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The Wino and the Doctor of Divinity
by Patricia Backora
09/27/05
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The Wino and the Doctor of Divinity

One night a Bible-believing Christian was peacefully resting in bed. He heard a loud noise. He got up, and to his surprise, the poorest wino in town was loudly denouncing him and rummaging through his closet, ripping up his clothes.

“You can’t be a real Christian!” the poor man shouted. “You wear new clothes and you have a roof over your head! When I’m done correcting the situation, I’m gonna attack you and your family to put you in your place!”

The Christian yelled loudly. He raced after the wino, waving his belt to scare him downstairs and out of the house. Next Sunday, the whole congregation patted him on the back and congratulated him for bravely protecting his own space from satan’s attack.

Another Bible-believing Christian was peacefully resting in bed. He heard a loud noise. He got up, and to his surprise, a doctor of divinity was loudly denouncing him and rummaging through his closet, ripping up his clothes. “Some Christian you are!” he shouted. “Jesus wouldn’t dress this way, in a corduroy suit and comrade cap! He never comes to church without His three-piece suit and tie! After I’m done casting the devil out of your leftie liberal Garment of Salvation, I’m gonna chastise you and your whole dysfunctional family from my pulpit!”

The Christian yelled loudly. He raced after the doctor of divinity who played the role of the Great Physician. He waved his Bible at him to scare him downstairs and out of his house. Next Sunday, the whole congregation castigated the burgled man for persecuting somebody God had sent to gangpress him into the collective image of “respectability”.


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