As an outside sales person I spent allot of time in my car, on the road alone. One day as I was on my way to see a client. I was thinking about my job and how grateful I should be to have it. This job was an answer to prayer and the job I had always dreamed of. However, after several months I began to realize that I really hated being away from home and that I was truly miserable out on the road all by myself. I had that sick to my stomach, combined with a heartache thing that I get when I am depressed. It is a result of all the voices in my head telling me that I am an ungrateful loser. I was certain that my company would soon realize that I was not qualified for this job and I would be fired for sure. The fear and the dread I was feeling, was literally paralyzing me.
I began talking to God about it. Explaining to him, that I know getting stuck in this mood keeps me from being all He wants me to be. I confessed that I hadn't been able to feel his presence, or hear his voice lately. I rationalized the reason was that I only spent time in the word when I was at church and I had sort of had to. I promised to spend more time with him. I asked for his forgiveness and told him how much I loved him. Then I begged him." I want those voices to go away! Please, how do I make them go away, Lord?"
Here I am driving down I-5 at 70 mph and trying to see through all these tears of confession. When up next to me pulls a big semi truck with all these wooden crates stacked on its trailer. I couldn't believe what I saw. Every box said my name, Diana, on it. The truck sped up and got away from me. I never saw it again. I then realized that playing on the radio was one of my favorite Christian bands singing the words," Of all the voices crying out to me, the voice that I choose to listen and believe is the voice of truth." Wow! What just happened here? I was compelled to pull over on the side of the freeway. I felt this huge smile come across my face and my tears began to turn to laughter. A peace, that only Gods presence can bring, flowed through me. I began wondering. What are the odds that these two things would happen at the same time? Was this a coincidence? No way!
God was telling me he knows my name! He knows my every thought before I even think it. He hears every cry and sees every tear that I shed. His love is not based on my performance. If I would listen to only his voice the others will go away! Psalm 139:23-24 NIV. Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
As my friend Paul, loves to shout from the rooftops. Our God is an awesome God! I know this doesn't solve my job dilemma but I do know that it will be taken care of in time. I just need to be patient and grateful for what I have right this moment. God will always be there for me and he will provide. His voice is truth and might. That is no coincidence. That is faith.