My Two Fathers
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MY TWO FATHERS
In January 2005, my father had a stroke. It was a mild stroke, which he survived. However, it forced me to come face-to-face with some realities. In the first days after the stroke, I was scared, scared that I would lose him, scared to see what the stroke had done to my strong, vibrant father, and mostly scared, why would God do this to my father and consequently me?
That first night I sat down and prayed a rosary before going to sleep. It helped me come to terms with the fear of losing my father. I realized whatever happened was Godís will. Iím sure if I lost my Dad, I wouldnít have been quite so accepting. Fortunately, I didnít have to face that.
After coming to terms with the possibility of losing him, I had to convince myself to go see him. I remembered several years ago when he had his heart surgery. I went to the hospital very soon after the surgery. My father looked so small and frail in his hospital bed with all the tubes and machines hooked up to him. I didnít want to see my father that way again. It took me two weeks, in which I spent a lot of time sharing my feelings with God, family and friends. The time had come; I had to go to the hospital.
When I finally saw my father, things were not as bad as I anticipated. Dad was only a little thinner and slightly confused. I was so relieved and thankful when I left the hospital that day. My father would be okay.
Finally, all that was left to face was, Why my father and why me? The answer was simple and Iíve heard my mother repeat it many times since January. The answer is Why not me? Why shouldnít God have chosen me to face this crisis in my relationship with my father?
For many years, I tolerated my father. I had been critical of the way he raised his children including me. I judged his current activities and there was no way I wanted to be like him, especially when it came to my faith. I believed he tried to impose his faith on me and I resented him for it. I had vowed I would do things differently and I did.
Fortunately, in recent years I have come to realize that I need to let go of my resentment and judgmental attitudes. When I did this, I began to see a completely different side of my father and myself. I was finding my own space with God using many of the lessons my father taught me when I was a child. I was also experiencing the joys and rewards that my father had experienced in his relationship with God.
I am so grateful that God did not see fit to take him from me, because I have just begun to explore the new bond that we share. My earthly Father had helped me find the path to my heavenly Father. I want him around for a long time so I can share this with him, but only if it is Godís will. Thank You Dad and Thank You God.
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Dear Christina, I was deeply moved in my spirit-man at the words you wrote concerning your earthly father and will undoubtably touch many other people's lives. God is the lover of our souls and He can mend the past, the present and the future. He is the supernatural therapist that relieves any major trauma no matter how it incurred. God always knows how to ochestrate your pain Christina and somehow bring a message out of a mess and that's what He's done here in your poignant article. He has restored your soul in Jesus Christ's loving name