Having been born-again for as long a time as I have been, I expected that I would be grounded in this marvellous relationship, I have with Jesus Christ. I have come to the point of realising that no-one and nothing can replace God’s presence in my life. Passionate about souls and eager in the workmanship entitled to me…but somehow my energy was getting drenched all the time, by what?...well…”me.” I was shocked when I realised how much I have been torturing myself…no…no…not the devil…”me.” Is that possible you ask? Believe me it is.
God puts it plainly in the book of Revelation when He says that, “You have forsaken your first love.” Whenever I would read this scripture, I never even for a second suspected that God referred to me, I mean “Get real this is me we’re talking about, I am always running busy for the Lord!” I would read this scripture and the first thought across my mind would be, “Just stand in the gap for the Church?” I would put my intercessory boots on and start crying out to the Father for mercy. Until the day truth hit me, I was in such a wasteland, thirsty extremely thirsty. Minutes had grown to hours, hours to days, days to weeks and the cycle went on and on and what do you know, it carried on. I kept myself busy running around doing this and doing that, thinking that I would find the well of Living Water perhaps in what I did, to my disappointment…I was still thirsty, in fact thirsty than before
I glued myself to the Christian Television Network and got fed some healthy Spiritual food, which never filled the gap completely. So, the cycle went on! I encouraged and strengthened others in the Lord and I was still thirsty, very thirsty! One morning I would wake up jumping filled with the joy of the Lord, only to loose it sometime later during the day. Healthy conversations and fruitful times…but “Oh my was, I in a wasteland.!” So this carried on and on and on and on and on…….
Do you know that while all of this went on, I never realised that God was at work in my life. I cried out and cried out because I had felt as though God had left me. I confessed scripture…asked for forgiveness…bound and loosed…only to find that I grew more thirsty…in all of this God was right there by my side.
When a baby is born it does not remain the same size, the same height nor does it remain at the same cognitive level. So it is with us as children of God, we are born-again and we then go through a series of changes, so that by spiritual growth and development we can be able to mount up to that which God has planned for us, as mature children of God grounded in Christ Jesus.
As God worked in me, I cried for more of His presence…I was waiting for goose bumps and all these funny “feelings” I would get, that assured me that God was around. But that was not happening anymore…so I cried and cried. This only lead to my discovering that God was moving me from the stage of waiting to feel things to the level of believing that I carry His presence with me wherever I go. Take a baby that is around the age of 4 months, the baby’s most sensitive area is the mouth, the baby identifies objects by placing them in the mouth. When the baby grows up this habit grows out as well. He/she then begins to use his/her appropriate senses to distinguish objects.
So God had allowed me to go through the stage of sensing things in a certain way, so that I at the next stage can be rid of depending on my natural senses for Someone Who is supernatural.
Morning after morning I would wake up in sea full of supernatural joy…I would jump out of bed and praise the name of Jesus with such elation. But why all of this? For sometime I did not understand why and I never questioned God but I embraced the joy of the Holy Ghost with an open heart, it was just too amazing for me to query! This season then flowed for days and when God saw that I was ready to receive from Him, He then became my Teacher. The amazing lesson that I learnt could only be best learnt if I experience Him for myself, and the anointing with the oil of joy, was not poured over my head so that I would feel good but the joy of the Lord was there for my strength, for my consolation and for my reassurance that He is nearby no matter what happens.
I bubbled with joy over the time I would spend with God in prayer, the word of God came so alive, and it was electrifying. So I would sit in my room with the freshest manna from heaven, crisp wafers flowing with honey perfectly blending with milk. The medium was perfect for me to pour out my heart to the Father, I had now moved on from the phase of secretly hiding things from the Father thinking He could not hear the cry deep within me. And so now I understand the reason that I had to go through such a season, God was doing a cleanup in my heart. I had let things trouble and worry me so much that they began clouding my faith in Him.
So at the first opportunity God presented to me, I cried further in my room and then began pouring out my troubles, my fears and my worries to Him…I had been afraid to do this because I thought God would not be pleased because I was being faithless. I cried and confided in Him all that I had locked up for so long. The more I poured out the more God listened…at first I felt kind of foolish rattling off in my room…if someone had walked they would have probably wondered???? But that did not matter, God was healing old scars in my heart, the more I confessed to Him the deeper I felt His love for me. As I would pray God began to infuse me with faith I never knew before, I began to see that I am a new creation and old things are as the word describes them…”old things” and they have passed away…not that they will or they might…they have.
Now I see that my relationship with Him has grown stronger and more intimate…I no longer feel I have to hide things concerning my life from Him. It is me He is after because I am the apple of His eye. I now have a deeper assurance that His love for me is so big, and He lavishes it on me without measure!
Until the next stage, God bless you!
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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