strings or demands attached.
Believe it or not, this is what fulfills your being and brings happiness and satisfaction into your life and marriage.
When you are filled up with the love of God, He will rid you of all the negative feelings that once were absorbed in your mind that were radiating onto others.
We need to believe in Christís love and allow His spirit into our lives by humbling (submitting), and accepting Him.
"...That is why scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6"
You see, without a real purpose for our lives, a part of us is missing. We are needy, selfish, and clingy and this makes us unable to give of our self. When we love with selfishness, we place bargains and demands on the table with that love. This is not genuine love, but love that is confused and selfish.
Bottom line is if we direct our marriage under our own understanding of what we think and what our feelings say, the marriage becomes a self made marriage, ruled not from the love and wisdom of Jesus Christ, but from selfishness and worldly nature of man's desires.
A healthy marriage cannot survive under those conditions and environment without much unhappiness, and that is why there is so much divorce!
We all want love and happiness, but it is the source of where we attain that happiness. That is the question. If our purpose is to have bigger and better things, then we know where to look. Those things are right outside our front door.
But if our purpose is to be happy, and to love others and to feel at peace, then it can only be found in one place. Your heart will find it for sure if you are genuinely seeking for the Truth and for the answers.
The source is as close as your mind will contemplate it, and as near to you as your heart will allow it in.
The word of God is a seed planted in your heart, the knowledge and wisdom is pondered, it grows until you become it, and are one with it. Understand it, use it, nurture it, and you shall be happy!
Angie Lewis, author of new release book, JOURNEY ON THE ROADS LESS TRAVELED, abook about love, life, marriage, and spiritual awareness.
Angie is the writer and webmaster for online marriage and bible study ministry, Heaven Ministries. http://www.heavenministries.com/