Perhaps I am alone. Perhaps not. I feel as though I am the only true Christian Cynic. I realize that some who read this might instantly take it as a sign of my unbelief, or lack of faith. Let me reassure the kind reader that this is not, so far as I have the grace to know, the case. My faith in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit are alive and well. I have personally seen in my own life not only the power of Salvation offered by Christ, but the daily guidance and indeed miracles of a loving God.
No, my cynicism is directed at both myself and my fellow man, not my God. Some would say this foolish and an affront to Him in whose image we are created. I will not deny them their feelings in this. But I do believe very much in the many paradoxes at the heart of the faith, much like Chesterton did. For me, this is my paradox, that I can love God, and indeed love my neighbor, but have no faith in my neighbor. Actually, I have little desire for the company of my neighbor.
Perhaps it is my background in Criminal Justice, or many betrayals by loved ones, or just my anti-social demeanor that drives this belief. I wish all mankind well, I will help and do when I can, I even seek out those down and out to help when I can, yet I cannot help but feel that the majority of them will fail. I find myself praying to God in these situations to give me the grace to encourage and treat kindly with those who in my heart I feel so pessimistic about. He has always seen me through each situation, but my heart still feels the same. Perhaps my hope for man lies in the hope I have for myself. It is the hope that God can use even someone so bitterly flawed as me.
Am I the only one?
Incidentally, you should have seen me before God saved me.