On my son’s tenth birthday, I was at work on an Army installation running an electronic filing machine. I had been experiencing an uneasiness I could not describe. On this particular day, I couldn’t stop crying. I knew I had to talk to someone. Finally, I asked my supervisor if I could talk to an Army chaplain. He arranged the appointment. Meanwhile, every time I stopped sobbing, I heard the word ‘trust’. I heard it several times. I didn’t know what to think.
I went to the chapel center across the street from the building where I worked. The chaplain introduced himself and I returned the courtesy, introducing myself. We talked, or rather, I talked and he listened. He asked questions and I answered them. At the end of my time, I went back to work.
A short time later, I changed jobs inside the building, trying to get some relief from arthritis. The area where I had been working was air conditioned for the benefit of electronic equipment. All the while when I ran across the word ‘trust’ in my Bible reading I would say, “There’s that word again.” In my new job I learned new skills but there were certain tasks that I could not do as well as needed to be done. Also there were some tasks that I really didn’t care for, but I had to do them anyway.
My husband worked in the automobile industry. We went through three lay offs in as many years. His time working between the second and third ones was six weeks. A while after he got called back to work he shared with me that he realized he was an alcoholic. This revelation bothered me but it answered many questions.
About six months after I changed jobs, I had decided to make another change in my life. I started attending a church of the denomination where I had been worshipping that was closer to my home. I had been attending this new church awhile when my husband shared his news with me. One night at church a group of us were reading scripture passages. The word ‘trust’ happened to be in my verse to be read. I shared my reaction (there’s that word, again) with a friend. She grinned and said, “Maybe, the Lord’s trying to tell you something.” He was.
The summer after my husband got called back to work, we went on our annual vacation. Events started happening that sent me into a tailspin. Because of these events, when I returned to work, nothing seemed to set well with me. One task I didn’t care to do came up with more regularity. It was ‘busy work’ for when one didn’t have any productive work on hand. Several times, when I could, I called my husband and had him come get me.
Late that October, I developed a terrible sinus infection that stayed with me throughout the fall. I was not well emotionally, crying for long periods of time.
One day in particular, I sat in an area of my office trying to post ledgers and cried for the whole time I was there. I had gotten behind in this task and needed to get caught up.
The strange thing was, no one said anything to me or asked about what was bothering me. If anyone had, I would not have been able to tell him or her.
I went back to my doctor; he noticed my demeanor. He prescribed some tranquilizers and told me if I wanted to see a psychiatrist, he would recommend one for me. I told him I would think about it. I remember taking the maximum allotted time of sick leave-3 days-without a doctor’s statement.
That November on our wedding anniversary, we sold our older car to my husband’s niece, giving us some extra money. We purchased a microwave oven as part of our anniversary. My husband also got something he wanted. We made the microwave purchase over Thanksgiving. When I returned to work I was ecstatic about having this convenience. As I look back, I probably scared a couple of my co-workers because I was so up.
Still, things were not going as they should have. I was basically not sleeping at night and crying at home, again for no reason. One day at work on the last day of November, as I was really struggling with some parts of my job, the phone on my desk rang. It was my husband. The conversation went this way.
“Do us both a favor and see if you can get a 30 day personal leave and try to get yourself feeling better.”
“I won’t get paid for half of that time; I’ve used a lot of leave lately.” I had two weeks total leave accrued as a result of taking time to go to the doctor and those days I chose to go home early all came out of my time.
“It doesn’t matter. We will get by.”
I found out from my supervisor that I would need to have a doctor’s statement when I returned. I called our doctor. His receptionist answered the phone. When I asked to speak to the main nurse she asked me if she could help me. I let her know very quickly that I had asked to speak to the nurse. The next voice I heard was the doctor asking me what he could do. He said there would be no problem about signing the statement.
While on my leave of absence, I reestablished communication with some ladies I had worshipped with prior to changing churches. These were very special ladies I had met early in my marriage. They included me in some of their activities that winter. After I resigned my job, they invited me to some special small group meetings. Before things got so heavy for me, I had started teaching the third and fourth grade Sunday School class at church. One lesson in particular got me to reflecting about this word trust. The lesson’s scripture passages included Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy way acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” I stopped reading and let these words soak in.
A few days later I called one of those friends and told her I found a verse of scripture that spoke to me. I tried quoting it but couldn’t remember anything past the first word. She helped me out by quoting the passage after she asked me if this was what I meant. I said, “Yes.” I still believe that she knew what I was trying to say because of supernatural help from God.
I have had a lot of things to trust God for over the intervening years. One Sunday our then pastor had asked my husband and me to share with the congregation our favorite Bible verses. I am not a very good public speaker. I got the reference out but my mind went blank after I said the first few words. The congregation finished quoting the passage.
A few weeks ago, I ran across this passage in my reading. I liked the next two verses as well. “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” I had been doing the Worship Bulletin for my church; each week I choose a passage that needs to be shared either to remind the people or myself of a special provision of God. That particular week I chose to use all four verses. I did the Bulletin on Friday. On Saturday, I logged onto my computer and saw that one particular Christian Website had emailed me their “Today’s Verse”. Can you guess what that verse was? Proverbs 3:5-6
I had been going through something for several months. This issue kept entering my life in different ways. The latest two instances came to my ears within twenty-four hours. I needed God to remind me He is in control. He did by bringing me back to consciously trusting Him.
God started telling me to trust him over twenty years ago. He is still telling me to trust him as I write this. He sends events and trials into my life periodically to remind me of my daily need to trust. I am still on a spiritual journey even as spring approaches. I have been let down by a recently made decision. But I know that God is still in control.
I read this testimony a while ago, and I could not find the words to encourage you. I am only glad that you realize that God is in control. His work in you is not done, nor has He gone vacant from his throne. Continue in Faith and prayers.