Tearing Down the Walls of Bitterness Betrayal and Backbiting Pt1
Walls are built to protect us from the outside elements, but in our relationships with others walls may serve a different purpose. We build walls of different behaviors to protect us from one another. I know that betrayal, bitterness and backbiting are very harsh sounding words but most of us have either been on the giving end or receiving end of at least one of these words at one time or another.
One of my favorite books is “Betrayal’s Baby” by author P. Bunny Wilson. Wilson says that betrayal has a baby and names her bitterness. Wilson states, “Bitterness comes into the world holding a clock in her hand that is set to the exact day, hour and minute of betrayal. That clock is placed over the fireplace of our hearts, on a dusty mantelpiece filled with other clocks. The clocks are ticking but the hands are frozen. With each new betrayal we feel, an additional clock joins the collection. With every clock comes a ‘commitment of protection’ that we hope will keep us from experiencing the same kind of pain and disappointment again.” WOW! How accurate a picture she has painted for us! Many of us have tons of clocks on our mantelpieces.
What are some types of betrayal?
Well, for many of us there is wounding. We have been wounded by our past. We have been betrayed by people who were supposed to love us—physical abuse, emotional abuse, and mental abuse. We’ve been wounded by words or wounded because we never got to do what we wanted to do with our lives. Maybe because we were sacrificing for our siblings, or spouses or even our own children. Or maybe we were told we weren’t smart enough, not pretty enough, not sophisticated enough—we were wounded, we felt betrayed….and betrayal had a baby..
Maybe we have felt deserted by friends who said they’d be there for us—but once they became successful and moved into a higher tax bracket—or after we have helped them in their time of need—they have deserted us ...we felt betrayed and now betrayal had her baby…
Some of us have been rejected by someone after we have given them our love, our devotion? We’ve sacrificed our needs and our wants to make sure they were taken care of—we gave them the “best years of our life” - we helped put them through school—we supported them while they climbed the ladder of success—now we have been rejected—turned away...we were betrayed...and now betrayal had a baby…
Oh, yes, how many times have we been deceived? We thought the person was on the up and up! Looked like the real thing, walked like the real thing, and boy, did they talk like the real thing—only to reveal their true colors and prove to be counterfeit! We believed them when they said they wouldn’t tell anybody—or when they said they “got our back” - but when push came to shove all our business was out on the street and we were left to pick up the pieces by ourselves. We were betrayed...and now betrayal had a baby…
Betrayal sits in your spirit, begins to be nurtured by your pain, by your frustration—it grows and grows—you bear the labor pains—you cry, “why can’t I get over it, why can’t I forgive, why can’t I find joy?” Because you have held betrayal so close to your heart...on the mantelpiece—your clock is ticking away—it becomes a part of you and nine days, nine months, nine years—however long it takes—betrayal gives birth to its baby...bitterness…..
Next time, we’ll examine how easy it is for us to build walls of bitterness and backbiting and what we can do to make sure that the walls will come crumbling down!
©2005 Candie A. Price
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