I received my W-2 form on the last day of January. It was a wake up call to me. It let me know, just how low I had sunk financially.
A few nights later I went to sleep, after spending some time having a pity party for myself.
Somewhere in the early hours of the morning, I was awaken. It was as if the demon of depression himself, was floating over me. I found myself in a panic. Not knowing what to do I got up, and made my way to my office. I didn't dare switch a light on.
I pulled up a chair, and dropped to my knees. I wanted to pray, yet no prayer would come. I was being attacked some how. This spirit seemed determined, to fill my head with the most dreadful thoughts. At that moment, death seemed better than life.
I wasn't suicidal, yet this demonic spirit was certainly suggesting this to be a way out.
Suddenly, by the grace of God my imagination sprang up. Perhaps it was my own spirit finally taking over, from my failing brain. I am not a scientist or a theologian, so I want even venture to guess which.
All I know, is that I was standing on a small wooden bridge, that looked to be very old. I looked down at a small river, or creek as we would call it here, that flowed beneath.
I began to feel a certain calm. Then I heard a voice.
"Look down, what do you see?"
I looked again, at what was a gentle flowing stream only moments earlier. It had became my life flowing by.
I was finally graduating school. I reached out and found my separation papers from the army in my hand. There was just a flow of wonderful events peacefully floating by. I felt so blessed.
I looked up to give thanks, but before I could speak the voice said. "look again."
I looked, wondering what other wonderful things were in store for me. To my surprise the water had turned dark, and was now whirling wildly. Upon closer inspection, I saw ever failure I had ever known floating by.
I saw the moments of my life, that I had felt the most alone. I once again stood at my baby's casket, There was the day my draft notice had came, and the stream kept passing.
I looked up, to ask what pleasure he had in torturing me. Like the first time, he answered before I could speak.
I did, and this time it was just a thousand every day, days floating by. I was now totally confused.
I ask, "What does all this mean Lord?"
I heard him say, This to will pass. Savor the good times because they want always be with you. Don't fear the bad times. Soon they will flow away from you. They like the good ones will follow into the sea of eternity.
Suddenly, the evil spirit's choke hold was loosened.
For the first time, in a long while. I realized all I had to do was hold on just a little longer. The good times were just up stream.
It was like he was saying, "just hold on my son, just believe in me a little longer.