Short Stories
BBQ Tithes and Party Wine
By Patricia Backora, author of the book
Tough Love in Christ's Millennium
Which you can order online from: http://www.publishamerica.com
Pastor Bob knew the Reverend Superior of the Regional Synod thought he’d completely flipped. But Bob also knew he was between a rock and a hard place. Better to take flak from another man than risk God’s displeasure about hiding the real truth from Christians who had a right to know it. The New Covenant tithing tax was as heated an issue to the modern church as circumcision had been to the early church, and just as much a sacred cow. But Bob had prayerfully researched his Scriptures. He could no longer in good conscience condone this age-old heresy. It was an outright sin to confiscate ten percent of a poor family’s income in the Name of the Poor Carpenter Who never financed his own ministry that way. Paul hadn’t done that, nor had Peter and John, who said: "Silver and gold have I none." So what gave the leaders of his denomination the right to further impoverish people poorer than themselves? In this Age of Grace God’s people were no longer serving under the Mosaic Law, so it was even wrong to take tithes off the rich parishioners. This predominantly working class congregation was always grumbling about the pressure put on them to tithe.
Bob dreaded the visit of Reverend Superior Rufus. But he must finally make a firm stand for the Truth of God’s Holy Word. The Reverend Superior was a stern old bear, but Bob’s primary loyalty must be to the Redeemer Who had washed him in His own blood, not to modern-day pharisees soaked in tradition.
The two men met in Bob’s big study. "Pastor Bob!" the venerable old cleric rebuked, "What is this I hear? You refuse to respect the long-standing dogma of our diocese! Rumors are circulating that you disagree with our church’s policy on member tithing!"
"True, Reverend Rufus," Bob hesitated. "Are you aware of the fact that the Apostle Paul never once enforced tithing in the churches under his oversight?"
"You’re splitting hairs over mere semantics," said Reverend Rufus. "You’re obsessing over what you CALL the money laymen put in the plate! A hundred dollar check is a hundred dollar check irregardless of whether you label it a tithe, a donation, a contribution, or an offering. Paul taught generous giving, and he didn’t even turn down contributions from the destitute saints of Macedonia. So why do you make such a fuss over the label you attach to the funds coming into this church? God loves a cheerful giver, so the logical implication is that He hates a stingy one."
"But you’re a doctor of divinity, Reverend, with a string of degrees as long as my arm. You’re Head Chair of Doctrinal Forensics at Stonewall Seminary. You must know what Scripture really says about the Biblical tithe, and that Gentiles were never appointed by God to collect it."
"Gentiles, smentiles!" Reverend Rufus barked. "Pastor, you’re one Gentile who will end up a janitor if you don’t submit to church authority as the Bible commands! I’ll be back in town to check on you in two weeks’ time, and if by then you aren’t enforcing tithing in this congregation, I’ll have you excommunicated from the flock of the faithful. Not only that, you’ll be defrocked faster than a fiery chariot. By the time we’re done with you, boy, you won’t be able to preach to a parish of winos on Bourbon Street!"
Winos...for some reason that word kept circulating in Bob’s brain long after the eminent gentleman had left. After praying about his dilemma for a few minutes, Bob found the courage to smile. Some key Old Testament Scriptures were resurfacing. If this preacher went down defending the truth, he would go down in a blaze of glory!
After Pastor Bob’s next Sunday sermon, he announced an event, to be held in two weeks’ time. Most everyone got excited about it. The few skeptics among them said they wouldn’t stay in any church which could split over fundamental doctrines. They simply walked out.
The day before Reverend Rufus was to visit the diocese, Pastor Bob prayed for courage, then phoned his superior. "I’ve got some very good news for you, Reverend Rufus. I’ve seen the light! I preached my heart out about the tithe, and the whole congregation shares my enthusiasm!"
"So your discourse was well received?"
"Believe me, Reverend Rufus, they gobbled it up! I really do look forward to seeing you again. I’d thought that since you’re in the area, we could meet tomorrow...say, about one o’clock?
"That would be just fine with me, Pastor, and I am so relieved we won’t be needing to retire you."
"Reverend Rufus, since the weather is so lovely, I’d like to confer with you out in the Sunday School courtyard tomorrow. That picnic table under the shady tree would be a pleasant place to converse. My wife will be providing a light lunch for us, including some of her home-baked cherry pie. Would you enjoy that?"
The prelate’s crusty voice softened. "Why, Bob, you know I never could resist your wife’s cherry pie. I’ll be there at one o’clock sharp."
