O Lord You are so great!
Your name ‘n’ only your name fought with the devil in the night.
He chased me through my dreams to conquer my soul and spirit;
I didn’t want to surrender ‘n’ I called upon Your name
My body was frozen ‘n’ my voice had lost its audibility
But O Father, praise be to Your name on which I called.
The demon mimicked me when I said Hallelujah
But kept mum when I said Hallelujah to the Living God
He knew whom I had called upon,
He knew he had lost me,
He knew he could no longer control my soul ‘n’ my spirit,
And he gave up
And there I lay down at your feet till morn
In peace ‘n’ without fear.
Great is Thy name O Lord,
Which protects us even in our dreams
All glory ‘n’ honor be to YOU.
You’re welcome, and thanks Joyce! It’s great to be reassured that my comments are not only inspiring you in your writing but in your faith as well; this has been my intention. Faith and works equal authentic Christians so I effort to encourage both. Let us continue to pray. “Great is Thy Name Lord”
Not bad: *What a high energy piece! You take us from “He chased me” to “My body was frozen,” then you build anticipation “But O Father, praise be to Your name on which I called” with a forceful climax “But kept mum when I said Hallelujah to the Living God.”
**I like how this piece reads very much like the psalms of the bible: short, with a poetic feel, the main topic being how God triumphs over evil whenever it attacks in our lives. Not to mention the fact that it reads well, I didn’t see a duplicated word or a confusing line at all in this piece.
***‘N’ last, I like how you did not spell out the word ‘and’, this gives it an English feel. Doing things like this add style ‘n’ character to your pieces causing them to be memorable.
Not good: *This is a high energy piece right, so why does it barely show? Please use different words for ‘said’. “The demon mimicked me when I ‘said’ Hallelujah But kept mum when I ‘said’ Hallelujah to the Living God” It’s hard to imagine someone ‘saying’ hallelujah when they’re being chased by a demon, so energy is lost here. Since those two lines build off each other you might try: “the demon mimicked me when I spoke…” then conclude with, “But kept mum when I cried in exclamation…” and then be sure to add exclamation points too.
**Why did you break the ‘ ‘n’ ’ pattern? You missed three ‘ands’ in the piece which I particularly felt should’ve been spelt like the others in keeping with the character/style of the piece.
*** This does not make sense: “He chased me through my dreams to conquer my soul and spirit,” first you say ‘to conquer’. “He knew he could no longer control my soul ‘n’ my spirit,” then you say ‘no longer control’. My first thinking was that the demon was trying to conquer you until you called on the Lord, but what I read suggests that the demon had already conquered you then you called on the Lord. Surely your intention wasn’t to communicate to the reader that they should call on the Lord after they’ve been defeated but before. That’s a bit misleading and I would suggest changing that to “he could no longer ‘try’ to control my soul ‘n’ my spirit.”
__Well I wrote a lot because this piece is packed with so much comment on; work on keeping consistency with style and idea. But overall this piece is highly energetic and greatly resembles the psalms. The Lord is so great, keep writing for Him!