I cry to you, Lord, out of relational weariness. I am worn down with grasping and clutching that merges limbs and thoughts but not hearts. I long for true connection.
This morning I listened to my own slow breathing, and wondered about its consistent pattern. There is something like this that happens between people, too – a give and take, a rhythm defining the dynamics of Real life. The ebb and flow results from fully drawing in another, but then also releasing that person with no sense of possession. Unity can only happen when both hearts are receptive but also free.
I dread the ongoing distance, the surface intimacy, and wonder what purpose You see in it all. Is this pruning fruitful? Does it empower me to connect with You? Surely You have not exposed me to such barrenness without just cause.
I look raw, chewed up, and side-stepped at the heart level. Not in ways that can be seen by others, but through my own internal, soulful vision.
My hope lies in You, Lord, for experience has taught me that You are faithful. Take this desolate desert of a heart and water it so that seeds of Your love and joy can flourish. My heart feels wasted and ignored, and yet You are here, deeply tending to my needs. You fill me with Yourself, and challenge me to continue to live the heart life - even when bound by cords of loneliness.
Hello again on Halloween night Beth! I read this and felt a kinship with your sharing. Just spending time in His Presence, relaxing into His love and will and leadings.
He does know our feelings and will always send help and comfort in His special way. Sister Jacque