Home was a mess. Home was always a mess. My wife and I argued most of the time about everything. The bills were climbing. Dinner was never peaceful. Jessie, my 7-month old baby due to the noise we made when quarrelling formed the habit of crying not of hunger, but out of being sad. As I drove home from the office, these thoughts clouded my mind. I wanted things to be right. I wanted joy to live in my home with me. I hated the quarrels with my wife and I missed the times when we never did. I wished I could get them back.
I closed the front door after me as I entered the house. My wife was there with my baby watching television. It was her favourite sitcom. ‘Perhaps things would lighten up tonight with that’ I thought. I walked towards her to give her a kiss. She smiled and responded but abruptly stopped, withdrew from me and looked at me with a terrible frown.
“What’s the matter?” I asked still wondering.
My wife stood up, dropped Jessie in her cot and looked at me with anger.
“What’s the problem?” I asked again.
“I thought you said you wanted to make things right?” She was fuming.
“I do, of course I do, that’s why I’m home early, that’s why I tried to…
“Why are you home early?” She cut me short. “Is she out of town today...or have you…” I was at a loss. “What exactly are you talking about?” I raised my voice. I didn’t want her crawling under my skin this time.
“What’s the lipstick doing on your shirt? She pointed to my right arm and true to her words, as I checked; the mark was there, smiling at my face. “Can you explain that?!”I had forgotten that a colleague carrying some files was about to enter the same lift with me when she tripped and would have broken her neck if I didn’t hold her as fast as I did. Sadly, my heroic adventure had placed me in yet another quarrel with my wife. I explained everything to her. “You expect me to believe that?” she asked still angry.
“Why would I cheat on you?”
“Because you have every reason to. Things are not right between us and you know it.” She began to cry. Before long, Jessie joined her.I couldn’t take it all anymore. I grabbed my car keys and headed out the house, got in my car and drove off.
I felt terrible I left home but I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t even know where I was going. I was moving quite alright, but I had no destination. It reminded me of my life. I didn’t know where I was headed with the two most important people in my life; my wife and daughter. I remembered the words I had read on an e-devotional sent to me by a friend earlier that morning. It talked about taking advantage of the Spirit of God and the word of God as a guide and a light so you won’t find yourself on a journey to nowhere like I was doing. But all that was too deep for me, I didn’t go to church much but it seemed I needed God more than He needed me. I needed His help urgently. I had to cry out to Him. I parked my car by the roadside.
“Help me God, I can’t do this without you, I can’t get on with my life without your supernatural help. I don’t want to be like the man I am right now; driving somewhere without knowing exactly where. I need your guide and your light. Help me God; I want things to be right.” I broke down and cried. It all helped; the prayer and the tears.My head was clearer and more at peace, and so was my heart. I took the D-turn and headed back home.
Jessie was quietly sleeping.My wife’s eyes were swollen. “I’m sorry about everything” I quietly told her. “We can’t do this alone, we need help.” “Yes, we really need help” my wife agreed. “I know someone mum recommended…”
“No” I shook my head.
“What we need is God, He is a helper to those who trust Him” I read it today in an e-devotional Sam sent me.” My wife was quiet.
“We’re going to start going to church regularly so our lives have a direction and fulfillment. We can get things right, all we have to do, is do things right.”
She smiled, “I’ll do anything, anything, to make things work for us. I still love you.”
I smiled as I hugged her. “I love you too”. We were in that embrace for a while and all through in my heart I said “Thank you God for giving me a direction.”