Jim Lame: Host of the Dating Game
Rocky: Bachelor #1, 70s hard rock, biker-type, stoner
Jesse: Bachelor #2, clean cut, all-American guy
Danny: Bachelor #3, 70s disco dude with large afro
Peggy Inneed: Bachelorette, 70s hippy chick
Announcer: Voice only, off stage (or Jim Lame can do this part)
Make-up Artist: No speaking part, just a short stage appearance
1970’s game show spoof of The Dating Game
Typical to the original TV show, this bachelorette will choose one man to go out on a date. The prize is given by the announcer at the end. Bachelors 1 and 3 are less than desirable and Bachelor #2 represents Jesus.
Choosing the right friends. Choosing life and peace over what the world has to offer.
Background set to resemble The Dating Game, three stools, one chair or a fourth stool, a director’s chair, appropriate costuming, theme show music with logo and kisses for screens, index cards for Peggy’s questions, CDs to play during the skit as directed below. I recommend playing about 10-15 seconds of each making sure the chorus is played.
(Game show theme song plays through with LOGO on screen, if available. LIGHTS UP. Jim Lame ENTERS STAGE RIGHT. Music fades.)
JIM: (To audience) Good Evening, Everyone. I said GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE!
JIM: That’s better. Welcome to another exciting episode of THE D-A-T-I-N-G G-A-M-E! I’m Jim Lame, your host for the Dating Game. In just a moment you will meet a young lady who will have the opportunity to choose one lucky man for a fabulous date, based only on their answers to her questions. But, first let’s meet our bachelors. And HEEEEEEEE-RE THEY ARRRRRRRR-RE!
(Bachelors ENTER STAGE LEFT in order 1-3 and each stand in front of their stools.)
JIM: Bachelor number one, please tell us your name and where you’re from.
BACH. 1: My name is Rocky and I’m from Detroit Rock City! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Rock on, man!
JIM: Thank you, Rocky. Please take your seat. Bachelor number two?
BACH. 2: Hello, Jim. My name is Jesse. I’m originally from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. (Sits down on stool)
JIM: Bachelor number three, please tell us your name and where you’re from.
BACH. 3: I’m Danny Disco! I’m groovin’ from New York City. (Sits on stool)
JIM: (To the audience) Now, let’s bring out our bachelorette. Please welcome…from San Francisco, California…Peggy Inneed.
(Peggy enters STAGE RIGHT and approaches Jim and they embrace slightly and kiss on the cheek.)
JIM: Welcome to the Dating Game, Peggy. (Leads her to her seat)
PEGGY: Thank you, Jim. I’m excited to be here.
JIM: Bachelor number 1, please say hello to Peggy Inneed.
BACH. 1: (Like Joey Tribiani) Peggy…How you doin’? (Click, click, wink)
PEGGY: (Giggles) I’m fine, thank you.
JIM: Bachelor number 2.
BACH. 2: (Kind, calling out to her) Hello, Peggy.
PEGGY: (Shaking head in approval) Hello.
JIM: And bachelor number 3.
BACH. 3: (Overly affectionate) H-e-l-l-o, P-e-g-g-y.
PEGGY: Hi. (Fanning herself)
JIM: Peggy, are you ready to play the Dating Game?
PEGGY: I’m ready, Jim.
JIM: Then let’s get started. Go ahead with your first question.
PEGGY: Bachelor number 3, if I were to meet you in public, what’s the first thing you’d say to me?
BACH. 3: I’d look you right in the eyes and say…darlin’, this is the day of free spirits and free love. My heart don’t cost you a thing.
PEGGY: O-k-a-y. Bachelor number 1, same question.
BACH. 1: What was the question, man?
PEGGY: If I were to meet you in public, what’s the first thing you’d say to me?
BACH. 1: Babe, I got two back stage passes for Zeppelin. And room for one more on my Harley.
PEGGY: Hmm. Very tempting. Bachelor number 2, same question.
BACH. 2: I would say, come to me and I will remain with you forever. I will never leave you.
PEGGY: Interesting. Bachelor number 3. If you and I were the only survivors of an airplane crash in the middle of nowhere, what would you do for me?
BACH. 3: Do for you? I’d probably cook you up and eat you so I don’t starve.
PEGGY: Bachelor number 2, same question.
BACH. 2: I would comfort you and protect you. I would provide you with food, clothing and a place for you to rest your head.
PEGGY: Bachelor number 1, if we got married, what would our future look like?
BACH. 1: Well, right now I’m living in my parents’ basement, but I’ve been planning on getting my own place. First, I’d need some money. To get money, I’d have to work. To work, I’d have to get a job. To get a job, I’d have to read the newspaper and actually apply for a job. Then there’s that whole interview thing. It just gets so confusing, man.
PEGGY: Bachelor number 3, what would our future look like?
BACH. 3: Darlin’ you’d better put on your dancin’ shoes and your finest polyester. ‘Cause we’re gonna be hittin’ every disco club in the Big Apple. We’re gonna boogie all night long. After the clubs close we’ll head to the after-parties. Then go out for some breakfast, head home to sleep, and then do it all over again that night. Yeah, baby! Disco is here to stay!
PEGGY: Bachelor number 2, if I became your bride, what would my future look like?
BACH. 2: Peggy, in my father’s house there are many mansions and the streets are paved with gold. There will be no tears, no pain and no more death. I am going there to prepare a place for you.
PEGGY: Wow, your really heavy, man.
BACH. 2: Actually, my burden is light.
PEGGY: You’re starting to sound just like the father I never had.
BACH. 2: When you see me, you will also see my father.
BACH. 1: (To bach. 2) You’re blowing my mind, man!