The next day Reverend Rufus parked his car, puzzled by the fact the lot was nearly full. He called Pastor Bob on his cell phone to ask if he still wanted to meet out in the courtyard, and why the full parking lot? Bob said Sister Jane Smith was starting a diet club in the east wing conference room, and not to worry. The reverend reached the flower-dotted courtyard. A delicious aroma made his mouth water. The gate was wide open. It was quiet, but Pastor Bob was definitely not alone. "SURPRISE!" a jubilant multitude yelled. Far from starting a diet, the congregation was holding a surprise picnic for him! What was the occasion? It wasn't even his birthday!
The place was packed with laughing adults, but where were the young people and children? Reverend Rufus saw burgers, chicken and steaks sizzling on charcoal grills. Salads, desserts, condiments, and potato chips were laid out on tables. But what was in some of his parishioners’ hands? The reverend gasped in shock. Beer bottles! Wine coolers! No wonder there weren’t any kids squealing and running around! It would be illegal for them to be present on premises where alcohol was being served. In his very own churchyard, no less!
Before the Reverend Superior could castigate his flock for their indiscretion he noticed a speakers’ podium set up in front of a vast portable billboard. Painted on this huge sign in bold black letters was one Scriptural passage he wished had remained buried in the sea of forgetfulness. Above it appeared this sprawling title, in bright red paint:
MONEY CAN’T PAY TITHES...IT BUYS TITHES TO THROW A PARTY WITH!
Deuteronomy 14:22: Thou shalt truly tithe all the increase of thy seed, that the field bringeth forth year by year (Deut. 14:22).
Verse 23: And thou shalt eat before the Lord thy God, in the place which he shall choose to place his name there, the tithe of they corn, of thy wine, and of thine oil, and the firstlings of thy herds and of thy flocks; that thou mayest learn to fear the Lord thy God always.
Verse 24: And if the way be too long for thee, so that thou art not able to carry it; or if the place be too far from thee, which the Lord thy God shall choose to set his name there, when the Lord thy God hath blessed thee:
Verse 25 Then thou shalt turn it into money, and bind up the money in thine hand, and shalt go unto the place which the Lord thy God shall choose:
Verse 26 And thou shalt bestow that money for whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for strong drink, or for whatsoever thy soul desireth: and thou shalt eat there before the Lord thy God, and thou shalt rejoice, thou, and thy household.
Another bold red message appeared beneath that passage:
DON’T EAT THE TITHE? WHAT DID THAT SCRIPTURE JUST SAY?
Reverend Rufus didn’t much care for Scriptures which didn’t keep the church treasury filled. Like the Pharisees of Jesus’ day, he bowed to religious tradition, thus rejecting the authority of the Word of God in his own life and the lives he influenced. This was too rich for his religious blood. "Pastor! What in Sam Hill is going on here! People drinking booze on church grounds! I’ll have your head on a paper plate for this outrage!"
Pastor Bob sauntered over, sipping a tropical cooler. "But Reverend, we’re only doing what you wanted! We’re observing the tithing law. If you’ll read that sign, you’ll know we’re well within our Scriptural rights to buy Bud and wine cooler with the tithe money! We could have brought stronger stuff, but we exercised self-control. Back in Bible days, the kids would have joined in, but they’re having their own cookout over at Sister Lola’s. Phoebe and Marge are keeping the babies and toddlers. The designated drivers are drinking Cokes and iced tea."
"But we’re under the New Covenant, reprobate Bob," the reverend rebuked. "I know a lot of these people drink privately in their own homes, but if they really loved Jesus, they’d only partake of spiritual wine, and you know it! Look at all those six-packs on the tables!"
"Well, Who turned the water into wine and drank it Himself, but Jesus?" countered Bob, as hickory smoke hung in the air. Jesus said His own life was to be an example for us, if you want to split hairs, Reverend Rufus. You’re the one who told us to observe the tithe, so this party is part of it. Well, It’s about time to start my sermon." Bob went to collect his notes and hopped up onto the podium. Reverend Rufus felt powerless to interfere because of all the people cheering their pastor on.
Bob began to address the crowd through the microphone: "We're going to talk more about the tithe, everybody. Now we all appreciate Reverend Rufus, and I’m not attacking him today, just a few flawed doctrines, and I’m only doing that to defend the truth. Reverend Rufus says it's a sin to drink wine, and we respect his right to believe that, irregardless of the fact the Israelites drank wine at their annual tithing festivals. Now we know Paul the apostle denounced drunkenness as a sin, but where in Scripture does he forbid the occasional glass of wine with dinner? Paul told Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach’s sake and for his oft infirmities. As for spiritualizing away the literal wine and strong drink which Scripture clearly instructs worshippers to buy with proceeds from the sale of literal tithes; why not go whole hog and spiritualize away the literal MONEY literal laymen out in literal pews pay into the church pork barrel to finance literal ministry perks? You know as well as I do the Bible only commands New Testament believers to offer up spiritual sacrifices unto God, and whatsoever good work is not done out of a heart of faith is sin. If you scare money out of people, that is a dead work of the flesh springing from fear, not faith, and God cannot accept such tainted works as righteous.
