Here’s a lesson I have learnt and relearn over the years.
God desires for us to live a “God Dependant Life.”
So what is this you might ask and how is it achievable?
It’s not really hard to do but takes a mental shift
from how we have previously done things.
It goes against all we have previously learned.
Its making god the most important single issue in your life.
Putting Jesus in the driver’s seat and taking a back seat in the ride of life.
Now if you’re like me you might not have realised that he wasn’t in control.
We can go around doing all the right things and still be in the wrong.
It all comes down to one basic question “ Am I totally dependant on god for every little detail of my life?”
It’s waking up to Jesus and going to bed with him.
It’s turning all your decisions to him not just the big ones.
I learnt that independence is sin, its rebellion plain and simple.
Every time I do things in my own strength.
Every time I fail to ask god for his way.
Every time I commit to something without checking it out with god.
That is independence and it is saying to god I want to do this my way.
The age-old problem of Adam and eve.
It’s saying I want to be boss.
I know because I am guilty of this more times than I can count.
God wants to be involved in every single part of your life,
he is passionately interested in you and there is nothing to small for his attention.
A couple of years ago I had a nervous breakdown.
I started to suffer from panic attacks.
It was like being taken over by a terrorist.
Not pleasant in the least.
But it was in this time that I had to learn to really trust Jesus.
I had to learn to depend on him to get me through the day.
To trust him that I would get past this thing and become a better person because of it.
To know that this wasn’t going to be my life.
To have hope when all hope looks like being gone.
To have faith in god.
I had my foundations shook up and all I had know shaken and sifted.
The things I thought were my strengths were taken from me and I was miserable and afraid.
I had been strong, reliable, dependable, I was the one people turned to for help.
Now here I was weak, unreliable, depending on others for the most basic of needs.
I had gone from being in charge to needing to be looked after.
I can’t say at first that I looked on this as anything but the worst of experiences.
But now with time and experience on my side
I can see that god allowed me to be weak so that I could taste his strength.
He wants more than a superfical relationship with us.
I am learning daily to lean upon Jesus.
I know I am weak so I have to look to him for my strength.
I have known fear now I am learning faith.
It’s a daily stepping out, one foot after another.
Someone once said this “putting an unknown future into a know god” I like that.
My days may still seem fragile but there is the strength of god to see me through.
My journey is still far from over.
Somedays are harder than others.
But god is so kind.
He has put people around me who know where I have been.
They too have tasted the bitterness of fear and anxiety, and have been in the flames.
They are richer for the experience.
They have blessed me with there openness and willingness to share their story.
It has given me hope for recovery.
So I share this with you in the hope that if anyone reads this who is walking along the same road, know that you are not alone.
And greater is he that is in you than he who is in the world.
Psalm 34:4 I sought the lords help and he answered me, he set me free from all my terrors…..
“ Have no fear….for I have paid your ransom;
I have called you by name and you are my own.
When you pass through the deep waters I am with you;
I am with you when you pass through the rivers;
They will not sweep you away:
Walk through the fire and you will not be scorched,
For I am the Lord your God.”
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