PEGGY: Bachelor number 1, if you had advance notice of the Earth’s final destruction, what would you try to salvage for the next generation?
BACH. 1: Oh, man, that’s easy. I gotta have my music. So, I’d bring my collection of 8-tracks. Those tapes are gonna last forever!
PEGGY: Okay. Bachelor number 2, same question.
BACH. 2: Actually, I do have advance notice of the Earth’s final destruction. So, it wouldn’t be fair to the others if I answered your question.
PEGGY: I appreciate your honesty. Bachelors, before the show, I sent a message to each of you to choose a song that best describes your mission in life. Can we hear Bachelor number 1’s song, please?
(Play “Rock and Roll All Night” by Kiss, Bach. 1 lip syncs and plays air guitar.)
PEGGY: Well, that certainly helps me make my decision. Let’s hear Bachelor number 3’s song.
(Play “Dance, Dance, Dance” from CD Studio 54, Track #4 … Bach 3 disco dances.)
PEGGY: Sounds fun. And bachelor number 2?
(Play “Come Together” by the Beatles …Bach. 2 holds arms up in accepting/welcoming position)
PEGGY: Oh, I see you like the Beatles.
BACH. 2: Why, of course. I made the Beatles…And the Byrds, the Stones, the Eagles, the Earth,…Wind and Fire. And the Cure…for everything.
PEGGY: Wow, you’re really creative.
BACH. 2: You could you say that. Peggy, I have another song I’d like for you to hear. It’ll give you a better idea of my strong side. Now, keep in mind this song won’t be published for another 15 years and it won’t be on CD until the year 2003.
PEGGY: Groovy! Let’s hear it.
BACH. 1: (To Bach. 2) What’s a CD?
BACH. 2: About the third replacement for 8-track tapes. Go ahead with the audio, please.
(Play “To Hell with the Devil” by Stryper, Bach 2 jumps up from chair, lip syncs and plays air guitars, drums, etc. )
JIM: Wow, great job, guys! Well, it’s time to take a commercial break. When we come back, our bachelorette will let us know her decision. Will her dream date be with Bachelor number 1 (rock hands in the air), Bachelor number 2 (hands out and open in acceptance) or Bachelor number 3 (right fist in the air 3x)? We’ll find out right after this message.
(Play Dating Game theme song and fade after 5 seconds.)
JIM: (Ranting and raving) Make up! Make up! (Stage crew/make up artists run up to powder his face and comb his hair). It’s too hot in here! Can someone do something about that, please? Where’s the chicken sandwich I ordered? (Remain in make up chair faking conversation)
BACH. 3: (Leaning over to Bach. 2) Hey, Jesse. I’d like to hang out with you in your father’s house.
BACH. 2: I’ll tell you, what. Before the day ends you will be with me in paradise.
BACH. 3: Far out!
BACH. 2: Very, far out.
JIM: (Looking in mirror) There’s a hair out of place! (Still ranting) I can’t work like this! I should have been a dentist. (Yelling to back stage right) Can someone hire a crew that actually knows what they’re doing? (Stage crew exits)
(Play game show theme song and fade after 5 seconds.)
JIM: (Happy and overly cheerful again) Welcome back to the Dating Game! Peggy, are you ready with your decision?
PEGGY: Yes, I am, Jim. I’m going to go with B-a-ch-e-l-o-r-r-r Numberrrrr… Two. (Bachelors all respond at same time: B1, B3 disappointed, B2 a sigh of relief).
JIM: Now, it’s time to meet the losers. Bachelor number one is Rocky from Detroit, Michigan.
BACH. 1: (Comes out to greet Peggy) That’s Detroit ROCK CITY! Hey, Peg. (kisses her on the cheek) You’re gonna miss a good time, man.
JIM: And Bachelor number three is Danny from New York City.
BACH. 3: (Comes out to greet Peggy) Yo, Peggy, Baby! (Kisses her on the cheek) We could have had a groovy time together.
JIM: And now let’s meet our winner, bachelor number two. Come on out and say hello to Peggy Inneed.
BACH. 2: (Comes out to greet Peggy) Peggy, it is your faith that has brought me here. (Kisses her on the cheek)
PEGGY: Wow, he’s so much more than I imagined. Suddenly I feel…really peaceful.
BACH. 2: I have that affect on people.
JIM: And now, Johnny will tell us about the fabulous date you won.
ANNOUNCER: Peggy and Jesse, the producers of the Dating Game are going to send you out on a date you will never forget. Your day will start with paid admission to Astro World. Yes, that’s right, Astro World. America’s playground. Be sure to bring a can of coke-a-cola with you so we can take advantage of the buy-one-get-one-free offer. After a day of standing in lines and experiencing lousy customer service from kids half your age, you’ll certainly work up an appetite. That’s why we’ve arranged for you to experience some of America’s finest dining at Whataburger! You heard me right, Whataburger. Where America still questions what they’re eating. While dining, be sure to have one of their famous Whatsasalad and try their newest entrée, What-the-heck-is-that, Chicken? And to remember your day, our sponsors at Podak are loaning you a disposable camera. Yes, at Podak, we believe you like pictures and we like your money. A disposable camera is the most convenient way for both of us to get what we want. Why buy a quality, new camera for fifty dollars when you can just rent a cheap, used one for 12 bucks several times a year? Congratulations, Peggy and Jesse and thanks for playing the Dating Game.
JIM: Thank you to all our sponsors and our audience. Good night, everyone. Until next time…
(Play theme song and throw kisses on the screens)
(All blow a kiss to the audience. Wave good-bye as all EXIT STAGE RIGHT)
(Fade song after all have exited and LIGHTS OUT)
COPYRIGHT C. 2004 Dale L. Davis
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