Not For Sale
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Wow. Look, I did it! I canít believe it. Iím done thirteen years of school. Ha, Ha! Someone must be insane to let me graduate. Talk about dangerous.
Iím not even sure what Iím feeling right now. I mean, I want to cry, but I canít and I want to shout for joy, but I wonít. I have so many feelings running through my mind and heart that trying to describe them is like trying to describe every teardrop in a raging river. Itís not possible.
I hope you have a plan, Father. Because youíve tossed mine out the window a few to many times for me to trust anything Iíve come up with. Not that Iím not grateful, so far your plans are all better then mine. Itís just that I hate it when I canít see everything laid out and right now all I see is a brown trodden path heading into inky blackness. So once again, Iím leaning totally on you and trust all will be safe and everything will work out.
Donít worry, I know collage is next. But that by itself is scary. I mean, I know where Iím going, but I have no idea how. Iím stepping out into a place Iíve never been and Iím expected to fly. The problem is my wings are still kinda new. Itís just that way when your homeschooled. I loved being homeschooled. I had everything I needed and wanted in my education. It definitely wasnít a walk in the park, like most school kids say. But for me it was safer. It kept me from things that I might have had to deal with other wise. It also gave me things that going to public school couldnít. But Iíll be nice and not say what. Still, all that means that college is a scary place and Iím willing to bet I wonít make it without you. So help me, please.
Itís funny; now that Iím not positive I want all this independence, I get it. Nice trick! Iím pretty sure Iíd rather have it in larger steps then jumping in with both feet now. I think you forget the safety line. I liked being a kid. So, Iím going to grow up, but not that much. Iíll make sure that a part of me stays a kid. After all, thatís the part where my dreams come from and Iíll never let them go.
Thereís something else I never want to let go of, my friends. That was one of the cool things about being involved in 4-H. I made friends that I otherwise would never have made. When I got in a jam over something in my schoolwork I could always call one of them and someone would have the answer. But it wasnít just schoolwork, I can talk to them about other things too. Itís always fun to do stuff together. Thatís one of the main concerns people have about homeschooling, I think some of our parents worry about it too. But we managed to form our own sort of family. I even have some friends at the school because of my sports. And I donít know what Iíd do with out my best friend. She understands me totally, I donít even have to say anything and she knows. Sheís awesome in everything. So Iíd have to say it turned out okay. Yeah, I definitely have some good friends. Thank you for them all.
Thank you too for my family; I donít know where Iíd be without them. For being homeschooled, like I said it was the best. And for having so much support and love from people who care about me and who pray for me. For your love, guidance, and light, thereís something I donít ever want to know what itís like to be without. And for all the opportunities Iíve had and still have and my abilities. For my fantasies and dreams, something I really need and can use when I need to escape reality for a little while. For that one still place, in my house you need it and I have a feeling Iíll need it even more in college. For your Son and my other best friend. And for the things you do to help me that sometimes I donít even see. Oh yeah, and for graduating! So, thank you, Father, thank you for everything.Love,
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