Bob was plum tired of knuckling under to error to “prove his love for Jesus”. The picnickers barely touched their food as their pastor laid it on the line: "We Gentiles have been grafted BY FAITH into the spiritual tree of Israel, not because we kept their Mosaic Law. You, Reverend Rufus, demand that we Gentiles graft the old Mosaic tithing law into our Dispensation of Grace and observe it as meticulously as our culture will allow. But we know that our modern way of life as well as our lack of literal Levites to take the tithes will not permit perfect fidelity in following God's divinely ordained pattern of correct Mosaic tithing procedure. And what is sin, except falling short of God's mark of 100% perfection in doing things HIS way, rather than man's way? To put it bluntly, anybody who practices tithing in observance of Mosaic Law today has to conclude they're sinning in doing so because they cannot perform this ancient ritual to God's exact specifications. In Galatians 3:10 Paul reminds his listeners: ‘Cursed is every one that continueth not in ALL things which are written in the Book of the Law to do them’. If you omit even the most picayune precept of the Mosaic Tithing Law, whether it’s tithing only on farm produce or COLLECTING TITHES ONLY IN THE AUTUMN ONCE A YEAR, AND EVEN THEN, ONLY SIX YEARS OUT OF SEVEN as the originial Law stipulates, you stand in violation of the Word of God, and you’re bringing yourself under a curse, not a blessing!”
Reverend Rufus tried to protest, but he got drowned out by the collective uproar. Once it got quiet enough, Pastor Bob continued: “When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, satan quoted from Psalms 91 to trick Him into thinking that even if He threw Himself off the top of the Temple, that God would still protect Him. But Jesus didn’t cave in just because the devil disguised that temptation with Scripture. Jesus said: ‘It is written: Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.’ Jesus triumphed over satan’s Scripture-twisting temptation with a proper application of the Word of God, saying: ‘It is written’. Whenever somebody tries to shame you into observing unscriptural traditions of men by questioning your love for Jesus, remind them that Jesus Himself resisted wrong traditions with ‘It is written’. Jesus denounced the dog’s dinner unscrupulous Pharisess had made of the meat of God’s Word by twisting it to serve their own ends.”
“In Mark 7:9 Jesus says to the Pharisees: ‘FULL WELL YE REJECT THE COMMANDMENT OF GOD, THAT YE MAY KEEP YOUR OWN TRADITION.’ In this context, Christ rebukes the Pharisees for encouraging people to neglect the care of their aged parents in order to dump more money into the Temple Treasury. In Matthew 12:7 Jesus says to some self-righteous Pharisees who are criticizing His disciples for picking grain to eat on the Sabbath Day: ‘But if ye had known what this meaneth, I will have mercy and not sacrifice, ye would not have condemned the guiltless’. Even if God had commanded tithing to be done on dollars and cents instead of agricultural produce only, He would still choose mercy over sacrifice, where it concerns feeding hungry poor people. That’s what the tithe was used for in the first place!”
“But Brother Ben,” one man called, “what about the widow giving her last two mites, even though she was hungry?”
“She sure did, Brother Hayward, and Jesus said she’d given more than all the rich men who were only giving out of their surplus fat. But where does Jesus say that the Law of Moses REQUIRED the poor widow to donate her bread to the rich! Did Jesus COMMAND that hungry widow to give her last two cents to the Treasury? When preachers misuse that passage to pry money out of God’s people, they are appealing to the same traditions of men condemned by Jesus. In Jesus’ day, the safety net provided for poor people by the Law of Moses had been twisted into a cozy hammock for rich religious men to lounge in. Gone were the days when the hungry of the land could go to their local tithe storehouse, confident that they would be fed. The Mosaic tithing system had been ordained by God to provide for the poor, not to gratify the greed of men. But that was before the Law was tampered with by scribes and Pharisees who interpreted it for their own benefit, and added lots of burdensome new ordinances to it. In the beginning the priests and Levites were counted among those who had no inheritance of land in Israel. They were numbered with the poor, the fatherless, and the widow who also consumed the tithed produce of Israel. But by Christ’s time, the priests were the richest members of Jewish society. By the time He walked the earth, the corrupt religious system, far from caring for the poor, was robbing the poor to pamper the rich! Far from commending the clergy for taking mites from widows, in Mark 12:40, Christ promises only terrible damnation to hypocrites who devour widows’ houses. How many money-hungry ministers are provoking God today, the way they preach on the Widow’s Mite to rob even more widows! Do you think God will go any easier on today’s Pharisees than the Pharisees of Jesus’ Day?
