Being In Your 30's and Single is Not to Be Pitied Anymore
Youíre how old? Yes, I am 30. I am 30 and I am single. Donít give me that face. I know that face. That is the, ďOh, I am so sorry,Ē face. But I like being 30 and single and a Christian. In the ďSex and the CityĒ world, I guess you could call me the ďNo Sex and the SuburbsĒ girl. And though I am a hopeless romantic thinking that one day God will send that special man to my door, I am really happy being single.
I have great friends who are single, and supportive - to a point. My non-Christian friends are more supportive of me being single and wanting to get my life together before I get married. However, they have bigger issues with the new No Drinking, No Sex, No Wild Parties, Go to Church Me. My Christian friends are supportive of the new No Drinking, No Sex, No Wild Parties, Go to Church Me, but have issues with the No Marriage Me.
I guess I am just disappointed - no, not about me still being single, but more in the way people look at it. Itís not the 1950ís anymore. Marriage isnít everything. I love my freedom. I love that I can go anywhere I want anytime. I love that I am still shaping who I am. I love that I can do what I want, when I want, and I am only accountable to God and myself.
But the downfall of being a Christian, single woman in her 30ís is what most of us women perceive as a lack of good, single Christian men. I would love to find someone my age who is single, Christian, and not weird. The nice guys I have met are either already dating or married or a pastor. And yes, there are Christian women who do not want to date a pastor or a missionary. We all have work to do for God, but it doesnít always require being a pastorís wife or moving to Guatemala.
Itís hard enough dating at my age, let alone adding the Christian aspect to it. And over time I just grew tired of looking so hard. So now I enjoy most of my time on my own. I meet with my girlfriends often, and I fill my days with work and activities. Once I gave up allowing myself to feel the pity that every other Christian seems to pour out at singles, I felt more free.
So I guess that is my message here. Christian women need to stop thinking that marriage is the be all, end all of their lives. Itís a great thing. But so is being a doctor, a lawyer, an activist, or whatever else you decide to be. Being who you are before you get lost in the ďWeĒ world of marriage is amazing. Knowing that you are a strong women devoted to her beliefs is worth the wait to get married - even if marriage never comes at all.
The great people in the Bible were not necessarily defined by their marriage, but by their love of God. Women need to live for God and then look for marriage later. Women, if you want to be a missionary, go be a missionary. If you want to go to college - go. If you want to live somewhere, go somewhere, or be something - do it. Donít wait for a man to let you.
And donít get me wrong. Life is great when you are in a relationship. But the best Christian women I know donít define themselves by their marriage. They are defined by their love of the Lord. They have allowed God to shape them first, and then the rest fell into place.
So I am A-OK with being single and in my 30ís. Iím even okay with being single for the rest of my life - if that is what God chooses for me. So no more pity looks. Itís really alright. It feels really good. Enjoy and embrace my freedom with me. Let go of the way you thought of singles before. This is the new millennium. This is the wave of the future. Instead of pitying and pointing out every strange single male out there, point out all the ways I can spread the gospel. Think of all of the non-Christian single people I can reach out there. Think of all the ways I can advance womenís issues. We are all in Godís plan together, and we should all care for each other, no matter what marital status we claim.
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30 is a tough age. I'm 38 and don't get the pity look. I get the surprized look.
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