I’m writing this for myself. So why am I sharing this to you, Faithwriters’ readers, instead of just keeping it securely inside my personal journal ? I believe the Lord wants me to share my testimony to teach me and others some lessons in humility. We never know whose heart He can touch if we follow His leading. Amazing how He can use ordinary people, the leper, the beggar, the sinners for His glory. Just go back to the pages of the Holy Book and you can find all the peculiar, imperfect people like me whom He uses to be His instruments.
God uses my pride to humble me. He knows that pride can get in the way of faith. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” ( Proverbs 16:18). And I had my own share of embarrasing moments, persecutions, and garden dirt to prove it. I’ve fallen many times, yet each time, my Savior carried me again and again. Indeed, no one and nothing can snatch me away from His hands.
Since I was a small kid, I knew I was different. While other children would have all the fun playing with their peers, I enjoyed the company of myself in my room - reading, writing, singing in the tape recorder , or drawing pictures. It’s probably those times I spent alone that I become keen to God’s leading, and became more sensitive to His calling. I delighted reading the Word of God that even as a little kid, I started writing poems and articles for Him.
Being in solitude most of the time, I missed out on what’s going on around me. My friends called me “naive”- their nicer version of the word stupid. I didn’t have many friends because I felt no one understood me. This affected my self-confidence and I covered this up by pretending to be somebody that I was not. I tried to excell academically which I did often. When family and friends complimented me with my academic achievements and my talents like a good singing voice and gift of writing, I felt so good about myself that all I could think about was how I can be better and better to please others. But deep inside, I have so much self-doubts. Funny how lack of self-esteem can make someone so proud. But it did to me as a cover up for my insecurities. This poisoned my emotion and eventually lead to depression. It even dragged my faith down, as a result of my doubts , guilts, and fear of rejection.
Yes, pride was the root of all those negative emotions that spiritually crippled me for awhile. But God sent trials in my life to humble me and to be more dependent on Him. All the intellect and understanding in the world combined, is nothing in compare to His wisdom and Mighty power.
The Lord is so good that whenever the Enemy will try to put pride in my heart, I will hear that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that will humble me. He would give me a keen sense of awareness that all the honor and the glory belongs to God.
My personal mission statement that used to be so self-centered are now transformed to honor Him with my life and my writings. Vanity is slowly fading away. Instead of looking at the mirror trying to be attractive in the eyes of the world, I’m focusing now on how I can please God with my life. Although taking care of our outside appearance is good, I focus more now on how I can please God and be more attractive in His eyes.
I tried to refrain from using “I”, “me” and “myself” here, but it would be hard to share a testimony without doing so. God loves me just as I am, but He doesn’t want me to stay this way.
Lord God, I humbly ask before Your throne of grace to take my pride away completely. If I have to boast, may I boast only for You. Heal me of my brokenness and make me whole. As You exemplified your humility and servant attitude by washing Your disciples' feet, may it always remind me of the virtue of humility. In Your Most precious name, My Lord Jesus, Amen.
“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way” (Psalms 25:9).
Gloria, What a selfless thing to do; putting your great testimony out here for all to learn, grow, and see our own, personal 'i' troubles. I am grateful and humbled by your written witness to the glory of living solely for God. Bless you as you continue this most precious journey!
Oh Sister, thank you so much for choosing to share your humble offering with us. It's my opinion that pride is the greatest downfall of many Christians. Oh, if only we didn't have to deal with it at all. But we do. It truly helps to hear someone else's testimony. May the Lord bless you sweetly, sweetly for sharing.
Dear Gloria... oh, bless you for writing this! Through your testimony, you have given us many gifts: You have trusted us with your deepest thoughts and personal struggles, you have opened your soul to us, and you have shed light on so many of God's truths. Your quest to live focusing on being beautiful to God instead of to and for yourself is one so many of us pray, as well. So many other words could also be added to 'beautiful' in that same respect - words like "successful, powerful, wise, loved, etc. If we can just put those words into proper perspective, too, it would be so pleasing to God. May we pray to be successful in sharing God's Word, to be wise in interpreting it, to be powerful in our faith and to show God's love to the world...AMEN. Thank you, Gloria - your piece will open many eyes. Love, Peggy