In the evening along the beach
Sun had set down, among the stars
Walking barefoot I enjoyed the walk
Holding Your finger, Oh dear Lord.
In the nature's lap You made me sleep
You taught me to respect every bush, every creep
Showing me the beauty on the mountain tops
Oh Holy Father, Your creation has no lapse.
The golden beauty rose again early in the east
Colorful butterflies & singing birds praised You with the rest.
Oh My Jesus, these little creatures golrify Your name day 'n' night
Teach me to seek You Lord, You open my spiritual sight
Let You Holy Water flow through me
And Your light shine through me bright.
__Hello Joyce, I'm back for another review. I hope you did not take the previous comments too personally. Yes, they were sharp, but everything written is meant to build up, not down. Remain strong! “Lord’s Creation Has a Purpose”
**Success: This piece reads with a silent profundity because you have communicated an image or biblical truth in every line; this is good. From “In the evening along the beach” to “Let…Your light shine through me bright,” a new scene is created in each line and moves seamlessly like a motion picture as it is read. Beautiful! *Again, I am inspired by the way you method your rhymes. A combination of rhyming and non-rhyming: the rhyming lines move the reader along a rhythm creating a type of tempo that ebbs once a non-rhyming line is read. That is brilliant! Is this an original idea of yours? At any rate it reads very stylistically, establishing your voice.
*Failure: Since this piece is not as long as others to comment too negatively might impose something on the affect this poem gives that I might not fully understand. The only thing I really want to know at the end of this piece is: what 'is' the purpose of the Lord’s creation? The title of this piece suggested to me a question rather than a statement that I do not think you answered, at least directly. Perhaps it was in this line “Oh Holy Father, Your creation has no lapse,” thus answering the question as, the purpose of the Lord’s creation is to show that the God who made it has no lapse--no flaws.
__In all, I definitely feel this piece to be one of your better, more vibrant yet tender works. An engaging lyrical flow that maybe answers or embellishes on the idea presented in the piece’s title. God bless you Joyce, and may you also bless God by passionately enjoying His fullness in all the earth.