"Just why are we Gentiles acting out this farce today? Because a picture is worth a thousand windy words, that's why! The goal of this picnic is not to chow down on Bud, burgers, and hot dogs, but to give you all an idea of how much men have violated the spirit of the Law by spinning and transmuting His written Word into destructive traditions. If you think God is open-minded about that, remember that Abel’s sacrifice was accepted by God because he followed God’s precise instructions, while Cain’s sacrifice was rejected because he did things his own way, rather than God’s way. Hopefully, this picture sermon will help stem the tide of newer heresies creeping into this congregation, but since there aren't any Levites around to make this affair kosher, we might as well go whole hog again and chow down on Gentile food, eh?" Hmmm....that reminds me. Susan is sizzling some juicy pork chops. Care to join us at our 'Gentile tithing party', Reverend Rufus?
"You're making a joke out of something holy!" Reverend Rufus cried. "Abraham was a Gentile, and HE tithed!"
"Yes he did, but guess what he tithed ON, Reverend; or have you, a renowned professor of theology, never studied Genesis Chapter 14 with a mind unbiased by tradition? Abraham presented to Melchizedik a voluntary, not obligatory tithe, only of the spoils of war, some of which had been plundered from the home of his own nephew Lot. And Scripture doesn’t say that Abraham ever tithed on his personal stash of livestock, gold or silver. Granted, Abraham frequently offered up animal sacrifices to God, but Abraham's tithing appears to have been a one-time act of thanksgiving to God for His help in battle. Are you sure you want to keep the tithe the same way Abraham did, Reverend Rufus? Wait until some burglar breaks into your nephew Clarence’s home and loots his home. Then go after that burglar and beat the stuffing out of him. After all, Abraham fought a battle before he paid a tithe. Once you’ve whipped the burglar, take back Clarence’s CD player, computer, designer clothes, TV, and his CD collection, which our theoretical burglar stole. But before you give Clarence his stuff back, take ten percent of it off the pile and donate those things to the Salvation Army.”
The old pharisee's blood was boiling. "You're out of order, and I'm gonna report you to the Regional Synod for heresy! What in Sam Hill is going on over there?" He spotted Deacon Denton and his buddy Ted carrying boxes of goodies to a van out in the parking lot.
"Relax, Reverend Rufus. Denton’s keeping yet another tithing principle. Last week, I told the congregation to ‘tithe’ one final time, as part of this project. I told them the money would also be used to feed the men at the rescue mission down on Seaview Avenue. My, I never saw such enthusiasm for digging into purses and pockets as I saw last week. Once the people realized God wasn’t holding hellfire and brimstone over their heads for switching from tithing to gracious giving, they gladly chipped in.”
Reverend Rufus was close to tears. "But you had no right to do that, and you know it!"
"Remember, Reverend, a hundred dollar check is a hundred dollar check, irregardless of what you call it? Where it concerns generosity the Old Law says: YOU MUST. The new Law of Liberty in Christ Jesus says: YOU MAY. All I know is, if we had stuck more closely to the letter of the tithing law, those men would have been here at this party rejoicing with us. If you’ll read Deuteronomy 16:11, you’ll see that the poor are provided for by the tithe, and they are to rejoice before the Lord together with the tithe payer. But rather than bring those recovering alcoholics here to be tempted by the wine coolers and beer we used as today's object lesson, we thought it a better idea to take soft drinks and barbequed meat over to the mission so they could have their own party."
Reverend Rufus pounded the podium. "But we needed that money for the building program and you know it! God depends on tithe money to build churches for his glory! Do you really think those tight-fisted cheapskates out in the pews will turn loose of their money unless we put pressure on them?"
"Reverend Rufus, God created the heavens and the earth in only six days. How much tithe money did He need to finance THAT mother of all building projects? If buildings are so important to God, HE will provide for them! That’s where faith comes in. Little people have to live by faith all the time, so why not us? We’re the ones who preach faith from the pulpit. Let us set an example for our flock and practice the principles we preach."
"If you really loved Jesus you would submit to authority and stick to decent doctrine!" Reverend Rufus rebuked. "You’d better change your tune or you’ll roast in hell!"
"Reverend Rufus, I’m getting mighty hungry for roasted tithe food, and those pork chops are getting mighty cold. We’ll close my message with a little food for thought: "Show me just one Scripture in the Bible where Jesus collects tithe money to build buildings with. Most always He instructs His hearers to give to the poor, not to rich preachers. He told His disciples to PROVIDE NO MONEY in their bags when they went out two-by-two to preach the Kingdom of God. Instead, He promised them that God would provide for all their needs. Are you a follower of Jesus, Reverend Rufus?"
"Not YOUR kind of Jesus, you stubborn reprobate! Now I want you to go to your office, clean out your desk, and take Him with you when you go! Both of you get out of MY church now! You’re fired!"
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